"I deserve this." I repeated.
I touched my wrist with the blade. I was hesitant. I sucked in a breath, but still couldn't breathe. This would solve things, I hoped. As I pushed the blade into my skin and dragged it across my wrist and arm, I wanted to shout. I felt like I was going to pass out from the pain.
But I also wanted more.
"I'm unworthy of life." I made a new path, a smile forming on my lips as I watched the blood trickle down my arm.
"What if I end my life? I shouldn't even be here right now." I wanted to cry from the pain by now. My skin was burning and stinging, but I still slid the blade.
"Rainbow Dash?" Fuck. I dropped the blade on my laptop and glanced over at the shut door.
"Are you here..? You didn't show up to school and we were worried."
"Y-Yeah. I'm fine," I replied, looking for something, anything, to clean myself up. I'd have to change my shirt, too. "Just give me a minute."
I stared at myself in the mirror as I cleaned the cuts. I'm nothing.
I grabbed a random shirt out of the closet and changed the shirt that had blood on it. Afterwards, I walked into the living room and stared at Twilight, Pinkie, Rarity, Applejack, and Fluttershy.
"Well?" Applejack crossed her arms and gave me a stern look. She's such a mom. I tensed up at that thought.
"I'm fine. I just... Didn't feel all that well." I replied, and faked a smile.
"You have a bruise on your cheek." Twilight pointed out. Damn it.
"I fell down yesterday."
"And I'm supposed to believe that?"
"Yes. Yes you are because it's true." I couldn't let them know. They'd see me as a monster. They'd hate me for what I've done. They wouldn't want to touch me or be around me anymore.
"Rainbow. You're bleeding."
"Ok. Everyone bleeds, right? Not a big deal." I shrugged it off, cursing under my breath once again.
"No I mean you're bleeding. Badly. Do you have any bandages?" Pinkie took off running in search of bandages after Twilight pointed out the bleeding.
"Found them!" A voice broke the five minute silence. Pinkie came running back into the room, wrapping my arm up. Most of the blood hid the cuts, thank God.
"Must of... Hit my arm on something."
"Yeah. Ok." They stayed awhile and they caught me up with what we did in school that day. They couldn't distract me from the thought of Dad, no, he's not a dad, coming home tonight. What if he breaks the door and repeats what he did last night..? I don't think I'll be able to handle this any longer...
"I bet you're glad you didn't have any homework, huh?" Pinkie grinned and hugged me for the one hundredth time that day.
"Yeah. As glad as I can be..." My voice suddenly sounded weak.
"Are you ok?" Fluttershy finally decided to talk, worry visible in her eyes. I felt my stomach tighten at her voice, and I felt like throwing up. I've never felt like this before. I was confused by the strange feeling.
"I-I am."
"Promise us you'll be at school tomorrow?"
I hesitated with my answer. Would I be alive long enough? My voice cracked, "I.. Can't promise anything."
"Hope you get better." Fluttershy stared at me with that same worried look. Could she see what I'm going through?
~~~~
He didn't come home that night. I stayed up, my mind racing with thoughts and worries. I didn't realize that it was almost time for my alarm to go off.
I got up and held my hand up to my forehead. I sighed at the headache and stared over at the blade I abandoned earlier. I grabbed it and went into the bathroom to take a shower.
I watched the water fall before I stepped into the hot, almost too hot, water. I hissed at the pain, but still smiled. I grabbed the blade again and stared down at the cuts I made. The water made them sting, but it wasn't like when I first cut. It was more of a numbed feeling.
"Glad to see you again." I muttered under my breath before I pushed the blade into my skin. I cut deeper than I did earlier and found the pain relieving this time. The tears still clouded my vision, and it still burned, but every cut I made... It seemed as if I was becoming numb to the feeling.
"Dash? Can you try to hurry?" Scootaloo's voice startled me and I dropped the blade.
"Uh.. Yeah. Just... Give me a second." I hurried to wash the blood and find bandages.
I stared at myself in the mirror for a second, tears threatening to fall.
"Goodbye. I won't be here much longer."
*******
I've been doing a lot better and I'm much happier than I was. Thanks for the support it really, really means a lot. <3 - Tommie
We're probably going to write something special as an add on for 'Scars' for Valentine's Day! It depends on how busy we are, much we're trying. Thanks for reading!
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~Tommie & Lynzie
