Love in Lockdown

Love in Lockdown
Shamenaz
“This lockdown is killing me”. Sahir says in desperation.
“It is just the third day; I am not able to cope up with it. How I will pass eighteen more days. I feeling so depressed alone”. He said these words in utter despair.
              Sahir, a Mechanical Engineer of 26 years from Lucknow was a tall man of wheatish complexion. He was smart enough to make any girl fall for him but in his College days, he suffered a terrible heart-break, since then he decided to stay away from girls. He did his Master's degree in Mechanical Engineering from his native city, Lucknow and now was working in a Multinational Automobiles Industry based in Mumbai for two years. His family comprises of 6 members; his father, mother, two younger siblings and a grandmother. His father, a school teacher by profession and mother was a housewife. His both, younger brother and sister were pursuing graduation from Lucknow. And his grandmother loved him a lot as he was her eldest grandchild, her center of love, her ladla, as his siblings use to tease him. He was very close to his family and so in these turbulent days, he was missing them a lot.
             Here in Mumbai, he was living in a rented flat with his friend, Sanjeev, who was also his batch mate in College. They both were friends for six years, a friendship, which was full of love and trust. Sanjeev, who was from Kanpur left for his home a week back on 21st March, a day before Junta Curfew. He thought to go on 25th March since he had some important work to do related to his firm. But suddenly lockdown was imposed leaving everybody in panic as most of the people didn't think of it. In short, people were not prepared for lockdown in India. They should have been given time and made aware of the scenario.
            “Ah! I would have gone with Sanjeev or he would have stayed here. I miss him”. They enjoyed each other company a lot so now he was missing him a lot.  
             The impact of Covid-19 was high in Maharashtra including Mumbai that the administration passed the orders that all the workers will not go to the respective house they work instead they will be paid by them. This was shocking news for people like Sahir who have never done any household works in their entire life. Back home, it was his mother and sister who did all household chores, and here it was maids. This is the irony of patriarchal society like India where household chores are considered to be the responsibility of females and males enjoy all liberty. As psychologists Cejka & Eagly (1999) and Deaux & Lewis (1984) have quoted in their book.
                          “Men and women are thought to occupy distinct societal roles, for
                           example. Men are viewed as leaders, financial providers, and
                           heads of households, while women are seen as caregivers
                           who shop, tend the house, and provide emotional support. ”
This is saddening that such things even exist in the present-day world also when women are excelling in every field.
              Sahir has never made tea for himself and circumstances have now forced him to make all his meals by himself. When for the first time he made tea on the first day of lockdown, it was so bad that he had thrown them all and called his Mom through video call and she helped him in making tea. At least in these three days, he learned to make tea. All credit goes to his mother.
              Now, since all the Offices, Schools, Colleges and everything were closed and everyone was advised to stay at home and not to step out of their houses so Sahir was majorly involved in household work like cooking, washing cleaning as he stays alone. He also tried learning cooking during this quarantine period. He uses to talk to his family and friends via video calling and did workout to remain fit. He watched some Turkish serials on YouTube as well as Netflix and realized that there are many words of Urdu which are used in the Turkish language also since Urdu is a synthesis of many languages including Turkish. With this, he developed an interest in learning the Turkish language and he tried learning it through various internet sources. He did a lot many things to make himself busy and made his day more hectic during the quarantine. Staying alone is not easy he understood during this period.
              He made all his meals by himself every day so he filled his Refrigerator with stuff like Bread, Bun, Eggs Maggi, Chow Mein, Pasta, Macaroni, and other such eatables which can be easily cooked. While cooking, he often burnt his hands as he was not aware of a few cooking tips which were essential hence had to face a few mishaps. He remembers how he always tells his maid that you don't clean the vessels properly. However, now he has realized that he doesn't do it properly. During this time he has realized that working in the kitchen is a painful job. He started respecting people who work in the kitchen and cook because he understood it's a tough job.
              In the evening, he made tea for himself and went terrace upstairs to feel the fresh air. While he was sipping his tea he heard a beautiful voice. When he turned his head he saw somebody on the terrace of neighbouring building. He came closer to the sound and saw a girl singing Jagjit Singh’s famous ghazal,
                            “Hoshwalon ko khabar kya bekhudi kya cheez hain, 
                             Ishq kijiye phir samajhiye zindagi kya cheez hain”
Sahir felt the voice so mesmerizing that he didn’t move and kept staring at her. He couldn’t resist himself and abruptly shouted. 
           Wonderful! Amazing! What a voice!
