The Bad Boy's Choice

Chapter 4

“So how does it feel to be at the bottom of the food chain?” 

“Like nothing I’ve ever felt like before.”

There’s a massive smile on my face as I tell Nicole this, obviously she doesn’t believe me. Ever since I told her that I’d broken up with Jay she’s been coming over to my house, tubs of ice-cream and Gilmore Girls DVDs in hand. To her, I’m heartbroken, or, well I should be. She also very conveniently thinks I’m lying, that it was Jay who ended things and not me.

Because it is so absurd that I’d dump the golden boy, isn’t it? 

Continuing to eat my BLT, I’ve had a sudden increase in my appetite ever since the break up so there’s that for women who suddenly become a size two after ending their relationships, I ignore Nicole and survey the rest of the cafeteria.

I haven’t been relegated to the loner table by the big bad jocks and their girlfriends, rather I’ve chosen to sit here by myself. It’s a fresh start, a new beginning and every other cliche there is possible to say that I’m relishing no longer feeling suffocated.

Heck, I rolled out of bed this morning and was completely convinced on wearing my sweats to school but I guess something habits will be hard to get rid of that easily. I still dolled myself up but when lunch came around I couldn’t handle the idea of going back to that table. 

So here I am, sitting all alone in peace and quiet. Well, technically there’s a biker chick dressed in all black sitting at the end of the table, scribbling furiously into a notebook but I might as well have been alone.

Nicole now pulls the chair next to mine out and glowers at me.

“Stop being an idiot, no one’s going to treat you any different. Jay’s telling everyone that it’s a temporary thing and that you were stressed because of school and stuff. Just come back and sit with me.”

I huff, her argument seems so ridiculous to me. “Why does it even matter where I sit? I’m still eating aren’t I? Isn’t that the whole point of a cafeteria? My social status shouldn't really depend on a piece of furniture.”

“Are you high?”

“Do I have to be high to make sense?”

She shakes her head,”

 Don’t do this. It’s our senior year, it’s supposed to be perfect and you’re…”

“I’d rather it not be perfect if I have to fake my way through it. Face it, things haven’t been perfect in a long time.”

She sucks in a breath and her eyes drop to the floor. She looks around the room until she finds Cole who’s sitting with Alex and some other guys from the football team.

“Did you know he told me he can’t be with me anymore? It’s funny isn't it, the same day you throw away your relationship he chooses to break my heart?”

I don’t think she meant it to sound as accusatory as it did and I feel my face get hot. I haven’t told her about my night out with Cole, she wouldn’t understand.

No one would understand.

“He must not know how you really feel about him.”

She laughs bitterly, “Oh he knows, I’m an open book around him it’s kind of sad actually. He knows exactly how I feel but I guess he’ll never feel the same way.”

“Have you ever tried bringing it up? That you want something more serious?”

She shrugs but the pain is evident on her face. I hurt for my best friend and the feeling is accompanied by guilt, so much of it.