HP Rant

Harry Potter's Twin Sister

Here is an example of a typical HP twin sister fanfic. Read at your own peril.

                                                                               ***

Hi. My name is Scarlett Lillian Potter, and I'm not normal. I have a flower-shaped scar on my  neck. I have red hair and brown eyes. I'm 10 years old. Seems normal, right? Well you couldn't be more wrong.

I can change my appearance at will, and turn into anything I want. I can read minds too. It's funny, because I never intend to. I just... do. Another weird thing is I can predict the future. I predicted Aunt Petunia would have a fever when I was two years old, and she did! Lastly, I can talk to snakes. Crazy, right?!?!?! I understand them, and they're quite nice.

My brother is Harry James Potter, and he has brown hair and blue eyes. We get starved by Uncle Vernon and Aunt Petunia, and get beaten every single day, for no reason! We're being abused, and that's not right! Anyways, back to me.

Strange things seem to happen to me. I can control all the elements, and do many more things! I have it under control, obviously! What if I'm a witch???!!!

"Uncle Vernon, am I a witch?" I asked politely. Vernon went purple and grabbed the bat. Petunia grabbed the belt. Dudley gave his belt to Aunt Petunia, and they all glared at me menacingly.

Uh oh.

Without warning, Uncle Vernon cracked my rib with the bat. I winced. Petunia hung me on the coat hanger with the rope and Vernon beat me. Hard. Dudley cackled and kicked me. I was losing air. I removed the rope. (Petunia didn't tie it hard enough.) Realizing what I had done, I tuned around to face them, terrified.

"You're gonna regret that, you pig!" Vernon sneered cruelly. Dudley, an expert at this, smashed my head against the wall. Blood oozed from my head. I could see fragments of my skull scattered around and my brains were everywhere. They spat in my face. All three of them raped me. I stayed silent. If I screamed, they would kill me, I knew it. They raped me for fifteen minutes and stopped. They whispered to each other. Then, they left. I gasped for breath, the tears slowly falling down my cheeks.

 Were they done?

 Then, they came back. With knifes. And bleach.

"No, no, no!" I whispered. Dudley pinched my nostrils together. Of course, when I opened my mouth for air, he poured the chemical down my throat and forced me to swallow. Vernon and Petunia stuck the knifes in my thighs and my hands.

Ouch.

They left, glaring.

"Now you know not to ask questions!" Vernon snarled, and I whimpered.

With that, they all left, muttering curses under their breath.

                                                       --- END OF EXAMPLE---

Okay, I legit read a fanfic like this on AO3, so I'm not exaggerating.

There are multiple things wrong with this, over-cliched fanfic example.

The abuse.

"This is bullshit."- Nancy Wheeler

You know, Nancy's got a point. In what unknown universe did the Dursley's ever beat the shit out of Harry? Like, yes they did occasionally starve him, did insult him a couple of times, made him sleep under a dam staircase, neglected him in general. But the Dursley's would never do that to Harry. They were a bit preoccupied with Dearest Darling Duddykins for one thing. And Dumbledore scared them shitless. Also, where was Harry. Does he like, you know, EXIST? 

Scarlett's power.

She's a Metamorphmagus, a Legilimens, a Parselmouth, a Seer, can control the elements, has magic that's not meant to be under control, under control blah blah, how about you give her telekinesis? A bit of mind control as well? Some weather manipulation couldn't hurt either...

YOU'RE MAKING A FLIPPING HARRY POTTER FANFIC, NOT PERCY JACKSON OR STRANGER THINGS, IF YOU WANT TO MAKE A DAM FANFIC ABOUT THEM GO THE FUCK AHEAD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

*intense breathing* Kay, I'm done!

Moving on!

The descriptions.

SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT!!!- Dustin

Your fanfic can be shitty as My Immortal, but if you say he's got brown, neat hair and some lovely blue eyes, I'm about to climb into my screen and start killing people.

Children who lived.

The Avada Kedavra curse only works on one person at a time, so the only way they could both have scars was if Scarlett's neck was on Harry's forehead, and that ain't gonna happen. Also, don't make two Chosen Ones. It was a BOY. A BOY. ONE SINGLE, FUCKING BOY! 

Also, why is the main OC always a girl?

The names.

Lily = Flower

Petunia = Flower

Therefore, OC must = Flower

But Flower must = Reasonable Flower

It's basic math!

You're gonna want to name her a flower, but don't give her the crappiest name ever like Forget-Me-Not Potter or some shit like that.

Examples: Violet, Tulip, Daisy, Rose, Lavender, Iris, the list goes on and on.

Not: Bleeding-heart, Hydrangea, Chrysanthemum, Carnation,  Ageratum, Gardenia, the list goes on and on.

If you want to name her something like Bergamot or Rhododendron, be my guest, but don't come whining back to me when the only comments you get are "tf is a hollyhock?"

Exception: 'Second' by @Nerd0225 , only two chapters but she doesn't have a scar and the blurb makes me feel like it diverges from the average 'Harry Potter's Twin Sister', so I guess that's a plus :)