           She who was lost in her song suddenly opened her eyes and looked around and saw a man staring at her from the terrace of neighbouring building.
           The expression of embarrassment and anger passed on her face one by one. She didn’t know how to respond so in a state of confusion, she quickly went down.
           Sahir has said those words because he liked her voice. He thought he has not offended her by praising her voice so he was surprised at her behavior. Just then his mobile rang and he smiled seeing Sanjeev’s number. 
               Hey Dude! What’s up?
               I am a fine dude. He replied.
              Yes, you must be fine, staying at home with your family, enjoying. Just look at me, what I have, from a Mechanical Engineer to a house-worker. If you would have been at least you would have helped me in household chores.
               Don’t complain Yaar, I call you twice-thrice every day.
               Ok, listen I saw a girl singing Jagjit Singh’s ghazal, “Hoshwalon ko khabar kya bekhudi kya cheez hain. Her voice was so mesmerizing that I couldn’t resist myself and said some praising words and she ran away. 
               See Sahir, you are not shaving these days so she must have been terrified of seeing your face.
                What a joke! Did it happen to you that you are sharing your experience with me? 
And they both laughed together. Such was their friendship. 
                 The next day, in the evening, when Sahir went upstairs, he again saw the same girl who was singing yesterday but this time she was watering the plants. He looked at her and smiled but she didn’t respond. He felt bad this time. He walked for sometimes on the terrace and then he came back to his flat. Today he cooked chow mien for himself, ate, washed utensils, and went to bed. He tried sleeping but was not successful as he constantly kept thinking of the girl on the terrace and nicknamed her as “Female Jagjit Singh”.  
                 The next morning, Sahir wanted to do exercise so he went upstairs. Surprisingly, this time also he saw “Female Jagjit Singh”. She was watering the plant and singing, “Tere aane ki jab khabar mehke teri khushbu se sara ghar mehke”. This time Sahir kept quiet and just tried to listen to her voice. She was swaying while watering the plant and singing. Sahir liked her persona a lot. She seems to be completely distant from the world; always lost in her thoughts. He realized that slowly-slowly, she is capturing his mind. After that, he made his routine to go to the terrace every day in the morning and in the evening watching her singing or watering the plant. She too was always aware of his presence but never showed.
               Many days passed in this way and it was the tenth day of the lockdown that he found some kites while cleaning. This, he and Sanjeev had bought to celebrate Makar Sankranti on 14th January. And on that day they both had kite flying competition in which Sahir won. Seeing the kites, an idea strikes in his mind which he thought to execute on the same day. So in the evening, he went upstairs on the terrace. He wrote a note on the kite and started flying it high. When the girl came, he loosened the kite and let it drop in such a way so that it may fell on the terrace of neighbouring building. It fell just beside where the girl was sitting. She picked it up and read the note. It was, “Your voice is very good; please sing this ghazal for me, Tujhse naraz nahi ae zindagi hairan hoon main”. She looked at him and responded in sign language as if saying, “why”.
             Till now, Sahir became accustomed to her behaviour so he didn’t feel bad this time. But he firmly decided to talk to her someday.  
              The next day, after breakfast, Sahir got a call from Rohit who asked him his help concerning the migrant workers' crisis. Rohit was a common friend of Sahir and Sanjeev who lived in a flat in the neighbouring building. They all used to hang out together. Today, he has called Sahir to support him in his noble endeavor. Sahir put the mask on his face and gloves on his hand as a precautionary measure, and then he went down. Rohit was waiting for him downstairs. He took him to the nearby ground where some people from both the buildings were engaged in distributing food & other necessary items to the migrant workers and other needy people. Sahir also gave some amount of money for it and started working as a volunteer with others. Till afternoon, Sahir along with Rohit distributed many packets. They both were feeling happy and contended that they were able to contribute something to the cause of humanity at this hour of crisis. Working since morning they were very tired so Rohit went to bring juice for them while he sat under the shade of the tree. 
              When Sahir was waiting for Rohit, he saw a girl distributing sweets and biscuits to the children. Though the girl was wearing a mask her face seems to be familiar to him. He came a little closer and realized that she is the same girl whom he sees on the terrace every day. Seeing a chance, Sahir decided to talk to her.
                      “Hello! May I join you”? Sahir said in a helping voice.
                       She lifted her head and saw a man standing in front of her.
                     “Yes, you may”. She replied hesitantly.
                      Sahir smiled and joined her in distributing sweets and biscuits to the children.
                      Amreen! Amreen! Where are you? He heard the voice of another girl close by.
                      “I am here, Varsha”. The girl next to him replied.
