Demons Don't Feel Love

Chapter nine: My Recovery, my Wellness

The only thing convincing me that she was even well enough to leave the bed was the mere fact that she was able to eat without throwing it up. Outside of that, she was still having moments of terror and anxiety, intense nightmares, and vertigo. She was so weak she could barely stand, but she still insisted that she wanted to go outside.

"Can we go to the park? I wanna be by the water." She said, forcing a smile.

"Of course." I said. "If you start feeling sick just let me know." I held her hand tightly as we walked to the park.

We sat down by the waterside, watching children sail small paper boats on the other side. Anna took off her sandals and dipped her feet into the water. I laid down  in the grass, gazing up at the clouds. I began to fall asleep.

"Daren?" I heard Anna say.

"Yes, love?" I said, waking up.

"I'm getting dizzy, can we go back now?" She asked.

"Yes, of course, let's go." I said. I took her hand and we walked back to the motel.

"It's probably my fault. I keep replaying the dream inside my head."

"It's not your fault, now lie down." I instructed. I must have spent hours trying to break her fever, but nothing seemed to work. Her nightmares were almost one after the other, leaving me exhausted from my efforts to calm her. That's exactly what my night looked like; sleepless and administering medications, physically restraining her so she wouldn't hurt herself, and talking to her just hoping she'd hear me and know that it'd be okay.
As I kneeled by her side, I heard someone whisper to me in a still moment.

You know how she feels, but you've buried the memories inside you. Marry her, you'll at least have this in common.

I turned around but saw no one. Get a fuckin grip. I thought. Within that next hour her fever began to break. I was so tired, so beyond anything I knew to be life, but I thought it was selfish to speak of myself when Anna was taking the full impact of this. I simply laid down on the floor beside the bed and fell asleep. Anna woke me up the next morning.

"Daren." She whispered. "Wake up." I opened my eyes slowly, still half asleep. She held her hand out to me. "I brought you some breakfast." She said with a warm smile. I held her hand tightly.

"It's good to have you back again." I said. We had breakfast together and talked about things. It was mostly just small talk but then our conversation began to take on more depth.

"It's been difficult for me to pick up the pieces. I don't think I'm very good at taking care of myself, it's like when I'm left alone the only thing I know to do is take the damage out on me. I get extreme; I'll do drugs, I'll run away, I'll let strangers use my body, I'll try to kill myself and it's all just to feel something." She sobbed.

"Can you teach me how to live?" She said, looking at me with tear filled eyes.

"Honestly, Anna, I'm not so great at living, myself; but I will teach you all that I know." I said. I planned the rest of our day out with movies and popcorn, then we shared ice cream and cuddled together for a few hours.

It was so gentle and serene as she slept in my arms. This was my recovery, she was my wellness.

Anna woke me up later that evening, just as the sun was setting. I didn't even recall falling asleep, but I guess I shouldn't have been so surprised.

"Daren, come outside with me!" She said with a smile. I got up and walked with her beneath the orange sky. We walked for a while until we reached the edge of the city. We walked along a large footbridge, high off the ground and overlooking the city and the water.