Heavenly Thirst

Prologue: Delilah (for my girlfriend Sam, i love you)

The sand that slid in between each of my painted toes was scorching hot, hotter than boiling water slowly scalding the skin. My bathing suit although beautiful did nothing to protect me from the constant harassment of the sun, which in this case was quite relentless. After I placed my violet beach bag along side of a petite oak tree that sat along the waters edge, I slowly began to wade into the dark mystic waters of Lake Ventus.

It was a beautiful day, the sky a richer and more stunning blue than that of a Tiffany box and as I let the cool water lap over each of my feet I felt a surge of pure elation. There would never be a better time to be alive than in this moment.

As I walked farther into the tempting water I heard my mothers voice from the shore, a break in the stunning silence, like a crack in the most elegant China.

"Delilah!" She screamed from across the white sandy beach. "Don't walk out too far darling, you're not a good swimmer." I simply ignored her and as I examined my small frame. I could see the curves of every muscle. I was strong, strong enough to swim. Despite all of the imaginary flaws my mother saw.

Normally I would have never let the lakes water wash over me, I wouldn't have even put up with the outrageous idea of going to the beach. But, after taking some time to look back on my 19 years of life I realized I had never once stepped out of my comfort zone and let go of logical thinking, even if just for a day. Today was the day that I broke free from the chains my mind had formed around my actions. I decided to no longer restrain myself from simple pleasures and allow myself to explore the world in the way I always wanted to, with a free and content mind.

I could feel my heart racing as the cool water washed over my chest and neck, I was living on the edge and facing every non swimmers fear. Adrenaline coursed through my veins as I began to feel more sure of my legs and feet. Each step I took was another rip in the fabric of my mental restraints and as I looked up into the endless sea of blue spread across the sky I felt a sharp nervous pain in my stomach. That was the second I realized that I had lost all footing and the endless sea of blue sky turned into the lakes hopeless dark abyss.

My feet no matter how far I stretched, refused to touch soft innocent sand and like a double agent my day so full of joy and life betrayed me. It allowed me to slide off of a sand bar and into the cold clutches of the black water bellow me. I tried to fight, tried to bring my head to the surface to greedily suck in air as if it was the only function I would ever be able to preform. But the more I kicked, the more I struggled against the weight of the miles of water below me, the more the lake craved me at its bottom. It craved my bones resting along its sharp and Jagged bottom, it craved my mothers salty tears as I slipped completely from view and it craved the pain and longing my family would feel in there hearts. It fed off of sorrow off of lies and off of everything it could swindle from me.

My lungs screamed at me like a banshee on heroine. Just as the needle was what she wanted I wanted air, I wanted to inject it like a drug. I wanted to close my eyes and breath deeply when in reality I was flailing my arms beneath the surface of the water. My mother was obviously not in sight or My body wouldn't be on the verge of shutting down. I wanted to scream for her, have her come and rescue me like a child because in this moment, as I was slipping farther below the surface I was stripped of all fronts that I attempted to put up. My soul was naked and pleading, requesting any pity that was was offered.

As my limbs slowed down their frantic slashes through the water as thick as oil my mind began to give in, began to almost float into a state of eternal bliss. My mouth twisted into a sick grin because all my life I had been afraid, afraid of what my choices might do to my future, afraid of what my choices might do to my life. But in this desperate and beautiful moment I was happy. Even though I did not crave death I was pleased with the choices I had made. Even if drowning was the end result. And as my mind drifted peacefully into a sleep like state I felt what would have been a single tear float into the water in front of my nearly lifeless body. I then realized that I couldn't feel my limbs, in fact I couldn't feel anything. And in that perfectly painless state of pure elation I closed my eyes and for the last time my heart beat. For the last time blood flew through my weakened veins.

And I smiled.