                      “So, your name is Amreen”?
                      “Yes”. She replied and moved towards her friend.
                       “Hey! I have brought some more packets of sweets and biscuits”.
                       “Hello!” She said to Sahir and started distributing. Just then Rohit also came there searching Sahir.
                    "Hey! Bro, you are here, I have been searching for you for ten minutes". He said "Hello" to the two ladies and started helping them. They all chatted a bit while distributing packets till evening and then they all bid "goodbye" to each other and went to their respective apartments. 
                 When Sahir came back to his room he felt happy for two reasons; firstly he contributed something for the cause of humanity and secondly was able to meet “Female Jagjit Singh”. A smile occurred on his face when he thought of Amreen.
                  The next day also they all were engaged in the humanitarian cause; distributing food packets and other items to the needy. Sahir saw Amreen and went to meet her. He said "Hello" to her and this time she answered in a friendly manner. Today he got enough time to talk to her and for the first time, he saw her smiling. And when she was smiling he continuously looked at her and realized that she looks very beautiful while smiling. He felt that his whole world illuminated with her smile. Such feelings were very new to him as he has never experienced this in his life before. In these two days, he got some information relating to Amreen. She was from Lucknow, a Master's in Fashion Designing who was working here as a Fashion Designer in a firm for two years. Here she was living with her friend, Varsha who was very dear to her. Sahir wanted to take her mobile number but he didn’t get time to take it.
              When Sahir went back home he was just thinking of Amreen and whenever he thought of her a smile appeared on his face. At night he couldn’t sleep but kept thinking as if he was talking to himself:
                 “I read somewhere, “the lover is mostly looking for the missing half”.
                 “Yes, I have been looking for this missing half for years”.
                 “But when I met you the void began to fill”.
                 “Here you are in front of me”.
                 “My heart said, this is the woman who can make you happy and fill the emptiness inside”.
                 “Maybe you are not aware of these feelings”.
                  “Whenever I see you, I feel as if sunshine entering my soul, giving me strength”.         
                  “Whenever I spend time with you is calculated in my heart like a waterfall”.
                  “Spills out of me I can no longer stop, cannot control”.
                  “Hope, someday I may be able to express my feelings in front of you”.
The next day when he went upstairs for exercise and saw Amreen, he waved his hand in “hello”. She replied warmly and waved back, Sahir felt very happy. In the evening, he took the kite on the terrace. This time also he wrote the note on the kite and dropped the kite on Amreen’s terrace. She read the note, "Want to be your friend if you allow. Please call me on my mobile number XXXXXXXXXX". He waited for her response but she didn't respond. He understood that she will not call him. After an hour later while he was cooking dinner he received a call from a number not saved in his mobile.
                         “Hello! Is this Mr. Sahir speaking? ” He heard a girl's voice from another end.
                         "Yes, I am. May I know who are you?" He enquired.
                         “Myself, Amreen”.
                         “Oh! I thought some friend had called me I didn’t know that some Professional has called me”.
                          “Professional! I didn’t understand”.
                          “You called me Mr. so I am saying that”.
                          "I am habitual of saying Mr. so I said".
                          “But I am not habitual of hearing this kind of prefixes from friends”. 
                           “Ok, I won’t say it again”. 
They talked for a few minutes and then they bid bye to each other. With this their conversation on mobile started. They often called each other and talked on various topics and would see each other in the mornings and evenings on the terrace. Over time, Sahir realizes that his attraction towards Amreen is increasing day by day. He uses to find excuses to call her. After a week, he called her in the afternoon:
                      “Hello! Amreen, what are you doing?”
                      “I am going to make rotis for myself and Varsha”.
                       “Are you able to make rotis?”
                       "Yes, I belonged to a middle-class family and so my Ammi taught me. Your Ammi must have not taught you since you are a boy. And as per the custom of our patriarchal society, you must have been the Prince of the house".
                       “Yes, you are right; I don’t know to make rotis as we boys are not taught at home. Perhaps for me, people who make the perfect roti are legends as it’s been 20 days of trying and I can’t still make a perfect roti. Now, I only have rice as making roti is not easy. Now, I have immense respect for people who do household work”.
                     “Very nice thought! I am impressed”. 
                     “You should be”.  
                     “Ok! I hung up, I have to make rotis. Allah Hafiz!”
                      “Allah Hafiz!”
Their conversation was sometimes serious and sometimes on a lighter note. One thing for sure was that with the passing of days their bonding was becoming stronger.
