I've been sick since like saturday. While watching a ff. I've decided to try to get over my feelings. To ignore it at all costs. I don't want to but I should. Just completely stop every trace. Good luck me...
Before I do I wanna write everything and lock it away. I met MaoSae max Zhiniu on 14 march 2019. It was arills's birthday. I remember how happy I was. Just friends no feelings involved. Just playing with children with him. And talking like old friends.
I miss it... I miss laughing with him. I miss playing with him. I miss seeing his smile. I miss hearing his laugh. I miss getting mad at him. I miss being able to be next to him and being myself without worry. I miss touching his hair. I miss laughing with him on the ground. I miss his smirking sound when talk to me. His laugh at me. His touch. His weird habits. I miss when he did things sincerely for me. I miss when he would just show me himself.
When i found out things about him like. He likes sweets a lot. Especially chocolate and gummy bears. He loves spicy food and every kind of meet but he had a slight disliking towards fish unless it was sushi. He doesn't like studying but he's worked so he'd prefer going to school. He gets cocky and he has his bat habit but I know he has good intentions and a heart of gold. I know he has his faults. He tends to make rash decisions when stressed he's thick headed and stubborn but I ask know he is really trying. I hope he succeeds. I know he's sensitive to sound in sleep. He wants his child to be a girl. He has sensitive skin. He likes dancing and raping he's kinda terrible at singing. He's smart but he's not wise to use it. He has his talents just not the integrity.
I miss seeing that flame in his eyes. I hate how he's distant now. i hate that i barely get to see that flame in his eyes now. I hate that I decided to like him. But its how I feel sincerely with all my heart and would and everything I am. I decided to love him and I love him too much. It hurts that I have to atop I hate it I don't want to but I should because its all just a fantasy now. I should... But that's the past now it won't happen again. I have to stop.... I hate this so much it hurts but I'm not mad. I'm just sad and incredibly hurt to do this...
Goodbye Milowi that loves Maosae... You loved him showed him. But he doesn't like you back its time to die. Youre a flower in my heart that grew from a seed that wasn't supposed to... I'm sorry to bring you to life just to kill you... I'm sorry... My pretty flower... I'm sorry.... Its my mistake... You are such a beautiful part of me but you cause me too much sadness and grief there's no use keeping you. I wish I could grow you more in sorry... I'm so so sorry. Milowi your birth on 14 march 2019 was great you lived and gave me happiness for over 1 and a half years I'm thankful but today I have to cut you off and bury you. I'm sorry
Love and sorrow, 15 year old milowi. These were one of my happiest memories sadly they give me the most sorrow so I have to put them away... Good bye... My precious acacia....
