Glee: Don't Ever Look Back

Title: Don't Ever Look Back

Chapter: One of one

Fandom: Glee

Characters: Kurt, Blaine

Rating: T

Warnings: Angst, shoddy writing, slash, tenses maybe being mixed up, OOC-ness

Summary: Courage, he sends, trying to instil the idea he knows what he's saying even though he feels he's sending the encouragement to the wrong person.

Notes: Written as a present for a friend to make sure she stays motivated. It worked somewhat. This fic originally written on 30/01/2011, it's also unedited.

☆彡･:*:･★彡･:*:･☆彡･:*:･★彡･:*:･☆彡･:*:･★彡

-I-

Blaine's a performer. The smile he's showing now is purely for the song and it's only for intimidation purposes that he's aiming this smile at the surprised spy who'd invaded their school only minutes before. But then the spy smiles and, somehow, he's not performing. He's flirting, and the look of amazement on the spy's face is enough to let his own enjoyment shine through and before he knows it he's putting in his all and he's taking every opportunity to look into the spy's eyes.

He's happier now than he was to begin with, and the smile on his face isn't false at all.

-II-

He agonises for what feels like forever over what to send to Kurt. He has no business offering advice - he'd run at the first opportunity after all - he was nothing like Kurt. Even now, he has nowhere near that level of courage.

Back then, he'd always wished for bravery, and - if that didn't work - a way out. His wishes for the latter had been granted before the first, and sometimes he feels that the first one had never been granted at all.

Courage, he sends, trying to instil the idea he knows what he's saying even though he feels he's sending the encouragement to the wrong person.

-III-

His visit to McKinley brings back more memories than he likes - fag, poof, queer - and when Karofsky pushes him against the fence, he's frozen. Everything's coming back full force, and the calm façade he's made for himself since Dalton is breaking with every second. He's two seconds from shaking when Kurt pushes his way between them, and he's rebuilding his mask with every step Karofsky takes in the opposite direction.

"Well, he's not coming out anytime soon." He quips, and, not for the first time, he wonders if what he's doing is really the best thing.

-IV-

Kurt's arrival at Dalton was met with mixed feelings-he's safe, he's given up, something worse happened, it'll never happen again-but he plasters on a smile and gives the younger boy a tour. They talk of inconsequential topics, and Kurt's reasons for transferring are avoided until they're free from possible interruptions. He helps with the paperwork, and he convinces the Warblers to give Kurt a try, and everything begins to flow again.

The more Kurt fits into Dalton, the less he drowns in memories and, slowly, the more he sees Kurt as someone other than himself from years ago.

-V-

He's not sure exactly who his speech is for, but he knows it's definitely not directed towards Pavarotti. He leaves Kurt to his on musings and he wanders aimlessly for a while himself. He'd managed to adapt to Dalton life well enough, but Kurt's life was standing out and Blaine wasn't sure how the countertenor could cope with changing that more than he had. He loved Dalton, and he wanted Kurt to love Dalton, but was it really the best place for him to be?

-VI-

It's been a week since Valentine's Day-a week since he's seen Kurt Hummel outside of Warbler practice and he finds himself missing the boy who was just a spy only months ago. He sees him down the hall sometimes, either heading to his next class or the library or to the parking lot to head to Lima for the weekend. He's met with rushed excuses when they talk and as the days roll by he's sure he's obsessing more and more over Kurt Hummel.

This couldn't end well.

-VII-

Kurt sees Karofsky in Lima, and Blaine's calming him down in the store parking lot. The older Warbler is reminded, once again, of reason two of why he'd never made a move, and while part of him wants to say 'screw it', the more responsible part of him is telling him that Kurt needs a friend - not a boyfriend.

They make it back to Dalton full of caffeine, and with bags of Kurt's retail therapy in their hands. There's some light teasing, but Kurt takes it in stride and Blaine smiles as the countertenor gives back as good, if not better, as he gets. Everything flows.

-VIII-

Kurt tells him he's transferring back to McKinley and everything freezes. The packed bags he hadn't acknowledged before are staring him in the face, and, after his second look, the fact that Kurt isn't in uniform registers within him. The now ex-Warbler is waiting for a reaction, and he stammers out 'why' as the diva sighs.

Part of him withers as Kurt gathers his bags and walks by... it's a part he doesn't recognise and for a moment he brushes it off, but with every day he doesn't see Kurt in Dalton he feels it shrivel up a little more.

-IX-

He feels like he's drowning when he enters the halls of McKinley. It's just like performing, he tells himself as he plasters on a look of confidence and strides down the hall. It's just like performing, and they can't hurt you. Courage.

He receives his first slushy facial before he even reaches the Glee Club, and his confidence wavers, but something grows within his chest and he pushes on.

-X-

He's met with a bit less than a warm welcome, but he only has eyes for Kurt. He's rambling, trying to find the words to convey what he means, and the responsible part of him is scolding him for doing this-for returning to the bullying, for hurting Kurt, for potentially hurting himself.

He leans forward, covers Kurt's lips with his own, and tells the responsible part of himself to shut it as the part of him that had withered began to flourish once more.