           One day, when he was standing near the window, he saw the full moon. The full moon has always excited him since childhood. He went upstairs and called Amreen on the terrace. She thought something serious and came at once but she found him on the terrace waving at her. She also waved in reply and called him on mobile since conversation from such a distance was not possible.
                   “Hello! Sahir, is something important”. 
                    "Yes! Very important, see today there is a full moon. It makes the atmosphere so beautiful, so serene. Have you noticed when moonlight falls on the white flowers, they look so beautiful"?
                     “So, you have called me to see the full moon”.
                      “Why? You don’t like it?” Sahir said surprisingly.
                      "I didn't expect this kind of taste from an Engineer". 
                       “Why?”
                       "Because you Engineers are not sensitive like us. You people live among machine so you become like a machine”. Amreen said teasingly.
                      “So, am I insensitive?”
                      “Well, you are an exceptional case”.
                       “I am honoured. By the way, you came at once on my calling".
                       “Because I thought something serious”.
                       “Means whenever I will call you, you’ll”.
                       “Yes off course…..maybe”. She quickly said then tried to deny her words.
Sahir just smiled at her reaction and she felt embarrassed and left. He understood what he wanted to and felt happy.
            This was one of the times when Sahir didn't let his excited emotions come on his face, but rather restrict them to a smile; a smile that could change the ambiance of any environment. An excitement, that maybe she understands his feeling and liked being with him and a fear that maybe she is just being nice. Oh! The level of the dilemma he was in. Oh! The level of fear he was feeling that what if it was just a nice gesture from Amreen. What if she doesn’t feel the way he does?
           In all these lovely fearful excited thoughts he just remembered, he has to leave for home in some days. Some days back Sahir thought that he would die of loneliness and the pressure of these house chores. But now he feels as if this lockdown was ‘blessing in disguise'. That, if he wasn't this free, there were fewer chances that he would meet this girl. A girl that has appeared on the horizon of his life like a pure and fresh flower when he was in the midst of the chaotic artificial city. He is not that disturbed now seeing this amazing new and happening in his life.
         How beautiful it is, that, the presence of one good person may alter the complete mood of the whole environment. How astonishing it is that life's future (happiness, sadness, success, failures) changes with a slight change in one step. How strong one call, one text, one 'hi', are to change the course of reality. These were the emotions Sahir was going with, and the emotion that he should talk to Amreen, how he feels about her. With all these feelings he went back to his room. Lay upon his bed. How beautiful and uncertain his night was. One moment he was in excitement, another moment he felt afraid. He doesn't even remember till what time he was up. He was up in thoughts about how she should talk to Amreen.
          The next day, he again went upstairs. Since last night Sahir and Amreen didn’t text or message each other. He had been here for 10 minutes and Amreen came. No, no one called anyone this time. They both felt excited seeing each other, but none showed the excitement in their action.
        “Hi”, said Sahir with a trembling voice.
        “Hello?” asked Amreen as if she wanted to know why he was so unstable.
        “Hi! Hi! How are you? ”, said Sahir in a failed attempt of looking confident.
                    “You didn’t call or message me since yesterday? Is everything alright? ”, asked Amreen as if a child was trying to scold his friend for not talking to her for very long.
          “Actually!”!
          “I was..!”.
         “You also didn’t”
         “I forgot”.
                   “Why you asked”, came these phrases out of Sahir with a little fear and stammering. Like, he wasn't sure what he wanted to say. And Amreen started enjoying it. Sahir took a pause with confusion, tried to understand Amreen’s expression, but failed. Though it was dark but due to the quality of mobile, Amreen noticed that there was little sweat on Sahir’s forehead, and a bigger drop was there above his left eyebrow, and it was shining because of the moon's reflection and liked it a lot. She wished she could take his photo in that moonlight but she was rather enjoying it. To break the silence she said:
            “Look, the moon is bright, today also.”
             This sentence from Amreen made Sahir come to his senses again. He felt confident again. Looking at the moon, he says, "Not as bright as it was yesterday".
              "But everything seems the brightest today.” There was intensity in Amreen’s voice as if she felt the moon burning and stars falling for them.
           "Brightest, because you are under the sky, reflecting the light around," Sahir said looking into Amreen’s eyes. Everything seemed to be at a pause. They were on a video call and both seem to be looking into each other's eyes without getting distracted and got lost into each other.
            “This colour suits you” She just moved her gaze and tried to stop herself from falling in the moment.
            “Yeah! I think so” Sahir went blank at once. He could hear his heart throbbing faster than usual; a sensation of love seems to run in his veins.
           “I guess, you want to say something.” Amreen broke the silence.
