|FIX ME| Nate Maloley

Chapter 3

It’s 7am and I still can’t fall asleep. Last night I spent thinking and over thinking everything and anything. But what I am thinking about now its school and the fact that tomorrow is Monday which means going back to school and being socially awkward until the weekend. The fact that today is Valentine’s Day and that I will over sleep today doesn’t help either. I close my eyes trying to fall asleep..

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I slowly tried to open my eyes, grabbing my phone to check what time it is. 6 pm? Are you kidding me? Did I really sleep that much? My sleeping schedule is messed up but I still do feel like I am tired and like I could drift a sleep any second. I went to bathroom, washed my teeth, changed into sweatshirt and some black leggings and went downstairs to order pizza. Pizza with only cheese is my absolutely favorite, its Nate’s favorite too. 

30 minutes and pizza is still not here, do you hear my stomach screaming for pizza? It doesn’t even feel like its Valentine’s Day but I feel so sad today, I feel like crying and screaming right now. If you didn’t figure out yet, I do have anxiety attacks from time to time, am I girlfriend material yet? You see, from screaming and crying to sarcastic, in a second. But again, I feel like crying, I really need someone to love me and take care of me.. I want big bear hugs and cuddling and I don’t need Valentine’s gifts, I just need Nate. Tears running down to my face.

And that’s when I hear someone knocking on the door.. “Coming” I yell while I run downstairs. Trying to hide that I cried my eyes out, I don’t want the delivery guy thinking that someone dumped me tonight. I I open the door and there is Nate, with the pizza.. Wide smile on his face.

“What are you doing here Nate?” I asked, confused, wasn’t he supposed to be with his girlfriend right?

“So I wanted to stop by you, and then I saw the delivery guy, paid it and you don’t seem happy to see me?” He said concerned, taking a look of my face. “Were you crying kitten?”

“No.” I said. He didn’t even try to believe me. He just went straight to kitchen leaving me by door.

“Nate, what are you doing here? Were you supposed to like, spend this night with your girlfriend?” I asked.

“No, I am supposed to spend it with you. “ What?

“Nate, explain what’s happening.. “

“You see I broke up with her because I am not love with her, I thought I am but I am not.. “ He said like it was totally normal what he just said.

“What? On Valentine’s Day, what’s wrong with you?” I yelled at him.

“Don’t you yell at me? I wanted to spend it with you and I am here, so deal with it. There is nothing you can do to change it. “He said back, eating slice of my pizza. I just gave him a look and went back to my room, leaving him and pizza in the kitchen. It was harder leaving pizza then him.

I sit on my bed, but I hear him coming to my room so I throw blanket on me because I don’t want to talk..

“Kitten, look at me.. I just wanted to spend it with you okay? I know that maybe it makes you nervous, but there is no need okay?” How does he know that it makes me nervous?

“I was really worried for you, you didn’t answer my text and then I come here and you are crying and..”

“Okay.” I mumbled from the blanket, loud enough for him to hear it.

“That doesn’t mean that you can lay next to me like you are doing right now.. “ I said, small smile escaped my lips.

“Common, I deserve some cuddling tonight.. I will even watch that sappy movie with you tonight.. Note something?” He gave me his baby face, not that I could resist that..

“Notebook. . And yes you will watch it with me.” I said giving him blanket so he can lay down next to me. And thanks God he did bring the pizza because I was starving.  The movie is on, both of us on different sides of bed. I love this movie, I cry from the beginning until the end when I am watching it alone but Nate is here and he doesn’t seem like he is paying attention to the movie, not that I am paying attention because all I do is think about him being so close but too far. I try so hard to focus eyes on the movie and my eyes are full of tears, I am still controlling it but I don’t know how long I could last.

“Are you crying?” He looked at me, and he pressed pause button on TV controller.

“Un pause it, now.. “ I said, not looking at him.,

“No.. Look at me.” He says while his hand travels to my chin making me look at him.. I am ashamed to look at him, so I close my eyes.. “Don’t be ashamed, sometimes you are just too cute..”

“Nate, stop doing that.. “ I said, crossing my arms over my chest.

“What I am doing?” He asked, making me look at him.

“You break up with Leigh, you come here to spend Valentine’s day with your lonely best friend, who doesn’t have life, I don’t want your pity and then you call me cute and you want to cuddle and shit, please.. just leave, please..” I said, covering my eyes with my hands. I am having a panic attack right now.. I can’t pretend that I am okay with him giving me mixed signals..

“You have life, and I am not giving you pity, have you ever thought that I just want to be around you?” He asked. “No.” I said and I ripped blanket from him, covering myself.. I can feel him coming closer to my back, pressing himself against me, and whispering.. “ I am sorry for upsetting you..  “ He said but he still didn’t get an answer from me. So his hands are wrapped around my waist and I am actually enjoying this silence, I calmed down.. I don’t usually react like this around him but mixed signals are not what I appreciate right now. First the Pancake house, then the lollipop and now this.. For me this is a lot and it makes me feel more insecure. For me it looks like he just broke up with his girlfriend and he don’t have anyone so I am good enough just until someone better doesn’t cross his way. I always felt like I am not good enough or just enough and that’s something that I don’t want to feel when I am with him..

“You are enough.. “ he said, placing kisses from my ear down to the neck, making me shiver on his touch. Did I say this out loud or he just knew me so well?

“Nate.” I left one moan.. “Stop..” I said, turning my face to his face..
“What are you doing?” I asked.. He wraps his hand around my west, pressing me against him, looking into his eyes.. “I just want to show you that you are enough, more then enough..” He said placing kiss on my forehead.