Never Always (NaNoWriMo 2014)

Chapter Eighteen

Chapter Eighteen

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Something was wrong.

My eyes snapped over to the bassinet where my son had shifted. He was swaddled in there, wrapped in blue, and I couldn’t help but think he was too far away. What if there was something wrong with him? What if he stopped breathing? What if he was choking on his spit-up? Even though he was merely foot or two away, I worried. About everything.

I sat up and reached out to put my hand on him.

He was breathing.

But I wasn’t taking any chances.

I scooped him out of the plastic bassinet and held him in front of me. His coloring resembled a sweet potato, obvious signs of jaundice, and my anxious meter hit maximum capacity. Something was wrong.

I hit the call button and held him close.

The nurse came in a few minutes later with an infinite amount of patience written on her face.

“I think there’s something wrong with him,” I blurted before she could as much as put sanitizer on her hands. “Could you check him?”

“Let’s take a look,” she agreed. When she got closer and I hadn’t put him down, she placed a hand on my shoulder and smiled. It was kind. “You can keep him in your lap if you’d like.”

I stretched out my legs and elevated them a little. “He made this noise and I noticed he’s a little more jaundiced than before.”

She nodded. “Understandable. Let’s loosen his blanket a little—” She let me untuck him and then she snuck her stethoscope over his chest after blowing on it a little to warm it up. He made a hermpth noise, obviously not happy about this new development, and stretched his neck.

“There’s something wrong, isn’t there?”

The nurse kept a straight face and repositioned the scope. After a minute, she smiled and shook her head. “He’s digesting.”

“Digesting,” I whispered. “You’re sure?”

She nodded. “Most definitely and they’re all good sounds. Nothing to indicate a problem.” She considered me for a moment. “Want to hear his heart?”

My tired body straightened. “Really?”

“Mmhmm.” She took the scope from around her neck and indicated my ears. “May I?” When I nodded, she put the earpieces in place and then rested the end over my son’s heart.

My ears filled with the swift pace whoosh, whoosh, whoosh and my eyes filled with tears. He was ok. I looked from him to the nurse and she smiled at me. I nodded a few minutes later and she took the stethoscope back. I was relieved. Best way to describe it. And it must’ve shown on my face because she relaxed too.

“You ok now, momma?”

I nodded and looked back down at him. He’d managed to wiggle his arm free of the loose bindings and had it next to his face. His lips were parted a little and I still found his nose a little funny shaped—but he was perfect. Therefore so was I.

“Yeah.”

“You know, second time mothers aren’t normally this nervous. I thought you were going to be the easy one.”

“I’m sorry,” I muttered. “It’s just—”

“Every child is different,” she said, covering up my lack of words. “You have a little girl too, right?”