He is the bravest man I've ever met. I thought he was never scared. I was wrong.
He is my best friend, I would never do something to hurt him, physically or emotionally. Not in purpose. Yet, he's now crying and trembling, and it's my fault.
I don't know what to do, what to say, how to feel, how to help. I don't know if he wants me to leave him alone or to be by his side, so I don't move. Nobody does. Until they arrive.
They keep telling him that he's safe, asking him to breathe, reminding him they're with him, telling him they won't let him die. Eventually, they start asking him simple questions. Where he's at, who is he with, what's his name.
When he calms down, I kneel in front of him, begging for forgiveness. He smiles weakly, he forgives me. What did I ever do to deserve such a friend?
Did I start the story from the middle? Sorry.
I had been busy the whole month, with no time for myself or for my friends. So I decided we would go on a hunting trip. Well, that was just an excuse, it was a trip for us all to have fun. And Merlin doesn't find hunting fun.
He had always been by my side, he deserved to have a good time more than everyone. So we would spend a few days just hanging out my knights, Merlin, and I. Swimming, getting to know each other better, playing...
We were all swimming, except for him, so I did something I shouldn't have: I threw him in the water.
He got out and sat with his back against a tree, trembling, crying. From then on, you know what happened.
I get back to the present when Lancelot grabs my arm and walks away from the others, Gwaine following us.
They stand in front of me, being so serious I'm honestly scared. Lancelot almost never stands up to me, and Gwaine is never this serious.
-What were you thinking, Arthur? - Gwaine aggressively asks
-Please just tell us you didn't do it on purpose. Tell us you didn't know about his traumatic experience.
-But don't you dare to lie.
-I really don't know what you're talking about. What experience? - I ask. They look at each other and relax a little.
-Why do you think he reacted like that? When he was little, some kid threw him into a lake. He fell into the water, he was alone, and didn't know how to swim. Will, a friend of his, saved him just before he drowned, with him barely conscious. - Lance started to explain.
-You did the exact same thing they did. He remembered everything he went through that day and had a panic attack.
I should have respected the fact that he didn't want to swim. I look back and find Merlin sleeping in Percival's lap like a child, while he's hugging him and humming, treating him like a son.
Lance and Gwaine keep talking, but I'm not listening anymore. I walk to where Percival was and when he sees me, he holds Merlin closer. I sigh and sit next to him.
-Did you know? - I ask. He just nods.
Merlin slept for a few hours, while everyone glared at me, even Leon. I started wondering if they all knew. Now, he's finally awake.
I keep apologizing and his answer is always a sweet smile and a quiet "I forgive you". That is, of course, when the knights don't take him away from me as if I was a monster. I'm starting to believe I am.
~•~•~•~•~•~
A few days passed, and Merlin either is a very good actor, or he's really forgiven me, but the knights definitely haven't.
They make sure he spends as much time away from me as possible, they even help him with his chores so that he finishes quickly and can leave. I'm fine with that, I don't trust myself around him anymore.
I would have thought Lancelot and Gwaine wouldn't leave Merlin's side, but actually the ones that are with him 24/7 are Leon and Percival.
-Merlin? - I call. Leon kisses his head and walks towards me.
-He's tired, let him rest. Any chore you want him to do, I'll do it.
-No, that's not your job, it's his.
-My job? My job as his big brother is to take care of him and to protect him from idiots like you. If that means I'm kinda becoming your manservant too, then so be it. What do you want me to do, then, Sire?
-The way you say "Sire" lately feels like you hate me...
-I don't. I just don't like you.
-But you were one of my best friends...
-So? Merlin had a panic attack because of you. Do you really think we still like you after that?
-It was an honest mistake! I just wanted him to have fun. I didn't think it would give him a panic attack!
-Well you should have respected him!
-I know! I'm doing everything in my power to show him how sorry I am. So go ahead, hate me, kill me, I don't care... As long as you let me show him how important he is to me.
-Do you mean it?
-I do.
-Then I could hit you right now and there would be no consequence?
-Go ahead.
Leon smirks. Oh, I'm scared. I close my eyes as he tries to hit me, but someone stands between us, taking the impact for me. I hear Leon gasp and take a few steps back, repeating "I'm so sorry" many times.
-It's alright, Leo. It was my decision.
-Merlin? - I ask, opening my eyes slowly.
-Hi, Arthur. - he smiles kindly.
-Merlin, I'm so sorry, for everything.
-It's alright, Prat. I forgive you.
-You are too good for this world, little brother - both Leon and Percival tell him. He just smiles.
-No, but I'm definitely too good to be your brother. Am I adopted? - he pouts and they both hug him.
-Maybe, but we don't care. We love you anyway.
-I love you too, but I will love you more if you forgive my friend.
-How do you ask, Merlin? - I'm starting to think Percival sees Merlin as a son.
-Fine. Would you forgive Arthur Pratdragon, please?
-We will. Just for you.
-Thanks!
I really hope things get back to normal soon.
