Descending Grief //KenHina//

Chapter 1- Happy Birthday

A/N: This fanfic is also posted on my Ao3! (in external links)  Chapter 2 posted in the first Chapter there as well- Enjoy!

Kenma Kozume rested on the sodden ground, still wet from morning dew. You could see the tears streaming from his eyes as he gazed at the stone peeking out from the grass. It had the name Kuroo Tetsurou engraved onto it.

It had been one year since Kenma's beloved soulmate had passed in a car crash.

It still hurt to think about him. Kenma thought himself stupid for still crying after three long years of grief. He grieved everyday since he died.

He desperately missed him today.

"Kuro," he whispered under his breath in between sobs,
"It's your birthday today"

It hurt to say his name, even. It hurt more than you could ever imagine.
"You would've turned twenty today," He whispered.

"I hope you're up there, listening to me Kuro."
Kenma placed a volleyball close to the gravestone, along with a bouquet of bright red poppies. "Happy birthday,"

If you had been there with Kenma, or had been a spectator at the cemetery, You would have caught sight of Kenma Kozume, crying, or rather: sobbing, inconsolably on the ground, with poppies and a volleyball.

Oh the pain that Kenma had gone through the last few years. He would wake up almost every day in a cold sweat, having relived his soulmates death in his dreams. He often expected Kuroo to greet him when he came home from work. He wasn't there of course. He knew Kuroo would've wanted him to move on but no matter how hard he tried he couldn't seem to form relationships anymore.

Akaashi helped Kenma through his grief. He often came over for lunch, and even sometimes dinner, bringing his soulmate, Bokuto, along.

Kenma appreciated it when they came over. But it didn't help much.

The only time he found relief from his grief was when he was with Shoyou hinata.

Kenma did not, in fact understand why he felt better when he was with Shoyou. Perhaps it was because of his bright personality. Or maybe it was his consideration about Kenma's social anxiety and the loss of Kuroo.

Kenma was timid. Most of the time. Quiet and blunt when it came to conversations. There were a set of invisible rules that came with having social anxiety, things your subconscious wouldn't let you do, for fear of drawing attention to yourself and being criticized. Shoyou- he kind of understood, in a vague way. It didn't seem that way on the outside, because having bright orange hair and screaming your opinions out loud didn't quite match with Kenma's quiet personality. It worked though.

So, while Kenma sat at Kuroo's grave, on his birthday, holding a bouquet of his favorite flowers, silently sobbing into his hands, he felt a hand on his back. Kenma jumped in surprise, whipping his head around, to see Akaashi with a comforting expression. Behind him was a bright orange shock of hair and white spikes. You could hear the distant shouting of 'Bokuto-kun' and 'Chibi-chan' behind him. Kenma averted Akaashi's gaze, tilting his head down so that his hair would close his field of vision, blocking Akaashi. Kenma wiped his tears away with the sleeve of his sweater, sniffing silently. He tried to stop the sobs that were trying to rack through his body. It had been some time since Akaashi had seen Kenma cry.

He'd been concerned, seeing that Kenma hadn't been talking much, had been withdrawing. Akaashi tried his best not to overstep his boundaries, for Kenma was not the type to let people in so easily. Breaking his trust could break the friendship. He wished all the best for Kenma, did what he could to soothe the pain, although it didn't help much; the fact that it did comforted Akaashi.

A distant, "Akghaaaashiii," sounded from the parking lot, where Bokuto and Hinata had moved their banter to. 

Akaashi momentarily turned his head around to glance at Bokuto, then deciding to ignore him; turning back to face Kenma. 

"Are you ok?" Akaashi murmured. It was barely audible, silent as can be. 

Kenma nodded, slightly, and prepared to get up from his spot on the grass. He trudged through the graveyard, Akaashi at his side. The walked towards the parking lot in silence, when Hinata walked up to them, handing Kenma a handkerchief. Kenma accepted it, quickly wiping his eyes, and dabbing at his nose. He needed to film a video soon, get some makeup on or something. 

He got into the car, started it, and began the thirty minute drive home. 

~

Kenma sighed as he unlocked the door to his shared apartment with Oikawa. Another day with Oikawa, and it was always tiring. He entered the apartment, briskly walking to his room, hoping Oikawa didn't come up to him and ask him for something. 

Luckily, he did make it to his room without having to deal with Oikawa. He began the boring process of applying the usual liner onto his eyes. 

The habit had started when Oikawa had somehow convinced Kenma to let him do some makeup on him for his own video. The two Youtubers were well known and popular amongst Japan. Oikawa did the collab purely because he thought Kenma would look adorable with some eyeliner and lip gloss. He begrudgingly obliged, and after filming, he didn't have time to wipe it all off and just filmed his next video with slightly smudged eyeliner on his face. His fans were enthusiastic for it and his next video, the comments begged for him to put it on again. So, he did, and it slowly became his trademark. 

~~

Kodzuken uploaded 10:30AM- "Playing COD-- again."

532 Comments-

OikawasFlatAs: Why isn't Kuroo in your video's anymore Kenma? I miss him!

                Kenmasbae: I miss him! Where's he been?

~~

Kenma resisted the strong urge to slap his face, groaning silently. He hadn't told his follower's that Kuroo wasn't around anymore, which was weird because it had been more than a year. He couldn't bring himself to break the news, knowing that many of his fans really liked Kuroo. Kenma let his head rest on his recording desk. 

A few knocks sounded at the door- Oikawa. 

"Come in," came the silent invitation, unenthused and bored. 

Oikawa skipped through the now open door, a smile gracing his lips and his arms flailing around. 

"Gueeess who just got a daaate? Meeeee! Iwa-chan just asked me outttt!" He squealed, almost jumping up and down.

"I thought you two were soulmates?" Kenma scrolled through his phone, glancing up every now and then. 

"Yeah, mhmm, but he didn't like me, so I graced him with my endless love and beauty, and he eventually fell for me," Oikawa gushed. 

Kenma rolled his eyes, "Sure,"

Oikawa pouted, he was hoping to get more of a reaction out of Kenma, but Kenma was Kenma, and you couldn't change that. Muted reactions was all you could get from him. 

~~

Kodzuken:

@OikawaBich is being dumb again.

~

OikawaBich:

@Kodzuken how rude! I just got a date and this is how you congratulate me?! '(ᗒᗣᗕ)՞

~~

Kenma debated on sleeping or continuing to edit his next video. He sighed, it was nearly 2 AM, and he had a meeting tomorrow. He could sleep and continue working on it tomorrow, narrowing his free time, or he could sacrifice his sleep and get it all done so he could have more free time to do dumb crap. 

He shut off his computer, and flopped onto his bed, facing the ceiling, limbs flailing around. Although he had been fine most of the day, he couldn't help but miss Kuroo once again, when he wasn't plagued by other thoughts. Being left to your own thoughts was dangerous, and Kenma didn't like it. But today would be an exception. Kenma tried his hardest to not let the tears escape his eyes. And, well, they didn't. Kenma laid on the bed in silence, feeling an invisible pressure push down on his chest. He heaved a sigh; once again, before drifting off to a tiresome sleep.