True Love?

10

  I did get out the closet but I had to break down and sob, how fucked up is that I had to get to a point of crying where I could barely speak for him to stop and allow himself to hear me. All I could say was I was done and I can't do it anymore; then start packing. He started apologizing and crying saying how he was getting help to get on the right meds. No matter what I couldn't stop thinking of him shoving me and that glazed look over his eyes. It was like he didn't see me though he was looking at me, to blind by his anger. His selfishness had gotten to much for me, I had no more me to give, but he still wanted me to give. His solution was to call my aunt like he had done before to have her calm me down, so I told her the truth. I couldn't do it anymore, I had a new job where I can get myself out of the eviction I followed him into, he had put hands and that's all she needed to hear. She said to tell him to get the fuck out and I did, he didn't like that, so he took the phone and I had to scream to tell her he broke my cell. Right when he said, "Oh yeah and I broke her phone good luck getting a hold of her", then hung up.  The fight started late Friday/early Saturday to later the afternoon Saturday. My aunt and uncle showed after his mother and sister came and he had acted like he did nothing wrong even lied a few times, so when they came and called the police for breaking my cell. It was no surprise when he played down what he did and that his cop daddy got him off. Sad part is I told the police he needed help because he was trying to take pills, then cut himself, then pills again; talk'n bout how he was going to kill himself. They had him go with them and later he told me he did exactly that, tried to commit suicide.

 Later that week I got white hatted which means your officially apart of the team, but because it was hard to get back home and my cell was being difficult I became more down and missing him. I learned I relied on him to much, emotion and transportation. Nights where difficult because I was so used to him sleeping next to me or just being next to me. It was like my other half was missing, nightmares of him committing suicide, my breaking point was I had a dream of us sleeping in our bed and I woke up to him not breathing and not waking up. So I did exactly what everyone said not to and emailed him to give me time to enjoy our home as ours. I was to afraid to have him there, but I wanted a couple days. When he messaged me asking for me to call him, so I did. Turns out he had gotten into a fight with his family and gotten kicked out, so the cops had stopped him because he had been limping around and needed a place. So I told the cops he could come back. That email was the worst mistake of my life, because I then lost my everything.

 When he came I unlocked the front door went to my room and locked it, tell he came in and said he like to take a shower and would go in the bathroom, while I came out of the room to leave him a bath towel. Our new dog Zeus was so excited he wanted to see him and kept looking at me questioningly when I slowly gave him a towel but kept my distance. I felt like a timid child wondering when she would be lashed out at and have to run. I was a little shaky and I guess with all the feeling I should have took that as a sign. Instead I got curious as to why he was so skinny and dirty, he looked like he hadn't eaten in days and showed in at least a day. So we talked I had him explain why they fight, why the limp, why the suicide attempt and he explained it all including that horrific and confusing night. He asked if he could pick up Zeus and I let him because he clearly wanted attention. Which wasn't a surprise because he always seemed to get an energy boost at night. Which tell this day I never understood why Zeus acted afraid of him but wanted to be loved by him. Though now that I write it I guess not because I still have my moments.