Apologies Julie And The Phantoms Fanfiction

Falling

It was the day after they showed up in Julie's garage.
Reggie was looking through the different CDs that were on the rack by the player when one caught his eye.
This is my note. I'm sorry.
-Armina
He looked at the disc in confusion. It was written in her messy, swirly, slanted hand writing.
"Hey guys." He said facing the boys. He held up the disc.
Luke looked up from his guitar.
"what is that?"
"Armina. Its hers I think." Reggie is on the verge of tears.
Luke stood up really fast. "Mina?" He said. She was like his little sister. She used to call him mom cause he was so protective of her.
Alex walks over and looks at the disc. Inspecting his best friends handwriting.
"This is my note? What does that mean?" Reggie says.
Luke gulps. He grabs the disc from alex and slowly puts it in the player.
I guess all the mountains that I moved just weren't enough
And all the nights I walked you home from crowded bars when you were drunk
Well they meant nothing cause you up and walked away
And I just wonder what it'd take to make you stay.
Cause when you said jump I said how high, and when I jumped you said goodbye
I would've walked through hell to find another way,
I would've laid me down if I knew that you would stay
I would've crossed the stars to keep you in my life
But now I'm falling hard with out you here tonight
Reggie started crying at the sound of his baby sisters voice.
Then he started sobbing at her words.
They all listen, all three of them crying.
What did you do with all that love you couldn't give?
And do you need someone to help you
Tell you what to do with it
It must be nice to love someone who puts you first
Then walk away when they expect it in return
"What happened?" Luke asked. Reggies holding onto Alex to keep from falling.
Theres a moment before the bridge when it's just the guitar, and in that moment you can hear her sniffle, and when she sings again you can hear her crying, feel the pain in her voice.
You dont want me
Nothing I can do cause you dont wanna try
The chorus plays again and she's singing with all she's got, then you hear her fall to the floor and sob.
Through her sobs she manages to get two words out.
"I'm sorry."

Arminas POV

Im falling. I dont know to where but I am.
I dont scream or thrash or cry. I just fall.
I hit the ground, and pain shoots through me but I dont make a sound.
My eyes are closed. I dont open them.
"Guess they finally found a good spot for me in hell." I say.
I hear someone crying. I open my eyes and sit up.
I look to see my brother, my dead brother in front of me.
With one look in his eyes I break.
I start crying, my breathing becoming erratic. I back up until I hit a wall.
"You cant be here. You're dead! I'm dead!" I scream.
"Armina?" He says softly.
"No," I sob shaking my head, "no, I finally got of them, i finally got rid of these dreams. I cant go through this again! I just I-I cant- I cant."
I hiccup uncontrollably, it makes it harder to get air through my lungs and soon I can barely breath at all.
I slide down the wall, pulling my sweater up to hide my face. My lungs burn.
I feel someone's hands on my shoulders.
"Shh, shh Mina. It's okay. I'm gonna need you to look at me," I shake my head, "please Mina? For me?"
That gets me. I look up to see Luke.
"There you go." He says, hes been crying too. A comforting smile forms on his face.
I breath in and out, giving myself a little time to calm down.
When I'm finally calm, and am breathing okay luke picks me up like a baby. I wrap around him like a Koala, I dont do it purposely, it's just muscle memory. He used to do this all the time when I would cry.
"Thanks mom." I whisper in his ear and he let's out a small laugh.
"Hey nana." (That's not like grandma. Its nau-nau if that makes sense. That how I'm pronouncing it anyways.) hear alex say when luke puts me down.
"Hey lex." I say back.
Reggies behind him.
"Armina?" Reggie says.
"Reg?" Reggies the only one who calls me by my full name. Luke has called me mona forever and alex started calling me Nana when I started calling him Lex.
"What are you doing here?" He asks softly.
"Well first I have to know where here is." I joke. He smiles a bit. God I missed that smile.
"This is our old studio except now its-"
"Who is this?" I hear a girls voice ask.
"This is reggies sister Armina."
"My full name sounds weird when you say it." I say. He just rolls his eyes and pulls me into another hug. Making up for the last however long it's been.
"Hi. I'm julie it's nice to meet you." The girl says. She's pretty. Her and luke would look good together.
"Likewise." I say bowing my head slightly.
"Umm... guys do you think that maybe we could talk alone for a bit?" Reggie says. Everyone nods and goes outside.
Suddenly I'm being tackled in another hug.
"How am I not dead?" I whispered.
"How are you dead?"
I look down at my shoes.
"I-I..." I dont say anything else.
I'm ashamed to tell him.
"How did yo-"
"You dont wanna know." I say quietly.
"Why not?"
"Because you'll hate me."
"I could never hate you."
"How do you know? You've never tried and I've never given you reason to."
"I promise I wont hate yo-" he stops midsentence, "wait, the note, you're dead and you wont tell me why. You didnt- did you?"
I look dow, a tear slipping from my eye.
"How did you do it?" He says quietly. I can hear the anger in his voice, but also the worry.
That worry is the reason I pull up my sleeve, revealing a jagged scar on my wrist.
He takes a breath in when he sees it.
"Why?" He asks, crying again. We sit down on the couch and I tell him.
"You dying was hard enough, but after- after mom wouldn't say anything, wouldn't eat or sleep, she would just look out the window, waiting for you to go up the walkway when you weren't ever going to. The only time she snapped out of her trance was to fight with dad. Dad would go to the bar at night, get punch drunk and then I would go looking for him. I would find him in the bar asleep at the counter. I would drive him home and take care of him. He was a blubbering mess. 'I wasnt there for him' 'I let down my poor boy. He was inconsolable, but he didnt fix himself for me. After all the fights with mom, and the horrible hangovers he left. Leaving me with her. I would cry, beg her to answer me but she just sat there.
Then after two years of this my boyfriend at the time cheated on me and I had no one. I figured death would be more peaceful."
"And was it?"
"For a little while. Then it became tedious. Th only good part about it was that I didnt have the dreams any longer."
"The dreams?"
"Dad said that they are called grief dreams. After you died I got them constantly. I would wake up screaming for you to come back but you never did. When dad wasnt drunk, which was mostly on weekdays cause he had work, he would soothe me. Tell me that everything was alright. Then after he left when I would get them I would listen to your demo to get me to sleep."
"I was still singing you to sleep even after I died." He smiled weakly.
I laughed sniffling.
"Yeah. You were."
He pulls me onto his chest and just holds me.
We stay like that for what feels like forever.