Losing Control • Katya Zamolodchikova

I

All Stars.
ALL STARS!
The words buzzed in your mind as you fiddled nervously with your costume. You were reminiscing about your first time on RuPaul's Drag Race and your call to come back to the show.
You were the first biological female queen to ever grace the stage of drag race, and you placed sixth in the competition. Your fan base had been growing ever since, and you had made so many friends. When you got the call for All Stars 2, you were very near hysterical, and you had been checking and rechecking and perfecting your looks ever since.
And now, here you stood, waiting to make your workroom entrance. You were proud of your look; you wore a black lace bodysuit with a black corset with red rhinestones that was so tight that you couldn't really feel your midriff at all. On your feet were a pair of black pumps with thigh-high red stockings, and you'd topped it off with a cape, reminiscent of a superheroine, that read Summer, your drag name, in big, red, glittery letters. Your wig was styled in big, voluminous curls that rolled down your shoulders.
"Summer Surprise." Your name was called and you took a deep breathe before strutting into the workroom where you twirled your cape for the cameras and struck a heroine-looking pose, one hand on your hip, the other fisted and raised skyward.
"Never fear, Summer is here!" You knew the phrase was lame, but you thought you'd sold yourself pretty well otherwise. You turned to the other queens and nearly gasped aloud. This was going to be much harder than you thought. You reacquainted yourself with Detox, who you'd toured with, and Alyssa and Adore. Before you could speak to anyone else, the screen across the room came on and RuPaul announced her things, mostly for the benefit of those watching from home. The announcement of no one being eliminated was the only thing that really stuck with you .
The first mini-challenge was Reading is Fundamental, which was won by Alaska. It was announced that you would be competing in a talent show for the main challenge.

"What are you doing for the talent show, Summer?" Ginger Minj's voice interrupted your internal monologue of anxiety inducing scenarios associated with the Talent Show and Drag Race in general. You looked at her in the vanity.
"Same old, same old. Lip sync. What about you?" You asked as you contoured your cheeks.
"Singing." Ginger replied.
"Oh, you're singing too, Ging?" Alaska said in her slow, drawn out voice. She had been talking with Katya, who was the only queen that you didn't really know anything about, except that she was crazy talented and you were afraid to make eye contact with her. Alaska and Katya began conversing with you and Ginger and you couldn't stop sneaking glances at Katya in the vanity. She had a beautifully structured face and a way about her that was intriguing.
"You know," she said to you. "I was rooting for you on your season. I was really disappointed when you went home." You laughed and she raised her recently drawn on eyebrow. "I'm serious,"
"Oh. Thanks," you say awkwardly. You felt your face heat beneath your foundation and you hoped that Katya couldn't see it.

The talent show went surprisingly well, and you ended up safe with Katya, who'd been making you laugh on the side of the stage to the point where you'd had to cover your face with your fan so the editors wouldn't make it look like you were laughing at an act. You watched as the judges tore into Adore and Coco for their acts and outfits.

—

You were excited for snatch game. You hadn't gotten to do it on your season and you were confident about your choice.
"Who are you doing for the Snatch?" Asked Alyssa, who was fixing a wig at her station beside you.
"Madonna," you reply confidently, showing her your cone-shaped brassiere with a grin. You knew it was good when her jaw dropped and she grinned.

"That's iconic. And fucking smart!" She laughed.
"What about you? Is that a Joan Crawford wig?" You asked her. She nodded. "You're gonna kill it,"
You heard sniffles coming from the other side of the workroom and both looked towards the source. It was Adore and RuPaul. Alyssa and you exchanged a worried glance and watched the interaction unfold.
"That bitch looks stressed," Alyssa whispers to you. She did; her hands were running through her hair and her eyes were red and swollen like she'd been crying.
"You think it's about Snatch Game? Or what Michelle told her? She seemed pretty upset about that," you whisper back to Alyssa. The pair of you watch in silence as Ru hugs Adore. The workroom is completely silent as you all watch Adore Delano walk out the door. As soon as the workroom doors close behind her, the whispers erupt.
"Is she quitting?"
"Could you hear?"
"What did she say?"
"Tapping out?"
Tatianna walks over with you and Alyssa.
"Do you think she's okay?" She asks. Alyssa shakes her head and goes back to fixing her wig.
"I think she took Michelle's critiques really hard. Did Roxxxy tell you what she said in deliberations yesterday?" You ask. Alyssa and Tatianna both turn to you and shake their heads no.
"She said she didn't think she belonged here," You watch as their eyes both widen; Tatianna's mouth drops open into an "O".