my birthday was a couple of days ago. i'm 22 now (yay.) recently, i've been thinking about how lonely i get when i'm not able to be around anybody.
i'm not a very social person, per say. locking myself in the house has resulted in me gaining a little bit of weight and being insecure about myself.
occasionally i'll go out and shop, but most of it is bullshit i wear daily, but some can be used for sexy time whenever i get smaller (again.)
speaking of sex, i've caught myself roaming off with obscene visions lately. i don't actively have sex. my unfortunate partner (piece of shit) has gaslit, abused, and mentally destroyed my well-being to the point to where i physically cannot bring myself to touch him. he's repulsive.
but other men, i can only dream. and recently... i've been dreaming often.
i've found this man whilst surfing through facebook, and he's so fucking hot. i've seen him a couple of times before, but i found myself talking to him on his live and he had such good interaction with me. it was so tempting for me to not completely come out and tell this man that i wanted him inside me. maybe it's the daddy issues? my dad is in my life now, but it's the temptations of being called "babe" by an older man that just throws me for a spin. i don't know what it is.
he's older, not sure by how much, but he's absolutely yummy. he has the straightest teeth i've ever seen. a short to medium beard (fuck me upppp,) and the sexiest voice that matches perfectly to his face. he's simply beautiful. i'm not sure if it's the infatuation from not having sex for so long, or if it's just him simply being a all around attractive man. whatever it is, i want to fuck him.
i want to remember what it feels like to have a stocky warm body on top of mine. preferably in the dark because of my insecurities. i want the shallow breaths lingering in my ear while i grab my legs and pull higher for him to reach deeper. especially the beard. i can just imagine his face smothered in between my thighs while i feel a slight prick of his facial hair as he shifts his tongue from one side to the other. i want him inside of me NOW.
he called me his girlfriend on live the other day. he was a little tipsy, but he muttered "babe," whilst smirking menacingly into the camera. i had never had such a hormone spike like i did that night. i've had sex, but i haven't imagined actually fucking somebody and it being good. i actually made myself horny. he's short like me, so i'm sure he could find some way to make up for it in the bedroom. short is sexy as fuck. i honestly want him to wrap his long hands around my trachea while i'm unable to move due to his testosterone-fueled strength. god, i love men.
i can imagine myself stretched out across the passenger seat and my mouth wrapped around him while he's forced to focus on the road. i want so bad to hear his moans at any and all hours of the day. i wonder if he is a man who moans? i don't want to be direct and be like "do you moan during sex or anything?" but i have to remember that i can only do so when i escape here. and my hormones would be so uncontrollable that i'd have to lock myself up to prevent getting a plane ticket.
i'm sure he doesn't like me, right? i mean, he was drunk so maybe he doesn't mean it. i dunno. he sent me a message today on instagram and my heart fluttered. i've promised myself that once i'm out of this toxic prison, i'll be out for good. no more old men, no more hurt. maybe i could do a fuckbuddy, but i'm not into that. if we fuck, we date, simple.
i feel like i should be totally honest right now, i sent him a picture of my titties. i did. i'll admit it. he's a titty man, but i have more ass to tit ratio and it's kind of freaking me out. we are very similar, but he hasn't seen the younger side of me, and i don't want to scare him off by showing him my interests that aren't me obsessing over music? like, what do i do? i'm sure he has other women that say and do this to him (i saw who he follows and they're all hot,) so he might not think about me like i'm thinking about him. anyways, he's totally bangin'.
i'm not in a relationship with the man, it's just very toxic. i figured i'd clear that up. there's a very unfortunate circumstance to this and that's why i'm still around him.
anyways, this fine ass man can literally do anything he wants to me. i want him to rail me and give me a lil love smack while i'm riding him. his hands are big and long, his penis might be tooooo!!!!!!
i'll update on him later.
