Helluva Grimm

Chapter One:The New Client

It was a day like any other, at the base of the Immediate Murder Professionals. Another demon after Mrs. Mayberry and Loopty Goopty had come to ask for help in killing someone. A demon...somewhat bizarre:he almost seemed to come from the Middle Ages, the way he was tanned. With a thick black beard, a golden pointed hat and a red tunic with black stars. Some kind of...sorcerer,someone could say. Weird. But obviously business was business. And so Blitzo decided to talk to him anyway, to see what they could get.
"Good. Speak up, Merlin. What is this all about? Let's hear!" said the boss of the company, sitting comfortably in his chair, with his legs crossed under the table, all smiling. Both because they seemed to have found a new client...and because...he was funny even without speaking.
"Merlin? That damned traitor! Don't call me like him! I am Devolgar! The sorcerer of the north! The great earthquake rising from the north, which terrifies all hemispheres of the world explored and known! I am not a pathetic wizard without ambitions!" the guy said, all furious, with a certain voice, who scrutinized the little imp with his purple eyes. Perfect:another madman, one might think.
"Yeah yeah yeah yeah. Revolver or whatever your name is. Get to the point:why did you want to bother me? You know, I was just about to quit, go home and enjoy a good blowjob. So try to spit it all out, before I get too pissed off."
He growled furiously as, just outside the window...lightning flashes appeared on the horizon, for a series of seconds...before disappearing, as the weirdo sighed, seemingly calming down, before returning to speak, sitting in front of Blitzo.
"The night of the coronation of Prince Rowan. That was the beginning of my end. I had just managed to find the secret formula for the equation of life itself! And what did my still good ears hear? That Prince Rowan...would banish me from his empire, after years and years of useful services requested by his predecessor, his father Owen! Why? Because he thought me as a too dangerous individual! And you know what? He was right! I was dangerous! The best, to strike terror, with my BDSM torture practices! But it was just that, which made me useful to their cause! Exactly this! And- "
Needless to say, by getting lost so much in his own speeches Blitzo fell asleep with boredom, snoring very loudly...before being awakened, who knows how long later by the madman, who screamed like crazy.
"And they couldn't play a worse trick on me! Drop me into a ravine, making me hit myself with my own powers, just because I had taken the prince's son as an hostage! What a disgrace!"
"Uh? Eh? Ooh...eeehm...I honestly think I don't get the point. Can you explain it all again, without monologue and melodrama, possibly summarizing and without bullshits about kings,queens and King Arthur boring references?" asked the little chameleon-like demon, more bored than ever by that guy's monologue, but still smiling because all that bullshits had at least made him smile.
"RRRRRRR! Okay...no wonder, after all:a mortal like you cannot understand the suffering to which a high-ranking sorcerer such as the terror of the North has been subjected to-"
"So? I don't have all night!"
"Good..."
The guy revealed his hand as black as pitch, opening it in front of Blitzo's eyes, while...projections of two little creatures, a sort of red and pink gecko(with glasses,a yellow hat and a shoulder bag) and a sort of small blue jackal(with a funny red jester's hat) appeared on it.
"Do you see them? These two? These two nosy people came from who knows where, helping the prince, along with that damned Merlin to get rid of me, over a thousand years ago! And finally, after all this time...I can say that I am pretty sure they are currently in the living world. I don't know, with what spell they have disappeared for a thousand years...but now I feel them. And I absolutely have to get my revenge on them,for what they did to me. Even if I can't get out of here, because of the strict rules of the underworld! Only spells like Stolas ones can do that! And I clearly feel...that you have something of your own, which might allow you to get out of here."
"So you want us to kill them for you? Get to the point! Besides, if you are such a powerful wizard and you know I have the book...then why didn't you try to stole it and do the job yourself?"
"Why?! Because my own energy can't come in contact with that of the owl prince! He...created a spell exactly to keep me away from every source of energy of his. And even if I could...they would surely predict my return! Only highly intelligent beings can defeat a mind like mine! And they certainly won't expect danger from the present. With more certainty...not from low-ranking hit men."
"You haven't paid me yet...and you're already making me quietly unhappy. Give me the money and maybe I'll see to consider your offer, dear Revolver."
"Devolgar! My name...IS DEVOLGAAAAR! UNDERSTAND?! DAAAMMIIIIIIIIIIT!..." said the guy who, apparently really looked like a sort of sorcerer, after all...as he pulled out a huge black briefcase, seemingly out of nowhere. And then...he opened it,revealing an incredible treasure,hidden inside of it...
"Rubies, sapphires, diamonds, emeralds and amethysts. They are all in here. Today's equivalent of the so-called United States values would estimate the amount of wealth I offer you around 800,000 dollars. So tell me:will you accept the job?"
