|FIX ME| Nate Maloley

Prologue

I am an only child, divorced parents, not so perfect life. My parents got divorced right when I was at age of 2 so I didn’t go through the tough divorce. My mom moved to live with her parents and as I am a girl, I got to live with my mom.You see, now you would expect me to say that from then until now I lived with my mom, not contacted my dad once, that’s not the case.

Living with my mom was like living in hell with devil himself. As I was just a kid, I didn’t know anything but sometime at age of 6 I figured out that my dad is coming to pick me up more often, that I am spending more time with him and his mother, my grandma.

Living in the house with my mom, her parents, aunts, etc, it wasn’t easy, I remember that I would wait to everyone to be done with eating so I could sit or that I would always get random present while my siblings get what they wanted and asked for. As I am kid, that’s was the only thing that I noticed at the time.

When I got older, I think I was 6th or 7th grade, my mom started telling me that I am not good enough, that I can’t learn something and fix the F grade that I got, I am just not smart enough, so why would I even try, that’s what she would say.

Later, I am 9th grade I think, freshman in high school, I fell in love, with the wrong guy. He didn’t do anything wrong to me, we went out, we clicked, but he wanted secret relationship, and I figured out that he is sitting on two chairs.

I didn’t do nothing beside that I told him that that’s not going to work out and that we can still be friends and hang out. Smart move for someone who is in 9th grade. So, we would go out from time to time, sometimes kiss but, and I remember, after a year of us being friends, hanging out, we were just talking about hickeys, and he wanted to make me one, childish moves but we didn’t do nothing bad.

So you know, my mother always told me as I said that I am not enough beautiful, not enough smart, just not enough. She would tell me and show me in different ways, ways that I am never going to forget.

So that night, I came home, she sees the hickey, she starts freaking out, she called me a slut, a whore, a someone who can’t respect herself, etc. I locked myself in my bathroom crying, so I hear a knock on my door, it’s my dad, she called him and he came to pick me up, so I can move out, because she doesn’t want a slut in her house. My dad packs everything that I need and we leave.

From then to now,  I still live with my father. I do visit my mother and there is not one time that we talked and that she didn’t pull up something that will hurt me. And I’m still the same kid that she traumatized, the kid that is never enough and never will be.

I am insecure, closed, not sociable. I spend my days in my room, on lap top, reading books about perfect life’s and imagining myself away from everything. 

But there is one good thing right now in my life. I met him in History class. He was the first person that would actually drag me out of the house, make me smile from time to time, he was the first one after 3 years of pain to make me feel something, and I don’t know how to feel things, I just shoot off my emotions long time ago.

His name is Nate. I am in love with his smile, his dimples, his hands, the way that he talks and walks, but most of all I am in love with the person that I am when I am with him. And Nate, he is.. He is my best friend. I never told him how I feel; I can’t take to lose one person that actually makes me feel alive.

This is the story about insecure girl and her best friend Nate. Are they going to stay best friends or are they going to became more? Would he be able to deal with her and her problems? Is she ready to accept the fact that she is actually more than ENOUGH for someone?