A Little Too Much | CM

2.05

"Daddy!" Henry's squeal was what alerted Lia to her brother's presence in the house.

Lia heard Will talking to Henry and Jack for a few minutes before he told them to go and play upstairs until dinner was ready.

"Shel..." Will said, his southern drawl exaggerated by how slowly he said her name.

"Billy." She quipped back.

"Don't, please." He pleaded. "I know what I said was stupid and immature but I just want to protect you."

"I know that, but I'm allowed to have a life outside of family and work." Lia said, mentally debating whether to forgive him or not.

"And I need to accept that." Will said, taking a few slow steps towards her and making sure to keep his voice calm so not to make the same mistakes he usually does. "It's just, after mom died and dad started working more I felt like I needed to take care of you and then... well Justin happened and I failed to do the one thing I promised mom."

"You promised mom?" Lia asked, having never heard anything about a promise before.

"She wanted me to take care of you, she knew dad would throw himself into work and wanted me to make sure you stayed on the tracks." Will explained. "So, tell me about this boyfriend of yours. Is he good to you?" Will asked, changing the subject as he noticed the tears forming in her eyes.

"He's amazing." Lia said, not bothering to complain as her brother picked her up by the waist and sat her on the counter so he could finish chopping the vegetables. "You know him actually."

"I - what?" He asked, pausing in his movement and looking up to his little sister. "Is it Hotch? You guys seem close when he picks Jack up."

"No, it's Derek."

Will's brow furrowed in confusion before realisation washed over his features. "Morgan?" He asked, practically having to physically bite his tongue.

"I know, I know, you warned me not to." She said, being able to read him like a book.

"But it's your life, not mine." Will recited her earlier words. "Plus if he's treating you right, there's not much I can say to deter you."

"Thank you." She said gratefully.

"I'm still giving him the big brother talk." Will said, threateningly pointing a carrot at his sister.

"What are you going to do?" Lia said, laughing at his action. "He's a federal agent, he would kick your ass. Hell I kicked his ass." 

"If this is isn't PG 13 I don't want to know." Will said, grimacing at the thought.

"No! It's nothing like that." Lia said, still laughing. "He bet he could beat me at a 5k."

"Oh." Will said knowingly. "I understand his pain."

"He was still better than you."

"Watch it."

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Usually the best night's sleep Lia had was when she was wrapped in Derek's arms, being able to feel his heart beat. In their five month long relationship, they had slept in the same bed countless times yet Derek had only seen her have two nightmares despite the fact that before him there was at least one a week, usually two or three.

But tonight when she finally managed to drift off to sleep, all she could see was the pavement 36 storeys below her, the occasional car driving past or drunken resident stumbling along. The picture was so vivid because it really happened, Lia could still smell the salt from the ocean and hear the traffic from the freeway. Except something was different, this time she slipped.

But before she hit the pavement, her eyes flew open and she was back in her bed, wrapped in Derek's arms praying she hadn't woken him up as she slipped out of his grasp and snuck out of the bedroom.

The windows in her apartment slid upwards, and one of the ones in her living room lead out to the fire escape so she was easily able to fit through.

She contemplated climbing higher but her feet turned to concrete as she saw the pavement below her.

----------

Derek awoke to a cold and empty bed at three in the morning, causing him to question whether or not Lia had really been there or if it was just a dream but once he opened his eyes slightly further and saw the potted plant in the corner he realised he was in Lia's room, without Lia.

As soon as he got out from under the covers, he noticed the cold breeze that was running through the apartment and instinctively panicked once he found the source was the open fire escape window. There was no way she had been kidnapped from right next to him. Was there? 

As he got closer he noticed the shivering figure sat on the steps, leaning against the railing and retreated to get one of the many blankets she kept to the left of her sofa.

"How long have you been out here for?" He asked, having managed to make it out of the window and sat next to her without Lia realising.

"Um.. I don't know." Lia said, being momentarily pulled back to reality when he wrapped the grey blanket around her shoulders and pulled her closer. "I had a nightmare." She stated after a few minutes of silence.

"You should've woken me." Derek said, immediately feeling bad.

"Have you ever stood on a ledge and felt the way the wind rushes through your hair?" She asked, her eyes not leaving the horizon even though she could feel Derek's concerned gaze on the side of her face. "When it's so cold because it's the middle of the night and you're not wearing a coat but you're too numb to be cold?" She continued.

"You know you can tell me anything right?" Derek asked, his concern rising the more she spoke. When they had first gotten together, he had his suspicions that her mental health wasn't the best and it was confirmed by her blip at Christmas but he never thought it was this bad.

"I have. It was almost two years ago and I still think about that feeling, the numb, painless ledge and the thoughts about how it'd be better, less painful if I just jumped and that no one would even care if I wasn't here." She carried on as if he had never spoke, too deep in her own thoughts to notice.

"Li..."

"I was gonna do it you know, I really was. But that was when the police car pulled up thirty-six stories below me. They send paramedics and fire to jumpers but there wasn't any available in the area so they sent cops. One of them recognised me, he worked in the same precinct as Billy all those years ago and he talked me down, reminded me that I still had Billy and JJ and Henry. He even said if I got down he would call them. That wouldn't mean anything to most people but Justin had destroyed my phone a few days earlier and all I wanted was to talk to Billy, so I got down." The tears were rolling down her cheeks by this point, her mind consumed by the darkness. 

"Hey, look at me." Derek said, lifting a hand to her chin and using his index finger to move her head so she was looking directly at him. "Think about everything that's happened in D.C, you've got to spend so much time with Will and Henry, you and JJ are practically sisters, Jack adores you, the whole team does."

"I've got you." Lia whispered so quietly it was almost whisked away by the silence of the night.

"Mhm, and I'm not going anywhere."