Blitzo's eyes became star-shaped,as he saw that. But,while they were talking in the office...in the main hall an unpleasant discussion was taking place...
"Where did my penicillin go?!" asked none other than Loona, her eyes widened and filled with small veins, from the anger she felt, glaring at Moxxie and Millie, who looked at her in turn with some disdain.
"We don't know where your stuff is. So stop yelling at us like that!" Millie said.
"It was literally here on the table:it can't have disappeared like that! And you were the only ones who were here with me, before I lost it!"
Moxxie tried to speak. But Millie anticipated him, starting to speak in bursts.
"And anyway:what would you ever need penicillin for? It doesn't seem to me that someone like you has problems of whatever kind! On the contrary:even if it had been us I think we would have done you a favor, honestly, so that you would stop taking that crap."
"I have syphilis, you idiot:I need that penicillin for the treatment I'm doing to cure it!" said the hellhound, who began to get greatly irritated, to the point of growling at every sentence.
"And do you think we could ever touch your things?! You're such a stupid one, Loona!"
"If not you then who,uh?! I certainly don't hide my stuff! Let's hear, bitch!" she said, while the two girls both glared at each other.
"THATS ENOUGH!" said Moxxie, sternly out loud, one eye of his closing on its own for the stress. At that point the two paused for a moment, glaring at him.
"What the fuck do you want?! I'm mad with you too, you know that?!"
"Hey, don't talk to my husband like that-"
"Loona." the little demon said.
"What? Get to the point, before I decide to rip your head off!"
"If you would have listened to me for a second...you would have noticed that bottle on the ground..."
"Hhhm?" Loona wondered, while looking at the ground...seeing her penicillin bottle...broken from impact with the ground, which infuriated her even more, making her even scream in rage.
"I was missing a dose...a DOSE! DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA, OF HOW MUCH IT COST DOWN HERE?!"
"It's not our fault:it was behind you all the time. But by keep yelling at us you made it fall to the ground with your tail."
The canid started punching the workbench at random, starting to seriously damage it after only a dozen punches...until Moxxie stopped her again with words, attracting her attention again.
"How much?"
"Too much for me, currently...100, for the package I bought. 20 for one bottle...fuck, FUCK! If Blitzo finds out I stole 100 dollars from him..." she said,while putting her hands in her hair, widening her eyes and grinding her teeth, in complete desperation...
"Now what excuse do I make up, to steal more money from him?"
"Why did you take it to work anyway? And doesn't Blitz care about you very much? Why do you need to do things secretly?" Millie asked, now only confused, more than angry with her, for what she said earlier.
"Because I was hoping to find a moment to use it before thinking about my business! More so...why the fuck do you care,on why I don't tell him?! "
But before they could continue...a delighted Blitzo opened the door, with the bearded guy at his side.
"Guys: I'm proud to introduce you to today's new customer! His name is...Revolver!"
"Rrrrrrrr....DEVOLGAAAAR! MY NAME IS DEVOLGAAAAAR!" the guy said, furious, while his purple eyes shone, for a few seconds with a light of the same color, so intense to the point to blind as a sun ...
"Ok, ok...Devol...whatever the fuck is your name, yes!"
The light faded, as the little boss tried to get to the point, as even the sorcerer seemed to have modestly enough of this name thing. It was better to try to get the dialogue flowing. Or he would never even get his own revenge in the first place. Eh:what a bad-tempered guy, huh?...
"Anyway... this gentleman has just paid us to kill two very simple targets! Come on, let's kill...and get paid..."
He opened the suitcase, revealing the gems, which shone in front of them almost blinded them.
"...with the beauty of 800.000 DOLLARS OF PRECIOUS GEMS! UH,UH ?!"
Moxxie, Millie and Loona were simply impressed at the news: they could...they could easily renovate their building. And get some whims and necessities out of their heads...like a certain penicillin thing...
"IT WILL BE A BIG REVENUE, FOR ALL OF US!"
"But I warn you,low-class demons:you only have a time of a week,to kill them,as an assurance you will receive only a minimal part,of this treasure. A small incentive,composed of the equivalent of a 1.000 dollars. You'll receive the rest when you'll complete the mission. But,if you'll ever happen to fail your task...even that minimal part will disappear, in front of your very same eyes. And you will have nothing. Also...it might happen something that will make this old sorcerer laugh! And now goodbye, you foolish mortals:I expect you to complete your work optimally. A modest wealth awaits you, in case of success. " he said, who, shortly after saying those things...disappeared into thin air, along with the briefcase with almost all the jewels inside, leaving only a small leather bag and leaving the four imps simply amazed,by his disappearance...before their boss cleared his throat and forced himself to say something.
