All the pretty stars ~(hp)

Chapter 1.

"ARWENA, I SWEAR TO MERLIN, IF YOU DON'T COME DOWN IN THREE SECONDS-" I hear my father shouting from the kitchen as he's probably really mad at me for some stupid thing again, something like not doing tasks he -as a grown man- should be doing. But no, thank you, Sirius Black is perfectly fine with staying his dumb, irresponsible teenager self, while swiping things under the rug and letting other people deal with the consequences. Sometimes I really hate that about him. "My god, Padfoot, shut it" Remus says annoyed, he just arrived home. If he wasn't helping me with my idiot dad, I would've already kicked his ass. Well, maybe sometimes I still do. But for sure I take action on it much less often when he's here to calm us down. Somehow his presence just brings peace into every room he enters.

Not really worrying about being late, I slowly get up and wander out of my room, climb down the ladder that connects my room -in the attic- with the second floor of the house, then slide down the rails of the spiral staircase, arriving into the corridor, meeting Remus's exhausted face. I jump down and grin as he tumbles my hair, smiling and asking his usual questions such as "Did you eat today?" or "Do you need help with housework?" and even though my answer is always something that's falsely assuring him that I'm all okay and I can handle my life alone, deep down I'm also tired. But I know he has much larger responsibilities than solving a teenage girl's everyday problems, for example solving her not-so-mature father's problems. Yeah, that's, kind of a bigger deal. I'm used to it, but I know Remus looks at me like I was his own daughter, and I'm so thankful that he brought some balance into our life and shows me a real father figure.

"Can I help YOU with anything?" I ask politely, and I actually mean it, he seems to be in an even worse mood than usual. The last few days were rough, he was away because of the full moon and understandable enough, he's always drained after this time. We always joke about how we both have our own "hard days of the month", if you know what I mean. Sadly, chocolate doesn't really help him through it, like it does with me. While he always keeps some in his pockets waiting for me, the most I can do for him is helping him as much as I can after he returns so he can rest. "I'll be fine darling, I just have a headache.." he's trying to cover something that I can only discover in his eyes, something like worry. He's a good actor, I must say, but I know him for long enough that he cannot fool me easily. I want to ask him something, but I don't really know what exactly just yet, and Sirius steps into the room, perfect timing to carry the conversation to a different topic, right before we could even get into it. Maybe there wasn't that big of a problem anyway, so my thoughts change as the energy instantly lifts and my dad goes "Moony! Finally.." he smirks happily and steps closer to him, welcoming him home with the warmest hug.

My dad is a great hugger by the way. He used to cuddle me when I was little and couldn't fall asleep after my mother left us. Leaving a four year-old behind was still cruel, even though I understand why she's done it, it  must've been hard seeing my father, his dear husband, the love of his life realise he's not in love with her anymore. Maybe he never was, and I think my mom also considered that. I just don't understand why she chose to leave alone. My father always stated he wanted it that way, that he wanted his little sparkle by his side, that he wanted to raise me and keep me safe forever, but he doesn't know till this day, that I overheard one of his late night conversations with Remus a few years ago.

I stand outside the living room (having my usual nightmares, searching for their safety), listening to their chit-chat landing on a more serious topic. I've never heard them talking about this before, not in this tone and it scares me. I instantly forget why I even came here and I get anxious as they're turning the volume of their voice down. I need to step closer to the oak door frame in order to hear them, and I lean against the wall that's covered with old, dark red silk wallpaper, black roses printed on it. They're almost invisible from the dust that's been sitting on them for the past decades, but not being able to see them doesn't really bother me, especially not in this very moment, when the biggest secrets of my life could be exposed. I hold my breath as I hear my dad.

"Fuck it, I can't do this. I wasn't ready for fatherhood, I wish 'Deena would've just taken her with herself. Do you understand-" he's whining, I can hear his voice shaking towards the end, but Remus cuts his words. "Sirius, we've talked about this. I'm here and I'm going to help the both of you out. Now please, put the glass down." his voice is strong, but somehow soothing at the same time. My father only listens to him. "Adeena... You broke her heart, we have to admit that. I know you can't control your feelings, but you have to understand that it hurt her a lot. And yes, it's her fault that she didn't search for her daughter since then, but maybe it's your karma, you were put into this situation and you need to learn how to deal with it. I'm here, and I'll be here for as long as I can, but please don't make it harder for Arwena. She's still so little..." I peak a look into the place, but just as I do so -while Sirius is still complaining on the verge of tears, probably as a side effect from the consumed alcohol-, Remus turns his head towards where I'm standing and his face expression freezes instantly. I know I shouldn't have heard a single word of their talk, and I disappear from his sight as fast as I can. Thank god my father is so slowed down he didn't even notice anything happening in the past five seconds, but as I run upstairs, my legs are shaking. I can hear Remus talking while he lays Sirius down on one of the big sofas in the living room. After he's tucked him in, the stairs' loud creaking reveals that he's coming after me now. I jump into my bed and pretend that I'm sleeping by pulling the blanket up to my face. I really hope I can get away just like that, but he steps into my room and sits down at the end of my bed. I don't move, I can't see his face but I can feel him struggling to find the words. He's playing with the edge of my blanket, and after what feels like hours, he finally lets out a long, worried (maybe even sad) sigh.

"I know you're not sleeping, please look at me" his voice is raspy, but not harsh by any means, yet I feel a mix between fright and anger as soon as he starts speaking to me. I don't react, my eyes are shut tight so he stands up and as the bed lifts after it's freed from his weight and I open my eyes, he's already crouched in front of me at my bedside table, holding onto its edge and trying to make eye contact but I look away. He is getting a little impatient and reaches for my chin to turn my head towards him. His hand is soft, and I am already melted at the fact that he cares about me (finally, someone) enough to not give up on trying to break the ice. I can't be angry at him, ever. I finally look into his eyes and I see such regret that I almost immediately burst into tears and want to give him a hug. But instead, I bite my lip so hard that I can remain cold and collect all my disappointment towards my parents to take it out on the first person I encounter. And that's Remus Lupin at the moment, who deserves it the least.

"Leave me alone" I say and my voice sounds so unfamiliar that even I am left surprised. He looks down, snuffs, then, when I turn my body away from him, he lays down behind me and pulls a little part of the blanket on himself. His warm arms suddenly wrap around me and I can't hold it back anymore, I turn to him and hold my head so close to his chest that all of my tears are drowned in his shirt. He's stroking my hair slowly and constantly whispering until I calm down which takes about forever, but he's holding tightly onto me. The first person who ever did. "One day you'll understand why he's like this. He didn't mean it as you probably think, he's just scared of screwing something up. He loves you dearly, my darling. Everything's okay." He keeps me in his warmness and safety until I finally fall asleep and my emotions feel like a big bubble floating away in the sky.

As I'm standing behind Remus, my dad's head is on his shoulder as he's holding him so I'm staring at his features. The look on his face now is the exact same as back then when he greeted me for breakfast the next day, by then he sobered up, appearing so innocent and happy, but ever since I know what he hides behind it, I can't believe him, even if he hasn't been lying to me since then, even if he made peace with the whole situation, and even if he genuinely loves and cares for me. I know Remus wouldn't tell me even if it was otherwise, he truly puts me and my feelings first, so all I can do is pretend. Pretend to not know about my father's play, and just play along, be a part of the lie we call family. Pretend to smile, pretend to laugh with him, and pretend not being eternally scared of him leaving me.