i could never tell you that i'm breaking slowly

song lyrics/title are from feelings are fatal by mxmtoon

it's always for you

and never for me

and I need it to stop

so let me tell you, please

it was a quiet day at camelot, the afternoon sky pale blue with a light drizzle. a calming atmosphere, especially for a queen who's heart had led her astray and needed a quiet place to think over her dilemma.

agatha sat on a bench in the castle's garden, her favorite place to be when she needed to be alone and think to herself.

lately she had been feeling tired and disenchanted with life. her wedding was a happy moment in her life, a hopeful ending to her story. she and tedros had been determined to get to camelot and start working. but five months in, and she already felt tired from it. rebuilding a kingdom was no easy task, but when new problems kept arising right as you fixed old ones, you begin to wonder what you're even working towards.

the leaves and flowers rustled as a strong breeze passed by and agatha tilted her head back, feeling the refreshing wind on her face. when had she started feeling like such an object, a working machine whose only purpose was to satisfy the needs of people who could never be satisfied? tedros had grown up knowing this would be his destiny and had accepted it long ago. but she hadn't. how was she supposed to expect it would be this hard?

agatha sighed, thinking back to the graveyard days with just her mother and her cat. she would write poems and stories, collect the rare species of bugs that crawled around her house and observe them, or have parties with reaper when her mother was out tending to her patients (she would always make him wear a stupid party hat, much to his dismay). she started with surprise, realizing she was missing her childhood days, long before sophie had shown up at her door.

but when she did, everything changed. she had a friend now, a friend outside of her graveyard home. her whole world revolved around sophie and the few hours she would come to visit in the evening. suddenly she stopped writing her poems about death and whatnot. she stopped collecting bugs since sophie found her collection "absolutely appalling, you sound like a student at the evil school". she had a new playmate who wasn't reaper and actually seemed to enjoy their time together. all her thoughts were spent on sophie, what they would do the next time they hung out, how to convince her to forget about dropping her for a magic fairytale school and stay with her instead.

and once they came into the woods, well... she hadn't had a single thought that didn't extend beyond keeping sophie safe and once she became dean, agatha was focused on tedros, who was slipping more and more away.

when was the last time she had done something for herself?

she stood up and walked to the garden fountain and stopped when she saw her reflection. when was the last time she had looked at her own face, besides avoiding it all her life or being quickly dressed and pushed around by her maids?

her eyes landed on the diadem in her hair and she touched it, running her hand across every ridge. this girl she was seeing, she was a storybook hero. a princess. now a queen. she seemed as if she came straight out of a fairytale, as good's greatest savior.

no sign of the graveyard girl from before. years ago, she would've thought that as a good thing.

now, it just made her heart feel hollow.

based off this tumblr post of mine - https://essaofcamelot.tumblr.com/post/634514314691313664/agathas-character-development-and-her-role-in-the