shattered

trigger warnings: suicide, mentions of blood, death.

a/n: I've never written a story like this before, where everything is hypothetical and nothing is clear. It's new, but I think I got my point across.

Do not read if you're easily triggered by emotional writings and or suicide. There are a lot of sensitive things touched upon in this story. You've been warned.

Also recommended: listen to "you never know" by blackpink while reading.

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Imagine.

It's been a rough Monday. Things are tiring, exhausting, you just want to relax. You stop at the grocery store to pick up some comfort food, but it's busier than expected. The employees have a lot of work to do, they're rushing around, trying so hard to manage the amount of customers while being clearly understaffed.

You're getting annoyed because you just want some help locating an item. A young employee approaches you breathlessly.

"I'm sorry, as you can see, there's a lot of people here tonight. Can I help you?"

"It's about time," you snap, "I need pasta. But I can't find it. Maybe you can be useful for once and find it for me."

Her eyes shatter before you, but you aren't looking at them. She forces a smile and nods.
"Of course, I can find that for you." Her voice trembles as she speaks, but she swallows her hurt and stays as composed as her mind allows.

She leads you to the pasta and offers you their best-selling brand. 

"I don't eat that, it's too expensive," you grunt, "just let me pick it out. I don't need your help anymore."

The girl's spirit is destroyed as she slinks away. Long after your interaction with her and after you've gone home and her shift is over, your words still weigh on her mind.

She walks through her apartment door. Her shoulders drag her down as she slumps into a worn-out, second-hand chair. Tears are past threatening to explode from her eyes as the day flashes before her eyes.

All of the ungrateful customers. All of the people who didn't want to treat her like a human. Everyone who hadn't known anything about her current mental state.

People who didn't know her mother had died over the weekend. People who didn't know she had been abandoned by all of her friends because of her mental illnesses. People who didn't know she was struggling to keep her grades afloat.

People who would never know how alone she was. The traumas she may have suffered in her life. The stress that her personal life was bringing her.

She generally kept work at work, school at school, and her personal life in her personal life. But the stress of all three was merging into one big ball of pain and it was beginning to swallow her whole.

She just wants a reason to smile. She wants to know what happiness feels like again. She feels like her world has been covered by pain and anger and tears for as long as she can remember.

This girl, she's falling into a hole that she's been unknowingly digging for herself for years. She's falling into her grave without warning, before she's hit with the realization that she would be better off dead.

She sobs, her breathing getting ragged as anxiety claws across her chest, her brain screaming at her to lose control. Her world is surreal at this point, as if she were viewing it from above. Nothing feels tangible, and she resigns herself to a single train of thought.

"If I killed myself, no one would care. No one checks up on me. No one cares how I'm doing. I should just die."

So she does. Maybe she overdoses on her meds, or maybe she bleeds out in her bathtub, or maybe she hangs herself from her ceiling. No matter what way she chooses to go, she's alone. Nobody finds her until the morning, when it's clearly too late. It's too late. She's gone forever. 

She'll never finish her doctorate, or go to Poland like she wanted to, or get married to who she loves, or kiss her newborn baby, or write a novel, or get a tattoo, or paint a mural, or adopt a dog.

She'll never hug anyone again, never smile at anyone again, never say "I love you," to anyone again. She will never kiss anyone goodbye again, never share kindness again, never cook for her favorite people again.

She'll never be able to live again. She's gone forever.

Let's go back.

That night, before everything fell apart, you decided to find your patience.

You smile at her gently as she rushes over to you, out of breath and a little sweaty and disheveled from her hard work.

"Can I help you?"

"Yes, if it doesn't take up too much of your time. I just need some pasta."

The tired girl gives you a smile. "Of course, if you could follow me, please."

She shows you the pasta. You accept the brand she recommends.

"Thank you, sweetheart. You're working so hard, good luck with the rest of your shift."

Your smiles are understanding of each other. You share a mutual sigh of pure exhaustion. But you carry on, nonetheless.

And she remembers. She remembers your smile, your patience, your praise. And it motivates her to stay alive at least one more day, to keep fighting, to do what she loves as long as she is able.

It reminds her that there are things worth living for in this broken world. There are people worth living for.

And all it took was a little kindness for her to realize that.

a/n pt. 2: be kind. share love. pay attention to the pain others may be facing. and most of all, remember to be mindful and empathetic and forgiving. everyone faces their own difficulties and everyone reacts differently to situations because everyone has a different mindset, different personality, different upbringing, different morals. so many variations cause changes in reactions and actions in different scenarios. remember to think of others, not just yourself.
and remember, somewhere in the world, someone loves you more than you love yourself.
~jules♡