A Dove Forced To A Drove

Emotions Conflicting

"Ideas just like everything else, they have a beginning, and from that beginning, they get bigger, deeper, and more stable, unfortunately, this applies to both good and bad ones"

Am I really a good person? Well, I was a good one, but... Where did it all go wrong? The journey? The seekers killing that family? Or... With dad's barrier?

Ok... I think it started there... Dad did really give me a good lecture about what's good and what's bad, well... Until he fucked it up with him opposing everything he said...

He told me that doing bad things makes you drown into the dark without knowing, and a few hours later he sent a kid to his death without a hesitation! He didn't care about him... He didn't care about being good... All he cared about was to not "take any chances" he cared about us living... Oh, I understand you want to survive but... You weren't trying to be a good person... You just wanted to convince yourself that you are... That seeker wanted to help his sister, but caused so much suffering along the way, the same thing my family did... The idea of surviving and the one of being good, started a conflict within me... Do I have to survive by taking no chances or do I have to be a good person no matter what? I didn't know what to choose... But my instinct did decide for me...

When we were getting through that camp and my father got trapped, the first thing that got to my mind was to get rid of all the risks in the way, so I took the guards out, an action predicting a change in my personality... But did they even notice? No... They cheered me up for such action... And the idea just got deeper into me... Until we reached the amusement park, the child within me got in control, the idea of thinking about the risks couldn't surpass this child, a place we can finally play in, I finally get to have fun... I don't remember the last time we did play together... And... What an enjoyment that turned into a nightmare... My father got shot and I massacred that scavenger... I didn't care at that time, but after a while I was afraid... Mom will tell him... What will he say about me? But it turned out she didn't... Didn't she care about me doing such a thing? I don't really know or get to know... But what I do know is that the child I hold within... Died with that scavenger and the idea of surviving got deeper, my emotions about everyone, even me, got wiped out... All I care about, is to see my family breathing...

When we reached the ball camp, it was an idea no more, it became a belief, scavengers gathered around a camp, we have to get through, but they are so many, fighting them would be so risky, but wait! What if we shoot the central camp? The blast will kill them all! This would be so safe and quick and no risk is ever taken! This is what I thought of... Dad will surely be proud, I told him everything and waited for him to say how proud he is, but what did I really get? He got angry, started talking about me... He didn't even try to understand why did I think about doing so... All he cared about is what did I think of... He didn't try to solve anything, all he did was to judge... Our ambush ended with mom being shot... As I saw someone pointing his gun at her, I shot the camp, killing them all... I killed about 13 people with the press of a trigger... Dad's plan almost cost mom her life... I'm the one who's thinking the right way! They are wrong... Everyone is wrong! Even my family! This is what I was thinking of that time and even with the sadness and anger dad had... He didn't do anything about what I've done, he just ignored it as if it didn't even happen, then even with all of that conflict raising within my heart, I had to stand with mom after finding out about Lee... I had to be the person to give her the strength she needs and gladly I did, but the conflict continued getting bigger and bigger with time... I remember the time when they gave some scavengers a choice for their life, but to no avail... As they didn't take it and got eliminated...

After everything that happened, it looks like they agreed to delay our talk to when we reach NALAHO, as this is what he wrote in the diary... They wanted to delay an idea growing in my mind every day for months to come... Wow!

We finally reached NALAHO, we finally get to talk to our daughter, ohhh... Let's give her an indicator first and make her suspect everything while we leave her alone for months so we can work... Oh, why don't you trust everyone in the facility? Why are you a bad girl? Yeah... They really did think I would get to be a good person just by entering a facility I don't know anything about...

Everything led to that day... My family is being attacked... Me being attacked... There are people around me... They are everywhere... Can I just leave them there? I couldn't! I just couldn't... Then finally after killing everyone and reaching my family... I get to see them covered in blood and two persons standing in front of them, what did I have to do!!! Am I a bad person? Does it matter if my family were different or not? I can't hold it anymore... I can't continue with these thoughts... I just want to rest...

"Please, stop!" A strange voice rings in her ears, she turns her head facing him and shouts "go away, you don't want to be murdered do you!" He replies as he's laughing "of course not, who would murder me? You?" As anger rose with him laughing, she screams "you don't know who am I, what I've done, and what am I'm capable of" as he gets closer to her, with a soft voice says "I really don't, but I'm sure you are not the same person you think you are" as his words reach her, she starts laughing hysterically and says "oh? You sure! You don't know anything! I killed countless people, I killed them all without hesitation! I'm darkness itself!" as he continues getting closer to her, he says "if you are the same person you are talking about... Believe me, you wouldn't be trying to kill yourself" as he gets closer to her, the conflict in her mind becomes disastrous and she suddenly burst crying and runs to jump, he immediately runs catching her and burring her within him, she continues crying, dispatching everything her heart holds

After about 14 minutes, she pushes herself away from him and lowers her head, he puts his hand on her shoulder and says "go on I'm listening" she keeps continuing to be silent, he says "I'm Sam, I understand you" she raises her head looking at him, smiles and says "and how is that?" He replies "my father was a psychiatrist, he taught me everything he knows" she angrily says "are you crazy or what? Did you really risk your life just with such knowledge!" He says "no... I risked it to help you" she immediately gets a little away from him and says "why? Why would you care about helping me?" He looks directly into her eyes and confidently says "I'm repaying you" as confusion fills her, she wonderingly says "what are you talking about?" He opens a bag and takes an indicator, gives it to Yonah, and says "remember the guy you rescued from the scavengers last month? That was me, you paralyzed them, gave me this indicator and taught me how to use it, I kept following you since then, but kept my distance" as the surprise shock her face, she immediately takes it off and says "I didn't want to help you, all I wanted is to get through" he replies "no, you did want to help, you used electrical weapons, You risked your life... You could have just used any NUOE weapon, it would have been safer and easier, but you didn't! You can't be a bad person, I'm sure of it, even if you did do some bad things in the past, I'm sure you didn't have an option!" She covers her eyes with her hands holding tears and says "thanks, Sam... You did really give me everything I wanted to hear... And... My name is Yonah"