Oikawa's Last Wishes

Chapter 4

Oikawa looked frail and weak... but beautiful. He always had been. In strength and in weakness, Iwaizumi acknowledged that he had always made it beautiful, even when he never told him so.

He stopped by the door, unsure if he should walk in because Oikawa was sitting on his bed, back slumped, hands listlessly placed in front of him, head turned towards the window. He was paler and thinner than the first time he remembered him sitting on his hospital bed.

They were in college, Oikawa went home for summer while Iwaizumi stayed in Tokyo for his summer internship when he received a call from Mattsun who also went home that summer. Oikawa collapsed and was taken to the hospital.

He took the next bus to Miyagi as soon as he heard... only to find Oikawa sitting on the bed, grinning at him and teasing that he worries too much.

He slowly pushed the door open but Oikawa didn't budge--too lost in his thoughts to notice him enter. He didn't say anything and just stood there in silence, observing him.

He looked smaller now, he was sure that if they stood side by side, he would be taller than him. His brown hair was mussed up and his heart ached because Oikawa cared so much about his hair that even on bad days, he made sure his hair was perfect. His hands were dry and bony and pale... just like the rest of him is. But in between those fingers, a slightly crumpled note was held.

His heart just flip-flopped and his brain stopped functioning and the fear that he almost lost him suddenly became too real.

He opened his mouth to call his name and get his attention. But what was supposed to be a 'Oi Shittykawa' suddenly became... "I love you."

A sudden gasp. Then wide brown eyes turned to him again. "Iwa-chan?" His name slipped out of those dry, cracked lips... and in two huge steps, Iwaizumi grabbed Oikawa's hand and pulled him close to his chest in a tight and awkward embrace.

He breathed in his scent... a mixture of disinfectant, a collection of drugs and the sweet smell of just Oikawa . He filled his lungs with this addictive scent and when he thought he couldn't get enough, he felt the other guy melt into him.

Hands circled his back, slowly and weakly... face burying at the crook of his neck. When he felt a wetness on his shoulder, he realized Oikawa was crying. In panic, he pulled away, holding him at arm's length, "What's wrong? Does it hurt anywhere?"

Oikawa shook his head, hands covering half his face as tears and snot streamed down in disgusting yet adorable rivulets. "I just..." he choked, "I just thought you'd never..." he took a couple of deep, painful breaths, "I just love you so much."

Iwaizumi stared at him... just stared and saw all of him . With his annoyingly perfect bedhead, the adorably ugly cry face and those eyes glistening with tears that simply wouldn't stop. And god, how did he miss it?

Oikawa Tooru was beautiful because he would never, for the love of him, think he could be anything else but beautiful.

That night, when he kissed Oikawa, he wasn't nearly drunk enough as an excuse. He had no excuse except he always wondered what it would like to kiss Oikawa.

"Iwa-chan... I'm dying." Oikawa cried, "It's unfair... for you."

"What is?"