Song: Clout by Offset and Cardi B
Have no idea how it relates but.....
Dear Future Brenda,
I, young Brenda of 15 years old write this letter very soberly to you, Brenda of 21 years old or older in the presence of my two very sober best friends Maddie and Tabitha because we are all losers and have nothing better to do on the night of prom but prank call a supermarket to sell us tequilas which we have been downing for the last 4 hours but don't fret babes, we are sober as a nun.
Its already very clear that I am a loser as a kid with a boring life and an old ass name that no one wants to bear anymore and I've literally visualised my future and blessed it that it may be full of better things but its really up to you Brendy..... First of all, I'd really appreciate it if you could change our fucking name to Ashley or Elodi or Hailey or anything else that doesn't sound like an old lady that plays bingo and knits in a house full of older ladies or worse, cats.
My young life was full of boring, unadventurous shit and I'd hate for that shit to happen in the future so therefore, I soberly agreed to offer -my first born child as well as my sexuality by turning gay which I would never do and also a million dollars which I may also never have in my bank account - if and only if, I do not do whatever I write on this letter starting now......
On the 6th of November just like today, you must in your very sober state of mind, visit a badass strip club with loud music, deep blue lighting and activities that could convert a nun. You must One Night Stand a green eyed, rich ass, sexy ass, bad ass British dude with long ass dark brown hair, overpowering charisma and lots and lots and lots of Kevin Paul tattoos of mermaids, butterflies and stuffs that makes no sense to people that like to be normal but makes every goddamn sense to me.
Future Brenda please do everything in your power to destroy every form of romantic relationship between Tabby and Maddie because then I'm pretty sure they end up together, I'd be lonely and stuck stapling papers and stamping slips at my mothers firm, wearing long black work skirt and awful long sleeve tops with collars, buttons and sleeves.
This should be all.....ouuuu.....Please be freaking funky and change the color of our boring hair, get a damn tattoo and some piercings too baby doll, life's too short to be so fucking unsexy.
All hope lies on you Future Brenda and hopefully Hailey or Ashley. I love you so damn much.
FYI, mom and step dad would be a handful so good luck, baby
Love,
15 year old Brenda.
I'll continue this if y'all like it. Please vote and comment and share too
YOU ARE READING
NO STAMP
RomanceOne dumbass letter changed the direction of my life. Innocent, Respectful, Uptight Brenda, sent a letter without a stamp. Needless to say, it was the only ticket she needed to one crazy rollercoaster ride. 📛📛📛Mature content📛📛📛
