The Little Lightning Girl

28- Darkness Allows For The Brilliance of Light

Harry certainly hadn't chosen an easy spell to teach us. Rose mentioned that this used to be classified as a NEWT level spell, but was now considered accessible at OWL level. We were all fourth years, so it was unlikely that very many of us would succeed at producing a full Patronus by the end of class.

But this didn't stop anyone from trying. Plus, we had a two hour class today and Harry had dedicated all of it to the Patronus Charm.

But I had yet to even try and cast the spell. My friends were sitting around me, some managing to create small wisps of silvery smoke, some producing nothing but frustration. But I couldn't even shuffle through my own memories well enough to find a happy one. I'd tried thinking of family and friends, but I just kept coming back to those dungeons, and hearing James tortured and waiting while Pietro died.

I could feel Rose and Kaley looking at me with a sort of sympathetic understanding, like they felt bad but they didn't know what to do about it. They didn't do anything until halfway through the class, when Kaley suddenly sat back down and grabbed my hand. I jerked my eyes towards her as she spoke in a hushed tone, "Alana, you can do this. You aren't some creature that hasn't had any joy in their life. You're just human."

I sighed, "Then why can't I control my own brain enough to produce one single good memory, just one?"

Then Rose sat on my other side, "What kept you alive in that dungeon?"

I turned to her with my eyebrows raised, "I beg your pardon?"

Her eyes locked onto mine with an intensity I'd rarely seen, "You were trapped in that dark, cold cell for weeks. For most of it, you couldn't speak. No one was coming for you, but you kept surviving. Something kept you alive, so what was it?"

For the first time in an hour I stopped fighting the bad memories and thought back to that dungeon. It was then that I remembered that first night after the whipping. And how I'd sung a song to James. A song that I hadn't ever heard before, just one that fell out of me.

"Music," I said, more to myself than to answer Rose's question.

"Why music?" She pressed.

"I-" I cut myself off before I could reveal anything.

"You don't have to tell me," Rose said, "just think about it. Why did music bring you so much happiness in that cell that it convinced you to keep living?"

The answer was easy. Because of my grandmother. For the first time all day, one single memory arose in my head and stayed there. Long enough for a scene to play like a movie in my mind. All of the sudden, I wasn't in Hogwarts anymore. 

I was in Hawaii, sitting on a porch by the ocean, singing songs with my grandmother. The waves were crashing into the sand and the wind chimes on the porch railing clinked softly in the seas breeze. My grandmother's soothing, timeless voice echoed through the air, and my own echoed hers. The absolute peace and happiness I felt, being there with her...

I opened my eyes, and stood from my seat. With that memory playing behind my eyes, I whispered, "Expecto Patronum."

From the tip of my new wand, ribbons and waves of silvery magic burst forth, and then they took shape high above my head. A singular owl soared around the ceiling beams, silent as the night, peaceful as the ocean at low tide. I understood why it was an owl. A wise, secretive creature that thrived at night, when no one else could even see the world around them.

I watched the owl for the three minutes that it took to fade away.

When I lowered my eyes, I realized that a great majority of the room was staring at me. But Harry just began applauding me, a proud smile on his scarred face, "Well done, Alana. Back to work, everyone else."

He came up to my desk again and looked at me with a questioning gaze. I just shrugged. The memory I'd chosen for the spell wasn't one that I was likely to share with anyone, even the savior of the wizarding world. So Harry just accepted my shrug as an answer and smiled again, "Something I've learned in my many years: the people who have seen the most darkness, are the ones with the most potential for light. In fact, it's darkness that allows for the brilliance of light. "

I managed a small smile, "I read that different patronuses... reflect the traits of the caster. What does an owl Patronus say about me?"

Harry's eyebrows raised, "Well, that depends on your memory. But generally an owl patronus points to a very wise, very strong, adaptable person. And from what I've seen in you, it most definitely is a Patronus that belongs to a survivor."

I actually liked that. I didn't know what or who I was these days. I certainly wasn't the same as I had been before the capture, and I hadn't decided who I'd become. But to be called a 'survivor'... yes, it fit. If nothing else these past few months, these past years, I'd survived everything the world had thrown at me. And somehow for a moment, it gave me courage that I could survive anything else.

Harry clearly hadn't expected more than a few of us to be able to produce a Patronus in this one class, but his expectations were exceeded. Both of my best friends had managed the spell by the end of the class period. Two of the Ravenclaws had as well. Rose had produced her Patronus just after me, and it had taken the form of a wolf. According to Harry, the wolf symbolized individualism, a strong sense of family, loyalty, responsibility, and courage. I was no legilimens, I couldn't look directly into her mind, but I'd say the wolf fit my red-haired friend rather marvelously. Kaley took a while longer. She'd been able to make several silvery wisps of light appear, but didn't fully succeed at the charm until she switched memories, and then a lightning quick fox burst from her wand. Not the animal I'd expected, for some reason, but I supposed it did fit. Patience, charisma, adaptability, and Harry mentioned that those with the Fox Patronus were often connected to the spirit world.

I was quite proud of my friends, but I was also very proud of myself. The fact that I could produce this spell probably didn't mean a whole lot to anyone, but to me, it said that I was capable of achieving true happiness again.

I went the rest of the day with a smile on my face. And whenever my brain tried to bring up images of those dungeons, I replaced them with an image of a soaring Tawny Owl, and the melody of my grandmother singing.