i feeel so ugly and shitty everytime i look at myself i look like this dumbass ogre. i wish i took care of myself better but my dumbass doesnt know whats good for me. my eyes are so ruined im surprised i havent gone blind yet
i never know what to do or what i should do because my tiny brain cant process it
i hate how i look and i hate how my body is shaped i hate how i never look good i hate how the only time i look my best is when i come back from home at all fucking midnight and i look actually decent because i constantly have disgusting bed hair and it only looks good at like when im getting ready to come back home or when nobody sees it. i dont even want people to see it or acknowledge my existence irl because i hate attention so much when it comes to real life i feel like my phone and everything online or anything ive done on the internet has swallowed my whole ass soul and im literally so young yet i want to kill myself this isnt ok i feel like im over in the corner crying over literally nothing while other people actually have to deal with bad problems and shit i feel like im so invalid or anything wrong i do is going to make me lose everything and everyone so i just hide behind a screen because then everyone will recognize me for who i am here
sometimes i feel like i should be honest about everything instead of pussying out and hating even just thinking about what i look like or what i act like or what i do or anything
i always pretend like i like other things or that im someone else to everyone or that i understand the things my friends do but in reality i dont and i can never tell anyone about myself because i'll fear of getting into fights that causes the loss of my triend or they'll block me or i'll say/do something wrong and theyll start hating me
i feel like nobody actually really cares about me, no matter what people or my friends say i just keep believing that i have to agree with everything they say because im so desperate and scared i just wanna be with people i hate it when im not talking to someone because then i feel insecure and unsafe everytime i talk to someone about stuff or make friends i feel like someones gonna know when im gone and then i'll know if someone really cares or not
everytime i dont talk to someone or im alone i just feel like anything could attack me at any moment or something is going to destroy everything i have and nobody would really be concerned
im gonna stfu now because i no longer know how to explain my feelings. everything i just said probably needed a different word to or smth just like im not good with words and when people say smth else they feel that i also feel but couldn't explain how i just get so pissed at myself and go "why didnt my dumb idiot stupid small brain know to say that"
