lost | njh

chapter 1

''p-please harder!'' i hear loud moans from the other side of the door. everytime i hear the familiar moan, my heart shatters a bit more. i peek my head in the room, seeing brandon's back, sweat trickling down his muscular body. 

the door creaks, betraying me. two heads snap towards me. my cheeks turn crimson as tears threaten to escape my eyes. ''vinny'' brandon breathes as he quickly gets off the naked girl laying beneath him.

he grabs his black briefs, puts them on and walks over to me. ''i'm sorry-'' ''safe it'' i snap, tears now freely cascading down my face. 

''brandon, who is this girl?'' the female laying on the bed asks. she quickly covers her bare body with the sheets, on which i did once the dirty with brandon. i cringe at the thought.

''i'm his girlfriend'' i tell her. her eyes widen once the words leave my mouth. ''you said you were single?'' she raises her eyebrows at the half naked guy in front of me, fury clear in her eyes. she settles her gaze on me again. ''i'm so sorry'' she tells me. ''it's not your fault'' i give her a small smile. i don't even know how i'm able to manage a fake smile at the moment.

i leave the bedroom quietly, making my way down the stairs. the livingroom was still crowded, people grinding against each other everywhere, red cups in their hands. a few people spill their drinks on me as i try to make my way through the crowd, a few beer stains on my red velvet skater dress now.

i put on my fake fur coat and grab my sports bag, already filled with my clothes since i was planning on staying at brandon's for a week. i leave the house immediately, my creepers making an annoying sound everytime they hit the snowy pavement.

i'm almost freezing, the black tights not helping me very much. i make my way through a few streets, until i stand in front of a massive building. there were big bold letters on the brick wall, reading mullingar train station. 

i enter the building, which is now empty because it's past 1 in the morning. i look at the big yellow posters, which inform me the last train to dublin left 2 hours ago. great.  

i sit down on one of the steel bench, which almost freezes me to death. i open my sports bag and search through the many clothes until i find a pair of sweatpants.

my eyes glance around the room again, still seeing nobody. i quickly take off my tights, my legs turning a light shade of purple now. i put on my sweatpants, and switch my velvet skater dress quickly into a derby county hoodie.

i sit down on the bench again, wrapping my arms around my legs to warm myself a bit. it was eerie quiet and dark in the building, the only source of light the moonlight shining through the windows. 

i stare at the trainrails, which are now covered in snow. i used to love the winter a lot - the snow always looks so beautiful, and i loved to make a snowman every winter. but now i totally despise it - the cold, the yellow snow and slipping every now and then. i even slipped at school last week. the whole school saw it, and i have never been so embarrassed before.

''what are you doing here?'' a loud voice wakes me from my thoughts. i snap my head to the side, finding a frame walking towards me. ''n-nothing'' i stutter, terrified by the person. once he comes closer and the moonlight shines on his face, i can make out it's a blond guy, wearing the same hoodie i'm wearing now.

''obviously'' he chuckles as he takes a seat next to me. i guess he's a bit older than me - around the age of 20. i've never seen him before.

''but why are you here?'' he asks. ''waiting for the train'' i mumble, trying to avoid his gaze as much as possible. ''the next train isn't leaving until 3, which is in 2 hours'' he says while looking at his watch.

''i know'' i lie, fumbling nervously with the drawstring of my sweatpants. 

''you know, you shouldn't be here alone at this time'' he says as he pulls his legs up on the bench, wrapping his muscular arms around them. i can't help but stare at his arms.

''i don't care'' i mumble to myself. ''you should'' he says. i feel his eyes burning holes in me, his gaze never leaving me. 

''why are you here?'' i ask curiously, turning my head to him. ''same reason as you. waiting for the train'' he tells me as he looks at me, straight in the eyes. ''okay'' i mutter, giving him a small smile before i take my eyes off him.

''why are you leaving mullingar?'' he asks. ''i don't know, i'm kinda lost i think. i don't know what i want'' i sigh. i don't even know why i'm telling him all of this, but it's kind of relieving.

''yeah, me too'' he chuckles lightly.

''wanna be lost together?''