A Drunken Kiss

It hurts

Part 1

A drunken Kiss

Void of promises, that's all it was. A chaotic confession with opposite intentions." It tortures me you know, that's why I want you to be far away from me". It hurts to think, to feel, to be, when I am around him. I will never force my feelings and affections unto an unsuspecting individual. The feelings are mine alone to bare he never ask for them.

It all started when I noticed him there, quiet and reserved. It appealed to my curiosity and before I could help myself I tried to get his attention. How awesome would it be to get this cool boy to open up to me? I bug him every chance I got, I'm always up for a challenge. The thrill of the chase got the most of me.

At first it seems like a lost cause, but I am nothing if not persistent. I made myself available, be there before he knew he needed me and little by little he started to react. A crack in the stoic, aloof shell was the first sign of my progressive success. I celebrated small triumphs.

A little note, "Now we are even". Texted replies, "Actually I don't eat ginger", A pull of my hand to get me the follow. The save when I carelessly stumbled while working together on the volunteer project. Those were all the encouragements I needed to continue in my pursuit.  

And then it happened I saw the lost boy, he must have gone through something traumatic I could see the pain in his eyes, he needed something, someone, he looked broken. I stood there, I assessed the situation I became the literal person he lean on and cried. I was hesitant but my heart cried with him. I never knew what it was at first but I felt something and just like that the tables has turned. 

He became the one that looked out for me and is always there. He watch over me and put me first. He was there for the needles, he was there when I woke up, he was there for the fever and headaches and the cold night that was so rough. A PhiNong relationship, I achieved my aim. Except I developed feelings and now...

"The person who knows me well...is you Phi"

...It's endgame.

Part 2

He is annoying he keeps showing up out of nowhere. He talks a lot and has a thousand questions. He is always in my face, he inject himself in my personal matters. He invites himself to join my friends and I, even though in the end we always benefit to having the genius from the engineering department around.

I am an introverted person. I don't feel the need to talk or make small talks. I have a selective number of friends that fulfills my social obligation at this age. Outside of them I don't feel the need to interact or make new friends. I like silence and dogs. Silence is such a beautiful and peaceful sound.

Then I find myself wanting to pay him back, return his kindness. He has been nothing but helpful, putting his loquaciousness aside. A help with the umbrella, sharing my earphones. I never felt the need to do anything for anyone outside my group of friends. Yet when I saw him in the rain I couldn't just leave him there.

That night when I ran away from home, I had nowhere to go, no where I wanted to be, then this talkative Phi offered his home to me. He is deathly scared of dogs, but to help me he was brave. That night I cried and he was there for me, no judgement, no comment, I felt safe, I felt at ease and there next to the chatterbox was peaceful, quiet and serene. 

thump thump  thump thump

When he got hurt I experience a mixed of emotions, I was furious; I saw blood, I was panicky; how could I help? I was scared, what should I do, I was helpless; there was nothing I could do. If only I was there, I could have protected him. Now it was plain to see what to do next, never let him leave my sight. This Phi has become precious to me.

"Tomorrow you don't have to look after me" those words shattered my recently started beating heart. What was he saying? Does he not know I need him to breathe? Why is he distancing himself from me? I can only watch from afar as my oxygen goes by. Where is the Phi that wanted to be next to me? Can't he see my heart his calling out to him?

"LET ME Go?!" really how could I? I needed answers, I need to know why he is avoiding me like I have the plague. Why was the one person I wanted to be around the most no longer wants to be around me. The person that opened my heart and taught it how to beat, that held my lungs and showed them how to breathe. The person that filled my silent world with chatter, that weird plant guy, the senior I can't seem to get rid of but silently need.

"I will distance myself from you, so I won't be tortured anymore" these were the words spoken before a very drunken kiss.

RYUK/N: Here is the thing, I could make this into one of my short books but IDK if that's what readers want. So I will wait and decided before making as complete. Also please keep in mind that this was written in a little more than two hours so if its quality is awful bare with me. I needed to get it out of my head.