Bubbles. Are there balls of water with a wisp of light floating around me? Darkness? I winked for a couple of times, trying to figure what’s happening. Is this real? What time is it? I tried to feel my body. Nothing. Try to remember, come on. What is it that I have forgotten? Coldness.
“So how does it feel like?” I turned to my best buddy, no, scratch that, she’s nothing but a traitor.
“What do you think?” I smiled at her like nothing is wrong. Two can play this game.
“What? You didn’t enjoy it?” Is she serious?
“How can I?” My smile suddenly faded into a frown. She must’ve noticed the abrupt change in my facial features for I saw a glint of lust in her eyes but was quickly filled with worry.
“I thought you wanted to. I thought— you.” She moved her hands as she tried to touch me. But I already learned my lesson. She’s not to be trusted. Even with those brown eyes and attractive blonde hair that looks soft whenever she laughs at my useless jokes. I should’ve known. I should’ve realized that she’s no good for me. I was really a fool.
“I thought so too.” Yes, once I dreamed of it and maybe I still do. But, not like this. Not anymore.
Leaves. I looked at my hands, holding a piece of paper. Is this a canvas? Blank? A cold breeze of wind enveloped me. I tried to hug myself with my thin long arms. Ink? I stared at my hands in horror, the black liquid started to creep unto my arms. Suffocating.
“Don’t you want me anymore?” Memories started flashing to mind. She came in when I asked her, helped me when my world is crumbling down. All those sleepless nights, with only coffee and paintbrush in hand, she made it all sufferable.
“You’re ruining my life. You need to let me go. I need you to leave.” She wasn’t expecting to hear that, it was shown in her face as soon as she heard me.
“You don’t mean that. We’ve been together since forever!” I know. She’s been with me since I remember. But I don’t intend to live my life with her.
“Let me go. Set me free.” Her faced changed into a scary one, just like when someone hurts me or when she just feels like hating anything.
“No. Don’t you get it? You’ll be nothing without me. You actually think that you’ll reach your dreams like that?” She’s doing it again, insisting that no one will accept me but her. She’s been planting blue seeds into me since she came.
“I’m ready to lose you.” I stood up, placing the shiny material with its edge on the floor. As soon as the red liquid touched the cold tiles, she disappeared.
Flowers. My eyes landed on them. A smile unconsciously crept into my lips. Lily of the Valley. I used to give Jennie those. I can suddenly feel again. Is this it? Will it happen? After so long, right, the meaning behind this. Return of happiness.
“Are you okay?” I stared at the person who entered my room. She was struggling to approach me, canvasses and paint all over the room hindering her.
“Yes Jennie. I’m actually feeling better.” My heart feels warm. My small frame feels light.
“How’s your project going?” She finally reached me and decided to sit beside me, taking a peek at the big canvas in front of me. I almost let out a small laugh when I saw her reaction. “Are you serious? Jisoo, this is insane. Like— just wow, I’m out of words.”
“I know. I’ve never created something so,” I paused and looked at her, “So me. I didn’t even think that I will be able to create such a piece from myself.” I felt her hands holding mine.
“I never doubted you Jisoo. Hope never left me even once. I just knew, you’ll be a great painter. The world will know you and they’ll praise you for who you are.” I felt like crying upon hearing those from Jennie. But for once, it’s not because I’m being haunted by my other self, but because she’s not here anymore. I’m free. No more monsters in my head.
Light. Everything feels so light, my body, my mind, and my heart. So this is how it feels without her. No more nightmares. I blinked and blinked. Still, no blonde girl with the same face as mine, looking at me with her disgusting grin. Yes, she helped me create many things, but with so much chaos and pain. I forgot but now. I remember.
“I’m ready to try again.” Jennie was shocked. Of course, I’ve been locking myself for so long and been rejecting every offer I get.
“You’re going to open our studio?” I nodded at her. It’s time that I go back to what I love.
“I want to inspire others again. Create paintings that will give hope to others, art that can lift someone when they’re feeling rock bottom. I can’t just let go of this opportunity to help others with my creation. I want to make them feel that they’re not alone. I want to portray that there’s light after the darkness. That there’s something great within our own self.” I’ve been in the dark for so long. I gave up, believed that I can’t survive. But that’s in the past, it almost feel like I was only dreaming, almost like a fantasy.
“I missed that side of you Jisoo.” A tear fell from Jennie's eyes. I leaned to her cheeks and kissed her tear away.
“The other me is gone, and she’s not coming back.” No more monsters.
It’s only the two of us now, just me and Jennie. No more browned-eye woman with the same face as mine, staring through my soul. I finally left her. My heart feels good. So this is how it feels. Freedom.
-Fin-
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Free (Jensoo) | A Short Literally Piece
Fanfiction(A depressed Jisoo and a hopeful Jennie)