           “I don’t know how to put into words, Amreen, I am short of words but I ….I want.. I want to say that I feel good when you are around, I feel a rhythm in my surrounding, a sense of tranquility in this chaotic world which I have never felt this before, but it feels good, I don't know what it is”. Sahir lowered his gaze as he spoke with all his courage and couldn’t look into Ameeen’s eyes.
            There was a silence between them for minutes and they just felt that serenity and fluctuations of countless feelings and emotions.
          “Why are you so deep Sahir? Deep as an ocean, you said that you are short of words, but your words seem like morning dews…..” Amreen stopped herself to express what she was feeling.
          "I want to dive into that ocean of deepness of my soul, and that feels possible when I sense you in my life. Your existence brought a turn to my life. I felt which I never thought of feeling; I am failing to understand what this happening with me is." Their conversation was becoming intense after every pause as if the universe was making it to happen. The moon was shining, stars dancing, the silence of darkness played like music.
          “Sahir, you know I have always loved moon because I always believed that one day there would be a person watching the same moon as I am and feeling the same way as I am. I know it doesn't sound realistic but I did believe. I never shared this thought to anyone in my life." Amreen spilled her heart out.
          “You never shared this to anyone, then why me Amreen?” Sahir tried to look for the answer in her eyes.
             She tried hard to avoid Sahir’s gaze who was looking for an answer.
                "I am telling you this because it seems to me that you also love the moon. I never
found anyone with whom I could connect in this way". Amreen said. “I mean who loves moon
like me”. She felt awkward and continued her sentence and that brought a smile on Sahir’s face.
They just melted looking into each other’s eyes and watching that smile on each other’s face.
That night universe seemed to be dancing on the rhythm of their emotions.
               What else? Sahir was inquisitive but Amreen was not ready for this sudden blow. She blushed and remained dumbstruck but Sahir was smiling at her embarrassment. He sighed as if he knew the answer. 
               “At this moment, she heard Varsha calling; Amreen! Amreen! Where are you? ” Amreen felt relaxed and got an opportunity to escape.
                  “I am here Varsha! Coming”. Amreen answered.
                  “Arre! Where are you going?” He didn’t want her to go in that magical moment.
                  “I am going. Bye!” She bid him bye and disconnected the connection of the phone. 
           She went but Sahir remained there for some time enjoying the calm and serene atmosphere. He looked at the moon and realized that it is reminding him of Amreen. After a while, he came back to his room. Though he came down his mind was lingering on his conversation with Amreen. He was anxious, confused, and restless. He thought for a while and arrived on a decision:
                     “Life is very short; you need to live the fullest”. 
                      And if you are in love, then live freely, don’t worry about the consequences”.
In this way, he convinced himself to undertake a step forward in his relationship with Amreen. With this thought, he went to sleep. 
             The next day, he woke up with the idea that today is the decisive day in terms of his relationship with Amreen. So, he started getting ready for it after he had breakfast. He tried to look exquisite in his best outfit and sprayed the best perfume on himself. He tried ordering a bouquet but was not successful so he gave money to one of the guards and he arranged flowers for him. He sprayed sanitizer on the flowers and himself as a precautionary measure. He wore a mask and wet to meet his beloved. Due to security measures during the lockdown, he had to pass the road and reach Amreen’s building very carefully. He did it and reached Amreen’s flat and rang the doorbell. She opens the door and was surprised to see him as didn’t expect such a response from him in such circumstances. And Sahir mustered all his courage and spoke.
                   “Amreen! You are sweet, innocent, and strong".
                   You have a reserved attitude which is very rare and I like it because it keeps you away from all vices of current times”.
                   “When I first saw you I realized that you are extraordinary”.
                   “And as the days passed y I had realized that you are special indeed very special to me”.
                  “Amreen! My eyes do not see anyone except you”.
                  “My heart does not beat for anyone except you”.
                  “If only you could see it”.
                  “I want to spend my entire life with you if only you could agree”.
                  “Please give me a chance to happy in life, to be happy with you”.
Amreen was stunned by Sahir’s gesture but after a pause, she nodded her head in approval. With her acceptance, Sahir felt that his world has abruptly changed. His eyes seem to twinkle with delight. It was a moment which he never experiences before. He seems to be on cloud nine, such was is happiness. It was the full moon that gave a ray of hope earlier and now the full moon had turned a full circle with its silvery light sparkling and scattering a whole galaxy of stars in his heart. As if his heart could not contain the joy and it wanted to spill it over and share it with the world. At least there is no lockdown for his love!!!!!!