The Real Life of Mia

November 14th, 2017

     The days all start the same. Get up, brush teeth, wash face, do makeup, do hair, throw on some loose shirt and skinny jeans, and book out the door just in time for the bus.
     I don't often worry about breakfast because it's not like I need it anyway, I'm nearly 200 pounds in 8th grade, I'll survive if I skip a meal or two. Mother always told me guys don't like their ladies bigger anyways.
     Getting on the bus is always awkward, my thighs touch every seat as I pass, so the kids in the walkway have to move into their seat just for me to pass. I sit in the same seat everyday, the very last seat on the right row, Always with Kyle.
     Kyle and I joke around a lot, which is probably why we always sit together. We joke about a lot of things, but due to him being gay, sex is a big one. We joke about how the bus driver thinks we have the hots for one another and we both cringe at the thought.
     I'm a Virgin, which is a pretty normal thing for a 13 year old in 8th grade, so I'm not worried about getting laid anytime soon.
     Walking into school is always awkward, I hate being around a lot of people, not because I'm nervous, but because I'm fat. Walking in with my friends like Emily and Rue is always awkward. Emily is this short little thing, about 5 foot 1 with long honey brown hair. She is skinny, but not to the point where she doesn't have curves. And although people's don't really like her, I do, she's one of my best friends. Rue, however, is beautiful in a unconventional way, she has this long curly blonde hair, and she's about the same height as me, so like 5 foot 4, she's skinny, no butt but her hips make up for it, which she doesn't necessarily care about. Being friends with girls like them always makes me feel, left out, as if I missed the how to be skinny and pretty class.
     School is always the same, sit through the classes, do the work, spend like 10 minutes in the bathroom each class critiquing and bullying myself. Flirt with my cute guy friends knowing I will never leave the friend zone. Stay after school for cheer. Argue with my cheer coach because she hates me. Go home.
     Home sucks, mom always works till 8, when she comes home she's always in a mood. Ralph, my step dad, gets home around 6 every night. The only people that are home whenever I get there are normally just aunt Clara and whoever her caretaker of the day is.
     Aunt Clara is my Great aunt, my grandfathers sister. She lives with us now but when I was younger I went to her house all the time, she practically raised me and my older sister Olive. She was once a strong woman, never married, always said she never needed a man to boss her around. She was everything I wish to be. She was successful, powerful, independent, everything you could wish for in a strong woman. But no matter how strong you are, Dementia is always stronger. So now she just spends all day in bed, and if we're lucky she will move to the chair and watch TV.
     Olive moved out earlier in the year, she moved in with my step sister; so now it's just me, all alone, always.
     The days are always fast, unless they are slow. I normally clean when I get home, take out whatever food mom decides to cook that night, and then just relax.

I, like most kids my age, love my phone. I love the social media. I love that I can pretend to be whoever I want to be. I'm popular there, lots of followers, lots of friends, and best of all, people don't think of me as the fat girl.
     Now don't get me wrong, so far I've probably convince you that I'm like an ogre or something, but I'm not. I'm all reality if I was skinnier, I'd be like a 9, but I'm not, so I deal with the label given, maybe a 7 on my good days.
     I mean, I don't really like people my age anyways. High school kids are where it's at. Around here it's pretty hard to find another bisexual girl (let alone a full blown lesbian), so I stick with guys most of the time, and with my phone it's pretty easy to keep them all straight. The guys I actually care about have my number, the guys that Im just friends with or that I want nothing with have my Snapchat, and the guys that I don't care for I keep in my insta inbox. Fucked up, I know I know but it's how I like it. Guys don't really date me anyways, so why not play the field.
My parents have been taking my phone every night at 9:30 since may, when I got caught sneaking out. I mean it really wasn't me who got caught; Rues mom found evidence on her phone of us sneaking out and gave me and ultimatum,  either I tell my parents or she will. I knew it was probably best for them to hear it from me. My step sister came down to keep them from killing me when I told them, but my mom came pretty close.
Because of this stupid rule I've had to find ways around it, so I got myself a burner phone. It doesn't have data but it works on wifi, so I use it. I have all my business on it, my real phone stays pretty clean of everything so that my parents don't find anything. They have no idea that I know they look through my phone like three times a month, so I Give them a pretty boring show. I delete Snapchat every time I come home, and I keep my insta on a fake page so they have no idea. It's all better that way, it allows me to be who I am without worrying about disappointing them more than I already have.
I shower quick, mainly because I don't like being naked and alone, forced to reconcile my own thoughts and decide who I should really be. I keep silent when I walk through the house, try not to draw too much attention towards myself in hopes they never ask me questions and never think twice about me.
     I do my best to prevent them from having reasons to search me or my things. I have little to hide, just a Juul and a few empty alcohol bottles that I'm waiting to throw out. The alcohol isn't something that I care much about, they could take all the alcohol in the house and put it under lockdown and I wouldn't mind, but the Juul would hurt me.
See if you've never had nicotine, then you don't know the light effects it has on a person. The first few hits and your lit up, you feel great and even though it only lasts mere seconds Im happy to have even felt good for that long. I've smoked weed here and there and I enjoy it, but I'm broke, so I take what I can get when I hang with others but I don't worry too much on it.
9:30 gone and passed, phone plugged in on the coffee table in the living room, mom on the couch watching whatever her show of the week is, and Ralph likely in bed by now. Once I feel like thinks are safer, and my mother thinks I'm asleep, I slip out my burner. I spend hours a night texting, calling, and taking pictures.
Scrolling through my feed, liking, judging. Message after message rolls in, and then one catches my eye.
     Kirk sent you a Snapchat "hey wyd"
     "Nun much, Layin in bed hbu"
     "Same, im bored asab... anyways... remember that time you came over and we was all smokin but you didn't hit it, lmao that shit was funny. We should hang out again"
     " yeah that sounds cool, I haven't smoked in forever frl, when you tryna hang?"
"Rn if you wanna, we could go to the park and chill maybe, I smoked earlier too so I'm just chillin rn"
     Did he just say too? Is he tryna smoke me up? Cause I haven't smoked in forever so free weed sounds about good right now! " yea bet... meet there at 12?"
     "Sounds good to me, see you then cutie"
     CUTIE?! Ew not Kirk, I don't like Kirk like that and I pray he doesn't like me like that either lmao. If he makes a move or anything I'll just tell him I'm not into him like that, end of story.
      I throw on a pair of shorts, a sweatshirt, running shoes, hair in a pony tail, make it look like I'm going for a run. How funny, as if anyone would believe you would be going for a run. So now I wait.