James and Lily Potter: Fifth Year

Chapter 10: fifth year

"So, Evans and I will be enemies forever?"

"Oh, James, her name is Lily. Lily, not Evans. You won't be getting anywhere if you can't at least call her by her first name, not her surname."

"But Evans sounds so much better."

"Oy, Frankie!" called Alice across the common room. "C'mere!"

"Don't call me that, Lisa," mumbled Frank, turning red, as he strolled over to the pair. "It's embarrassing."

"Never mind you. We're having difficulties with my brilliant plan. And don't call me 'Lisa', it's so...ditzy."

"All right, what's wrong?" He completely ignored the last comment.

"Potter doesn't have the—er—healthy relationship I thought he had, with Lily."

Frank's eyes widened. "You don't mean they—did you-know-what?" he said weakly.

"Oh, no, nothing like that!" exclaimed Alice hastily. "It's just that—ah."

"Ah? That's all you can say?"

"Did you two lovebirds forget about me?" demanded James. "I'm still here, you know."

"James, shut up," ordered Alice. Then she turned to Frank again. "They're natural enemies; they hate each other like Gryffindors hate Slytherins."

"You got that right," muttered James. Alice paid no attention to his comment.

"Look, Frankie, we have to think of a better plan for them to at least be friends."

"You're not friends?" asked Frank curiously.

"Where did you get an idea that we were friends?" asked James incredulously. "Evans loathes me."

"Well, obviously, since you're acting like a total prat right now, James," snapped Alice. "Look, at least call her Lily. Why do you even like her if you can't call her by her given name?"

Frank sniggered loudly and Alice shot him death daggers.

"Frank, shut up, before I am forced to hex you into oblivion. Then you won't know your own name, and I'll go find another boyfriend that's smarter and hotter than you are!"

Frank shut up immediately, his eyes darting away from Alice and James.

"Oh but is there another boy that's smarter and hotter than Frank?" queried James innocently.

"James, we've no time to ponder my love life. We're talking about your love life now, unless if you want Evans to hate you for the rest of your life. Now, if the hair compliment doesn't work, try the eye one. She has beautiful eyes; you have to admit that."

"Whatever."

"Bad answer."

"I s'pose. For Merlin's sake, this is even harder than trying to dodge the Killing Curse from Voldemort! Girls are so complicated, I've just realised."

"Aren't they, though?" said Frank heavily. "I share your pain, James. I've had a steady girlfriend for three years, and she's a pain in the—ouch!" Alice swatted him painfully. "What in the name of Merlin was that for?"

"You're talking ill of me, Frankie. I won't have it."

"I thought we were talking about my love life," interrupted James sourly. "Now you guys are having a lover's quarrel again. Sometimes I'm grateful that I'm single, seeing what you couples go through."

Frank and Alice both turned crimson and gave him death glares.

"Well, I s'pose we should be helping little Jamie, Al," agreed Frank, after a while of thought. "But what should we do?"

"Becoming friends first is key," said Alice briskly. "You must be nice to Lily. I mean, really, what's there to not like about you? Just don't act like a prat, and nothing will go wrong with Operation Matchmaker."

"You took Pad—Sirius' stupid name for this?"

"He did insist, and I must say, even if I am a year older than the brat, his puppy face pout is very irresistible, even with a girl more superior than he."

"All right, Jamie, I will show you professional charm and flirting that Lily will not be able to resist." Frank grinned.

"Hey, I happen to have very high marks in that area. That's why you find most of the female population at Hogwarts chasing after me with lovesick faces."

"See, James, that's the first thing you have to change," said Alice, rolling her eyes. "Stop with that damn cocky attitude; it aggravates girls that way. Now I see why Lily can't stand you. You're such a—"

"All right, all right! I'll stop being cocky, or whatever. But mind you, don't kill me or hex me if I let something slip once in a while."

"I won't do anything if your cockiness is occasional, but it better not be often, or else you'll never get Lily. Number two: you must be polite to her at all times. And change that stupid hexing attitude of yours! I don't like it."

"What hexing attitude?"

"You always hex innocent bystanders—mainly Snape—in the corridors for no particular reason. Care to elaborate on that?"

"They bother me."

"How so?"

"They exist, don't they? That really ticks me off."

Frank laughed, but hastily turned it into a cough just in time.

"James Potter, I now realise why Lily hates your guts. You're incorrigible, you are. Can't you at least try to change yourself?"

"How, Alice?"

"Oh...I don't know. Be like Frank."

James raised an inquiry eyebrow. "And how will that help?"

"Well, look at it this way, Potter. Frank is every girl's dream boyfriend. He's cute, nice, intelligent, a sweetheart, and a dreamy romantic. Get him to teach you a few of his—er—charms, as he calls it."

"Aww...you really do love me, don't you, Al?" said Frank, wiping imaginary tears from his eyes.

Alice rolled her eyes. "Frank, you will do this job and do this job well. Or I will curse you into oblivion and get a new boyfriend. I'm serious."

"No, you're Alice."

"FRANK!"

"All right, all right, I'll do the job good." Frank smiled and clapped James' back. "Well, James, let's get to work on Operation Matchmaker: Step One."

"Why, Lily," said James in a sickly-sweet tone, "you look absolutely beautiful today! And your eyes are greener than a fresh pickled toad—hey!"

Frank snickered. "Hey, I had to put in something humorous!"

"Frank, if you don't give me good stuff, I'll tell on you."

"Oh yeah? How?"

"I'll tell your dad that you've been treating me very badly and tell Alice that you're not doing your job properly." He grinned smugly.

"Listen, Potter, you don't have that much authority over my father and my girlfriend."

"Oh, don't I? Would you like to find out?"

"NO! All right, I'll give you a good script. But first of all, you have to apologize to Lily."

"For what? I haven't done a thing to her."

Frank stared at him. "Let's see, Potter, what have you done to Ms. Evans? Oh, yes; you've called her 'Evans', played pranks on her, and disrespect her as a person and taunt and tease her. That enough?"

"Aww...c'mon, Frankie!"

"Now, James, or you've got no script from me."

"All right, I'm going!"

James walked up to Lily, who was chatting with Arabella, Jennifer, and Violet by the fire. Halloween had already passed, and winter had come, nearly freezing the Gryffindors.