Vai's Diary

Introduction

❝  [V]ictory is what I see,
          [A]chievements within my journey,
                 [I] lost it all when I end up the chapter of my story.  ❞

                                                        —vaihasan

       I don't know what happened into my past, because to tell you honestly— I lost my memory. I don't know what happened to me like how did I forget everything in just a snap, because I just woke up and everything is new to me. Yes, I could still know my name. I know my family. But the hell is I tried to recalling the past but I couldn't... My head would be suddenly aching, that's why I stop recalling the past. And let me tell you that I don't know who I am and what I am. But it doesn't mean I am out of my mind, I just wanna know what is exactly I am. It's not about the gender what you think, it's about those three lines that you read above.

Everybody said, "Vai? May I know what happen to you? You are not like before. You are now...weird and different."

That's mostly I heard on them.

Someone said, "the last thing I remembered to Vai, she always there for me every time I felt upset. But now, every time we talked, seemed you'd like to say goodbye or should I say... you prefer to be alone."

It's true. That's what I want. I don't like people surrounding me. But I like them to hear my voice through music and works of art. See? I still don't know my self. It's  confusing, right?

But these all happened two years ago...
I was a grade eleven senior high student. I only remember that I was about to end up my life story. But it didn't happen when my grandma stop me. She was very worried when she found out I was drowning, when I lost as a top one student.

I still remembered the reaction of my grandma when I shared to her that I stop singing. It all started when requested a song, she wanted me to sing her favorite song... And fuck I didn't know what should I do? Hell, that time I had no idea how to sing! It's not I really don't know how to sing,huh? Seemed I couldn't feel myself into it. I couldn't feel my soul on it. If I sing, seems it's out of tune. I did not tend to lie to my grandmother, so I admitted that I broke my voice. That time, my grandma helped me to rise up, and fight this kinda darkness that wrapped around my soul. Then, until one day, I lost my memory. And I don't know how it happened. It just happened.

Now, let's begin the journey. Happy new year everyone!