cherry flavoured // h.s

thursday, 24 december

When I agreed with mum to come home for Christmas I figured I was signing up for nights watching our usual favourite Christmas movies, baking a batch of cinnamon sugar cookies, and copious amounts of cups of tea. I definitely didn't expect to be standing on the doorstep of Harry Styles' home - with a plate of the aforementioned cookies - having willingly made the choice to spend an evening with him. I suppose 'willingly' can be used lightly in this circumstance.

It was all mum really. I had forced myself to wake up extra early in the morning, set on preparing breakfast for the two of us. Of course though, she was already awake. The meds did always make it hard for her to sleep for long periods, but she made up for it with regular naps throughout the day.

"What are you doing up so early?" She was sitting at the dining table, nursing her first cup of tea for the day.

"Well, I was planning on surprising you with breakfast in bed," I spoke as I walked over to give her a small hug.

She squeezed my arm, "I never liked eating my breakfast in bed anyways. Too many crumbs. I won't say no to a piece of toast though. Eaten here at the table, preferably."

I laughed but happily began working on her request. "So, what's the plan for today?" I asked once the toast was on and my own cup of tea was brewing.

"Baking?"

"Sounds perfect."

"Anne mentioned some Christmas Eve drinks," she said quite casually. Even though my back was to her I could imagine the look on her face. Mum knew rather little about what happened between Harry and I - just enough to make it clear that I had no interest in seeing or talking to him any longer. This never deterred her though, she was always trying to manufacture some situation that forced Harry and I to be together in the same room. It was part of the reason why I had stopped coming home for Christmas. So I knew exactly what she was thinking by bringing up Anne's offer from last night.

"Oh, did she?" I tried to play dumb.

"It might be nice for old times sake, I remember when you would beg to see Harry every year on Christmas night!"

I sighed, turning to face her once more. She held a sad smile on her face. "That was a long time ago. Anyways, I came home to spend time with you, not them."

"We are allowed to spend time together with some other people around, you know."

I rolled my eyes, "Let's just wait and see how you feel this evening."

I hadn't even properly agreed but mum was practically beaming for the rest of the day. How could I say no when she brought it up again later on? When it came to after dinner though I could tell she was putting on a brave face, but her eyes had the telltale glassiness of fatigue and I knew there was no point in pushing her to come out. I told her I would still go, anything to keep her smiling.

"It'll just be like old times, back when things were happy," was the last thing she said to me as I gave her a hug and wished her goodnight. It made my heart twinge - if she considered that long ago as happier times, what did the last few years count as?

So, here I was standing somewhat rigidly trying to gather the courage to knock on Harry's door. Half of me was hopeful that he wasn't even going to be home tonight - perhaps he had made some better plans - but the rational side of me knew that Anne wouldn't let him miss tonight. Finally, when I could start to feel the cold seeping past my thick layers of clothing, I raised my hand and knocked.

I heard the familiar clunk of the lock and the door creaked open, a sound I had heard probably hundreds of times. Thankfully I was greeted by Gemma, not him.