"... well well! So,ee-eehm!...we're all clear, I hope. Almost a million dollars awaits us, if we fuck up our two goals! So this asshole will not subject us to any voodoo or Stolas-like bullshit!"
"Don't let me think about it..." said Loona, annoyed at the memory of an unpleasant event, concerning Stolas himself, of which she was a witness...of which it is definitely better not to mention, in these lines...
"Well, I hope everything is clear to you! We leave in a few minutes, ok? I want you all ready, by then. Because we'll have the biggest, most curious and easily earned pay of our entire career!" said Blitzo, who returned to his office.
"Hhhmm..."
The hound didn't seem very happy, with the idea of ​​money. This was clearly due to the fact that she knew that Blitzo would still notice the missing 100 dollars. Eh:he was really too much precise, at times. And by seeing her like this Moxxie couldn't help but worry:even though she was never really so nice, to him and his wife at work she was still a colleague of theirs. And it wasn't just important that they try to work together. But also that they tried to find an agreement. So, although it could definitely be risky...the little demon still decided to make his move...
"Are you still worried?" asked Moxxie to the hellhound, looking seriously into her eyes.
"What? Ah...listen here,you little bitch:forget it, ok?" she said, returning her gaze threateningly.
"Are you still worried that the boss might find out you stole those 100 dollars from him, when you could have just asked for them?"
"I shouldn't have spoken it out loud:now you will surely bust my balls for all day long. Spare me your pity and find a dick to suck:at least your mouth would be useful, in that case."
"Listen:I know, that maybe it doesn't concern me. And that maybe only you can understand what to do with him...but I would still like to give you a hand: to see you or to know that you actually feel bad, for this...well that's...really is terrible."
"Oh yeah? Really? I'm touched,ah...and what do you hope to do, to give me a- "
Suddenly...Moxxie pulled out two bills:one of 100 dollars and another of 20.
"Here:you will need them both, to cover up the theft and to buy yourself the bottle of penicillin you are now missing. I hope it will be of help."
Puzzled and stern...she violently took the two bills out of his hand, looking at them, to make sure they weren't somehow fake. And then she looked back at her colleague.
"What is this story? Why you're helping me? What's the catch?"
"No catch,Loona."
"No catch? You don't go around giving people money for charity! What do you mean? Tell me what the fuck you want for this moneys..."
"Well...actually I didn't think I really wanted anything..." he replied, scratching his head.
"But you know...120 dollars are not easy to earn. And lately Millie and I have a lot of problems, at home,even in two:actually, now that I think about it a third person would be far more than needed..."
"Are you perhaps bribing me, so that you can take me with you to some extent? Are those your intentions?"
"What? No! That's not what I meant! Just...that you could come and help us, at least once, for those 120 dollars, if you want." said Moxxie, who began gesturing rather worried that she might misunderstand.
"Hhhm...actually...I saw your house and what you do, through Blitzo's annoying attitude of spying you the entire time..." she said, who began the think about it, grimacing and looking up.
"Oh...crumbs..."
"...and the food and cooking doesn't seem bad. And besides...I've always thought,to go in, just to nibble something. But now I have to say that I have a good reason...since I'm definitely in debt: when would you like me to come to your place?... "
"Well...whenever you want...but possibly only when we are at home. Is it okay, for you?"
She didn't answer right away, stuck as she was in that position. Then...she shrugged and replaced her grimace with a slight, enigmatic smile.
"All right. I'll follow you home as soon as you get back from this mission. Be assured:I know Blitzo well. And he won't be able to spy you, with me. See you later, then." she said, who turned and walked away, seeing her "father" coming out of the office, giving her the book, with a rather tired appearance, on his face:it was evident that he had had yet another...intriguing...conversation with Stolas...
"Sweetie:are you sure it's a good idea to let her to our house?" asked Millie to her husband, looking slightly puzzled.
"Don't worry, honey:I'm sure Loona will do what she has to do, if she really wants to come with us. I don't even think she's as unpleasant as we think she is. I would like to think...she'll do even better than expected." he said, who then saw their tall, hairy colleague open a portal to a night city:it looked something like Frankfurt. It was definitely killing time!

I guess you're wondering why I'm writing something other than my main fanfiction. Well...I'm doing a bit like Vivienne:this one I'm doing, my boys is a Helluva Boss fanfiction parallel, to my Hazbin Hotel one,focused on my OC,The Ultimate Warrior. It's not that I have to focus on just one thing, of my fanmade universe based on the works of Vivizie, don't you think? Plus I just wanted to do something that focused on two things I haven't seen many fan fiction writers do, around the net. And if you're wondering why this chapter is so short...it's the same story of the other fanfiction:this is practically a premise, which sets the stage for the following chapters.