The night I dissapeared
I dance with my friends at the rhythm of the song that sounds in the disco, I already have some beers and I can say that I feel very good, free, I really love to dance and although I do not like going out very much, I enjoy these moments. Almost all my youth has been spent in my home, in my room where I have created my own space, where I feel that I can't be hurt. My reality is that I can't go out alone, every time I do I experience a strange feeling of fear, anguish and anxiety, deep down I know that nobody is behind me, that nobody watches me from afar. Something like my late sister wouldn't happen to me, right?
After several songs and other beers, I feel like going to the bathroom so I get away from the boy I was dancing with, and I try to find my best friend Amber among all the people to ask her to come with me but I don't see her, until Jake, the oldest of the group, points out where she is, I can see her kissing with a boy so I prefer not to interrupt and I just tell my friend that I'm going to the bathroom. He nods and I start walking being pushed by all the people in the place.
I appreciate that the bathroom is not alone, there are several girls in a group retouching their makeup; I feel safe and go into a cubicle. It makes me laugh that it is difficult for me to urinate in this state because being dizzy I stagger, I remember how my older sister used to tell me about her experiences every time she drank alcohol and every time she vomited, the memories come to my mind and my state of peace is fading fast. I feel uneasy while I wash my hands because once she told me about a weird man but she didn't say much and I can't help but think of possibilities that unfortunately can never be verified because she isn't longer here and no one can change what happened.
I get out of there with my mind and stomach upset, I feel even more dizzy than before, everything spins me and a feeling of closure invades me for all the people around me, it overwhelms me and I start to despair a little because I don't see my friends, I get up a bit by putting my feet on tiptoe while I look around the place. A chill runs through my body and all the sensations from before intensify when in the background next to the bar I see a man looking directly at me.
I look away and think that it is only something mental, that the thoughts have led me to imagine that the man is staring at me, I try to calm my breathing but I am not getting it, I feel my heartbeat increase because in these situations I don't know what to do, I don't see my friends and I panic that something bad could happen. I need to get out of here, I can't breathe well and I can't walk with steady steps either. I choose to turn around to go to the bathroom again and calm down there, I try to push myself closer to the door, I look over my shoulder towards the bar but the man is gone.
That calms me down a bit, but when I turn I am paralyzed when I see the tall man right in front of the bathroom door, I see him in the eye for a second and he lowers his gaze on my body, I feel my eyes get wet and my hands sweat , I hold them for a moment to the edge of my blue jean skirt before going as fast as I can to the back door of the place, I pass quickly between people and I appreciate being something small, sometimes I try to look back and I want cry because he's chasing me.
As soon as I go out I realize that this back is an alley and it is alone, there is no one out here so it fuels my concern. I start running to one side of the alley dodging the garbage on the ground, behind me I hear the door so I run faster and even so I hear the man's footsteps, I feel that at any moment he will catch me. I get to the street, I can't believe how lonely it is, I have no one to ask for help, the man laughs and his laugh disturbs me and it seems terrifyingly familiar to me, it sounds thick and deep, a laugh that you would only hear in your nightmares.
My legs are tired and my vision is blurry from tears. Since the beginning of my adolescence I have lived in fear of many things but the fear that I feel tonight is different, it is so deep that I freeze and I feel my heart stop sometimes after beating so fast, I can't breathe well but I know that if I stop running I wouldn't breathe anymore. I arrive at a dark park with many trees, I run but with small steps so as not to make noise and to be able to hide here. Only this feeling of being watched didn't go away.
I stay behind a big tree and try to calm my breathing but I can't stop crying so it's a bit difficult for me, I hear him walking but I don't know exactly where, the darkness overwhelms me and envelops me. I almost scream when I feel a cold air on my neck that makes me shudder, I don't move but I hear her raspy voice say in a whisper "I'm here, Sophie." How does he know what my name is? He grabs me from behind by the neck and I scream trying to get loose but he's much stronger than me, I find it difficult to breathe but I manage to hit him in the face with my elbow and I fall to the ground while he cursing me. I get up to run but I know it's late because he pulls my hair leaving a pressure there and I fall to the floor again, this time he gets on top of me and I can't do anything when he grabs a big stone, raises his arm and hits me in my head, leaving me in total darkness.
•••
I wake up scared with rapid breathing and I notice that I'm crying, it is the same nightmare that I have had for a week. I try to move but my hands are tied to the bed, I look confused and I feel a chill when I hear that serious laugh, it is not until I look up and see his face, his dark eyes and his expression of mockery towards me that I feel my heart shrink and I realize I've been dreaming over and over with the night I disappeared.
