mistakes in the moonlight

It is early may i am sitting outside under the old tree in our back yard with my ipod. 

my dad is crying. 

my brother is depressed. 

my mother died about 8 days ago.... i still remember it: 

the sirens where the first thing i heard, i was sitting in this very spot, my dad had cried out but i didnt know why. I heard screaming... i had been drawing, my art assignment. There was something wrong but i thought that it might have been dominick my brother he has almost been run over 3 times now. i got up and walked outside and the first thing that came to my sight was my mother Hannah on the ground i had heard a small screech then i realised it had come from me, my dad was down next to her shouting for help when he looked at me his eyes were tear stained it was like he had known what was going to happen but still couldnt save her... it was how he looked that scared me the most not that the fact that my mother was on the ground bleeding. He wailed "call an ambulance" but i could bearly hear him an i realised that there was my brother next to my dad and a small group of out neighbours standing around so i didnt turn to get the phone because i could already hear the sirens... the tears could not be stopped now i felt them silently run down my cheeks. my mum had a small bullet to the chest and a small pool of blood had stained the ground. this was the last thing i remember until i was in the ambulance holding my mothers hand hoping that she was alive. then i was in her room in the hospital saying goodbye... they were going to turn off the life support soon because the bullet had gone to deep and punctured her heart. she was still alive but only a little and she wouldnt remember any of us so me and my brother had to make the choice and as much as we had loved her we didnt have the money to keep her alive anymore. Everything had just slipped out of my help too quickly, I was so scared and confused...

i had to say goodbye last it was the hardest thing to do it was like saying you had to leave and never come back to someone you knew could understand you but couldnt stop you. you want them to stop you but when they dont you just cant stand it. then the police came they asked us questions outside of her room i could hear them but only faintly i couldnt answer anything because i didnt trust my voice i was scared if i tried to say anything i would start to cry again. 

A NEW DAY: 

my eyes are still red today and i cant stand to think of my mother anymore it just hurts to much.i got a week off school and i will have to have to go to the shrink at the school. my friends havent called they probably are to scared to... 

the sun is setting i have to go inside soon and face my dad and brother. 

my brother is standing at the door " c'mon dinner is ready!" he shouted at me 

he seemed to handle mums death pretty well but i was in the room next to his and i could hear him crying him self to sleep. he is depressed.  

" yeah i'm coming i'll be there in a sec." i replied. 

he shut the door. 

i stood my long brown hair hung limp on my back and i had to sweep my fringe off my face so i could see. my hair goes about half way down my back. i just want to forget, was the only thought that went through my head.

" Katherine!! " my dad shouted at me 

" what? im coming! " 

i walked through the door and went to my room to put my stuff away and get changed. 

i walk out to silence and a plate of some microwave-able crap  

" oh god not this crap again?! can i just go down to the pizza place please?? "