In Perspective

Chapter 3 Did I Just Do That?

The next morning consisted of me refusing to wake up, but also me mentally no allowing myself to sleep do to the fact that my brother would have my head on a stick. I eventually dragged my body up from the safety of my bed. I opened the drawer next to my bed, I pulled out my medication my mom used to tell me "take your happy pills honey, you'll feel better" guess that's pretty untrue, turns out its just antidepressant's that cause my emotions to fade away. Of course I suppose I've been taking it for such a long time that it almost doesn't work at all, emphasis on almost. It does have it's moments where it kicks in when I need it most, other than that it's pretty useless to me.

So why take them is what I'm usually asked the minute I explain that to people, the honest answer is I have no idea, I suppose it's just something I do in rememberence of my mother. A pretty fucked up way to remember her by but, I can't complain. As I continued to get up I streched out my body, bending my back letting the stiffness of sleep release my back. I closed my eyes as I did so and I found that opening my eyes afterwards my vision was blurry and I felt like I could fall over if I had no balance. I quickly grabbed my dresser for support and stood there for a few moments.

Things like that occasionally happen do to my medicine, dizziness and shakiness was a sideeffect of not feeling. A small price that almost caused me to tumble down the stairs once or twice. I grabbed my clothes for that day an got changed. Red converse all fucked up the way I liked them and jeans an a sweatshirt and t-shirt far too big for me. I grabbed my beat up bag for school an walked down the stairs. My brother was up with a mug of coffee in his hand. His hair was messy and his glasses were actually on for once, he seemed to only need them for reading but I've seen him walk into quite a few things without them on.

He looked up from his coffee mug and gave me a big grin, I gave a shy smile back and walked over to the fridge. I didnt eat in the mornings, it made me sick since my bus comes at 6:40 am exactly I found it disturbing to eat that early. I grabbed a water bottle, and ran out the door. The bus had just pulled up to my house, right on time as always that was Mr. Detrist for you. I walked on the bus and took my seat all the way in the back of the bus. I was the first kid on the bus, juniors and seniors weren't allowed to take the bus I happened to be a softmore. I put my headphones in and found my self listening to a pretty cool song. I in particular realted to it, it was called "Happy Little Pill" seeing as I took pills similar to what the artist was talking about I related to it all too well.

I don't know what it was about me but, the freshmen looked up to me as if I was some kind of god on that bus. I'm not sure if they all thought they'd get some kind of boost from knowing someone a year older than them, but people are what they are and feel how they feel, they just really annoyed the shit out of me. One cocky little boy specifically made me want to off myself right then and there. His hair was like a brown wave stuffed in a beanie. The kind of kid that if I was his age might actually be considered attractive, but because I'm older every kid that is younger than me happens to look really weird. Anyways this kid was no good, he did nothing but try an talk to me the entire 15 minute bus ride. My only escape happened to be my loud music blasting through my headphones.

After sucessfully ignoring every freshmen on the bus, prison reared it's ugly head. The sight of school made me wanna barf. I collected my items an shoved them into the void called my bag, I swear I could lose my head in this thing. I got up an walked off the bus, walking at a nice pace to my locker which was just very inconveniently changed today. I began looking at the numbers searching for mine, 665. There were a lot of lockers in this school due to the large amount of students. The joys of overcrowded public schools ladies and gents, endless walking just to put your books down and occasionally grab more. I finally found my locker but when that locker comes in sight so does a mess of chocolate curls, surrounded by a flock of girls and boys. I have just involuntarily walked up to the picture perfect crew of the school. I quickly walked to my locker fumbling with the lock using my new combo. Some of the crew walked away but someone I wished wouldn't have turned around and headed to the locker next to mine.