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tw // mention of self harm, implied suicide
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Sirens wailing in the night and the sound of the wind rustling through the leaves.

Seonghwa never thought he'd enjoy the silence away from the city to be...so beautiful.

He took one last drag from his cigarette before he gently flicked it off the edge of the roof. It was currently 1:37am and Seonghwa was finding his peace by sitting on the rooftop of his 7 story childhood apartment complex, which was now completely run down and abandoned.

He sighed,his breath showing in the cool fall weather. His tear stained eyes, red nose, and swollen lips gave away his false calm demeanor.

"It's so beautiful tonight," he thought, "it's almost too perfect."

He lets out a pitiful laugh as he lets his body fall back onto the roof.

The stars sprinkled all over the dark background of the night sky.

So beautiful. So sad.

Seonghwa's eyes shifted between each glowing dot, there they sat promising a new beginning.

A new beginning.

Thats what Seonghwa wanted.

Needed.

Gently closing his eyes, he breathes in the crisp cold air and lets it out with a sad smile spreading across his slightly chapped lips.

"I wonder what he's doing right now." he asks himself.

"I bet he's cuddled up in bed reading a book... with his lavender tea on the side. He always loved his lavender tea. Warm. A spoon of sugar. Just perfect."

As he opened his eyes, a stray tear fell down and the boy lets out a breathy laugh.

"He was always so perfect." he let's out after a small pause.

Slowly, Seonghwa sits up again but this time just looking at his lap. Letting out a shiver, due to the sudden gust of wind, he starts crying.

"Dammit. You're so useless. You can't live your life feeling sorry for yourself... you promised him", trailing off he looks down to his feet through his bangs.

Swinging one of his legs back and forth, he begins biting at his nails.

A nervous habit he'd had since the age of 12. His fingers were abused and scarred from the constant trauma.

He soon makes himself bleed, and stops.

"Gross..." he whispers looking at his bleeding fingers.

"He hated this. He'd be taking out his little first aid kit right now," he laughs bitterly, "little did he know sometimes i'd do it to feel his soft hands on mine."

The truth is, when Seonghwa was with him, he didn't get the urge to bite his nails. He felt at ease with him, and the urge would only come if he felt he disappointed his lover.

Suddenly, the 22 year old stood up.

Feet near the edge, but he showed no fear and stared off into the distance.

A gust of wind blowing his hair away from his face and suddenly the boy smiles, closing his eyes momentarily only to open them again with anger.

Then came his small outburst...

"IM SORRY!"

"IM SUCH A FUCK UP I KNOW!"

"IM SORRY FOR PUTTING ALL MY STUPID SELFISH PROBLEMS ON YOU! I DIDN'T DESERVE YOU!" Squeaking the last word out he is now crying furiously against the wind.

The silence creeps up after a few seconds.

He continues with a small broken smile, "I hope you're happy now."

"I'm so alone."

"I just want to feel something again."

Stepping off the ledge,he begins removing his hoodie and throws it on the ground. His arms now exposed, littered with scars.

"I wish I was strong enough for you..." he takes a step onto the ledge again.

"I just want to feel the same way I felt when I was with you...but I know that it's impossible."

Silence fills the roof again as dogs bark in the distance.

Seonghwa's eyes look up to the sky, watering up again.

The stars seem to reflect beautifully against his tired eyes, something the poor boy would never know.

Smiling, the boy waits.

He waits, smiling at the beautiful stars.

If only he knew, he was just as beautiful.

A gentle gust of wind creeps up around him as he gives one last smile, and lets the final tear fall.

"I'm finally going home Hongjoong!"

...Seonghwa sighed in relief as he took the step off the edge.

One step closer to his home, Hongjoong...