The Break-up

1: The Fall Out

The moment I stepped inside, I finally knew that  it was hopeless. It was getting out of hand, not even worth-saving. Our relationship was slowly dying and worst, I was the one who fell out first. Or was I really inlove at all? Or was I just faking it? It really makes me wonder if I've ever been inlove with him, or maybe I was just blinded with the excitement of being in a relationship with someone else. And that I haven't fallen inlove, really. That it was just my hormones kicking, saying that I was inlove even if I'm not.

I stood there at the corner of the little room. Frozen as I stared at the picture hanging on the wall. The sun was about to set which makes the rays pass through the glass window. Doubtful, I took a step closer and stared again.

It was a picture of me and Santi under a big pine tree taken duringg our trip last December. He was smiling so wide that even now that it'd been a year since the picture was last taken, I could still feel how giddy he was back then. He looked so happy and my aura was the opposite. I was wearing a forced smile. Who wouldn't frown when you've been suffering from dysminorhea the whole day? I told Santi he shouldn't put this photo on this room but he insisted. And I could argue no more, this wasn't my house after all.

I breathed heavily as I waited for him to come home.

I looked at my watch and found out that it was already four o' clock. Santi's probably on his way and the break up will take place any minute now. I wonder how would he react to what I'm about to say. Surely, he had no idea that I was going to break up with him. Through the weeks that passed, he kept on reminding me how beautiful will I look if I wear a wedding dress. He'd been busy preparing for his surprise proposal which was certainly not a surprise for me anymore. Knowing Santi, it'd surely be a big event. Santi had been always like that. He was the sweetest thing on Earth. He knows alot of surprises, one that would surely melt any girl's heart. Unfortunately, not mine. I get used to his surprises and sadly, his surprises never surprised me anymore.

At some point, I thought, I was inlove with him. But one day, I realized that I was just tolerating his sweetness, that I was never giving back his affection because I have no love for him. It wasn't love. It was friendship that I wanted. I was just overwhelmed with the feeling of being loved that's why I gave in to his charm and dated him. And now that I finally figured it all out, there's no turning back.

Santi, let's break up. Those were the words that kept on playing on my mind. The break up would be brief, I planned it well. I'd just tell him that I want to end it, no excuses, less drama. And yeah, less casualty. And step away from this house, step out of his life and never ever come back.

Santi's a good person, the last person I wanted to hurt. He came at the darkest moment of my life. He was there when I was nothing but a lost soul after having my heart broken by that heartless jerk. I was so lost back then, and yet he found me. He was the one who mended me. Funny that I was the first one who needed saving and now, I was the one who'd break him. And I couldn't take it if I'd break him more if I knew too well that there's an easier way to tell him that we're over.

Suddenly, my phone rang. I fumbled to answer it only to hear a shocking news.

"Ma'am, we found your contact on the patient's phone. He encountered a car collission and his car was hit by a ten-wheeler truck. We're on our way to the hospital," the woman reported and all I could do was to stare blankly at the space. The next thing I knew, the caller finally ended the call and I was left standing and dumbfounded as hasty tears began falling from my very eyes.

No, this can't be.

MY HANDS were involuntarily shaking as I paved my way inside the hospital's emergency room. Lots of people are panicking. Well, I'm in an emergency room, what would I expect, a room full of people smiling?

I searched for Santi as my heart thumped so loudly. And there at the corner was him, lying limply on the bed. His eyes were close and I couldn't help but to cry after seeing his state. Red liquid were trickling from a cut on his forehead.  Fresh surge of tears instantly flowed from my eyes as I stood infront of him.

Santi was never like this. He used to be the alert one. The one you'd probably count on when everyone else had failed. But now, with all the blood covering his body, he looked so helpless and it pained me.

I was about to hold his hand, a thing I was used to do because we've been in a relationship for years when the nurse stopped me halfway. And it hurt me for no apparent reason. I was supposed to break up with him. And yet, I felt hurt for not being allowed to hold his hand.

What an irony.

From silence, sobs started coming from me. I don't know what I was feeling. It just felt like my heart was breaking. Pity. Yes, maybe that's the reason why I was crying. It was nothing but pity.

Was it really pity?

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Note: Just a teaser. Won't update everyday. Kill me now.