"Couldn't Have Been Me"

Chapter 1

"Intimacy"

February 14, 2020... At this time I was twenty-one . Just had moved back home with my mother. Along with my three brothers. I was lost . I lost everything. I had a nice apartment, wonderful friends, a good paying job. Baby everything.. I was searching for something I would soon regret... I was searching for love, hope, and faith.I decided to get online on my Facebook account. I came across an old friend on my cousins Facebook story. If I knew what I know now baby I would have never slide up on that story, but in due time we will get there. I saw an old friend, an old classmate, on his story I thought I'd tell my cousin to tell him "hey." Next thing I know this man messages me on Snapchat . So of course I reply! His first statement was "your cousin said you said hey." Me being me "yeah lol I wanted to speak." Things went on.. flirtatious messages, every morning I got a "Goodmorning Beautiful." Never skipped a morning, he was on time every day at 7:30 sharp, in my head I'm thinking he's thinking of me. Plans to see each other moved so fast a man I haven't seen since 2012. So let's skip ahead in March . When we were officially dating.. Long conversations of future plans together. What kinda house we wanted TOGETHER.. Felt like I knew this man for a life time. Face it I wanted to be loved I wanted to know what it truly feels like to be loved, adored, spoiled, cherished, put first, respected, overall LOVE . I didn't know at the time that me loving myself was ENOUGH, I didn't need approval from a man. So March 19, 2020... I traveled TWO hours to so see whom I thought was the man of my dreams. This man who "claimed" he loved me didn't make effort to see me! Call me stupid yes ma'am two hours. So he paid for a hotel room, I'm not usually a smoker, but we smoked so many blunts that night back to back. I laid directly there in his arms smoking blunt after blunt after blunt. He HELD me, he COMFORTED me, he made me feel BEAUTIFUL, he made me feel SPECIAL there was no other place I'd rather be in that moment! So we cuddle on for about a good two hours while smoking, I'm highly influenced, I'm feeling marvelous, I am turned on! Satan had me so wet that I could FEEL it. It was a different type of lust, I felt connected physically, emotionally, & spiritually. It was time for sex. He did everything right... He took his time with me, the way he touched me was like God's judging me & he has let me into heaven's gates. YES SATAN HAD ME FEELING THIS WAY! We made love for hours and hours and hours. The way he grab every inch of me, this 5'1 two hundred and eighty-nine pound woman . He held my love handles, he grabbed me by the neck intensely but very sexually! The way he kissed my breast just everything you could imagine! I felt like a virgin again. Time went on and he eventually he got hungry. So we stop our intimate moment for dodge's chicken . I remember driving back to the hotel room, and him feeding me chicken. The simple things this man did warmed my heart. Time went on and on till it was time for me to return back home because he was "busy" making money that Sunday . If you ask me money I've never seen ha! Things went on. I started skipping work every weekend just to see this man! I craved him! I always wanted this devil of a man in my presence. Honey he wasn't paying for me to miss work either! I was getting behind in life and didn't even recognize my mistakes so early! Every weekend up until my birthday I was with this man! My birthday is April 24 . So if you're paying attention to my story so far you do the math . It is now April 22, 2020. He decides that he's going to come to horn lake, Mississippi, from Moorhead, Mississippi! Two hours away.. So every night he was paying for hotel room after hotel room after hotel room. My life was moving so fast! In a blink of an eye and I just thought this was GREAT because I'm with the one I love EVERYDAY! So it is now my birthday April 24, on a Friday! A Good Friday in April! No rain, no wet slippery roads, no humid air, just a very beautiful day. We decided to spend my birthday with my two cousins. Let's call them Mya & Malik . We cooked rotel, seasoned wings, & hot wings for my birthday! Of course it was drugs and alcohol waiting to be consumed as well. I was high, I was taking edibles, I was drinking Hennessy, pink Whitney, crown, & they also got me to try a perc. Never in my life have I ever popped any type of prescription medicine or even over the counter to get high! It was a new experience! Hell I thought I was living it up, it was my birthday big twenty-two! I thought this was the best birthday ever!! I cried! I thanked my now ex boyfriend, my cousin mya & Malik for this time & that I wouldn't want it with anybody else!! Of course, "Mr. Perfect" took a napkin & dapped it on my face to not smear my makeup. Like I said I was head over hills he did everything right! Until up till this one incident everyday consisted of missing work, doing drugs, high sex, and relaxing! It is now May 4, 2020 my first red flag that I didn't take heed to.. Mya, Malik, Satan & myself was all at my cousin Tootie house trying to get "served" . We were bickering over something so small . His exact words was ," Shut the fuck up!" Of course I am a Taurus baby! We don't know what "shut the fuck up means." So I am still carrying on with the bickering because he is not hearing me out! My cousin Mya & Malik steps out the car he proceeds to fully blown slap the glasses off my face and said ,"I told you to shut the fuck up." Yes, the man I thought would never! HE DID! So I am totally disbelief of what just happened. My cousins jump back in the car not knowing, asking me ,"Destiney why are you so quiet." I just say," it's nothing." When it was obviously something! We go ahead get cigars for the weed, and food for our munchies . I'm still with attitude over Mya's house just ready to leave his ass stranded and here! He played it so smooth.. he knew my weaknesses he knew how to make it up. He held on me while smoking the blunt filled with Exotic & tells me in my ear "baby I am sorry I will NEVER do it again." Tears fell down my face & yes... I believed him I believed he would never do it again....