In Another Life (second part)

Part 1

Akaashi POV:

After waking up from that incredible dream, the reality hit me in the face and the emptiness, which was filled for a moment, felt bigger now.

I was hurt so much. I couldn't stand up, my mind wouldn't work right. Why is the world so unfair? My hands wouldn't stop trembling and my heart physically hurtled from the sadness I felt, my chest felt heavy from too much crying. I even thought I was pathetic. What did I expect?

A couple of days have passed after the worst and now even a tear couldn't fall on my cheek, I didn't feel anything. There was nothing left there. Why was I so hopeless? Why was I so weak?

My parents kept on checking on me. They couldn't understand what was going on, they didn't know how to help me but I knew something they didn't. There was nothing that could help me. Maybe they were thinking about taking me to therapist because I didn't want to talk to them.

In the same time when I looked myself in the mirror I saw how big my eye bags have turned. I was trying to sleep for Bokuto, I really was. I just couldn't.

Sometimes I swear I felt his presence, like he was looking at me, protecting me. At least I liked to think that but maybe it was just my mind playing tricks. He was waiting for me so we can reborn together.

Maybe. Just maybe I have to end it all here. Does he want that? Would we find each other in our next lives? I really wanted to believe in this. But I felt that Bokuto would be very disappointed in me. He wouldn't want that, he wouldn't want me to sacrifice my whole life just so I can live with him. But I really wanted to. I didn't see any point of living now. Was there one?

But if Bokuto doesn't want me to to do the unthinkable, I guess I just have to wait and stay strong until then. For him. I will live for his sake.

These were my thoughts non stop. I didn't do anything, just overthinking for days without the ability to fall asleep. I didn't want to move from my bed, I didn't want to let go off Bokuto's scarf and navy blue blanket. They smell like him if I let them go now, I was admitting defeat. Not that my inner self knew, I lost long time ago.

My room was filled with invisible pressure, mostly surrounding me. My parents gave up after a few days, because they knew I would come out when I think I can and feel like it. That's when they will attack me with questions, which I will ignore for sure. But I didn't feel like I would want to leave the room soon. Standing there was just enough effort.

It was cold without anyone near me. Only the thoughts of Bokuto could calm me, even if it hurt.

My nightmares turned into an ordinary thing, maybe they were keeping me from falling asleep because everytime it was getting worse. I wished for Bokuto to come and calm me, I wished that he would brush of my sweat and pull me so tight to his body, that neither of us would be able to move or want to do so, but he never did. Maybe he wanted to.

I had a couple texts from Kuroo. He was asking me if I will go to the funeral, even tho I denied the first time. He was making sure, I didn't blame him. I just ignored him because I felt like I don't want any contact with the world in the moment.

Two weeks I felt that miserable but then it hit me. Even if I wanted to, I could not just stay in this room my entire life. Bokuto suffered but I am the one being baby about it. I didn't even think what was he like in his last moments. I was so self centered. I just wanted to believe that he actually fell asleep for one last time and didn't feel any pain. It was just the angels borrowing him till we meet again.

So then I started to live again, so I can make him happy, while he looks at me from up there.

I began to be healthier with my menu and drank more water. My hygiene got better.

As I expected my parents asked me a million of questions but I just ignored them. I didn't want to talk about it. They will never know, they didn't deserve to know.

And I myself couldn't explain what happened or what kind of person was Bokuto. He was just perfect, so cheerful, swallowing all the pain he went through with a smile, playing the fool so he wouldn't worry his closest people.

When he looked at me with his golden eyes, just like a child, who was looking at a present he didn't like but had a good attitude, so just stayed calm, was making me realize what was going on with him in that moment. If only I could help him.

I started going for walks, cheering myself up, I guess. Remembering everything I went through, like searching for the fastest way to go from the hospital to the store and back, just so I can buy more strawberry flavored pocky. It was his favorite snack.

Once, in the nearest store they ran out of them. Maybe I could have just buy other flavor but that wasn't Bokuto's wish. I didn't want to disappoint him. I searched for the closest store and almost lost myself but it was worth it. I found his favorite snack after all.

When I gave them to him, he was too weak to say something but he lightly smiled. That smile was the thing that made me rushing through the town. Only to see it, because I didn't know when will be the last time I do.

So my life began again. Of course I could never forget my past, but I just had to live with it. So maybe till the day comes, I can make something out myself so I can make Bokuto proud.

Neutral POV:

Little did he know Bokuto was already so proud of him...