Every day is so miserable. My mind is so full of thought and I don't know what to do with them. I don't trust anyone with what I am thinking. I feel like people will take it the wrong way. Some people say I always look so sad. When I'm in school some people come up to me and ask me if I'm ok. All the time I give the same answers every time. I'm fine. When I'm walking I get weird looks because I always look so tired. I mean if I went to the airport they will charge for the eye bags.
Sometimes I feel like giving up. Not like giving up on something normal. Really giving up on myself you know. I feel like... like... a rock THAT'S IT I FEEL LIKE A ROCK. I HAVE BEEN THINKING ABOUT HOW I FELT FOR ABOUT TWO FUCKING YEARS AND I FINALLY FIGURED IT OUT. with all of the thoughts going in my head i haven't been able to focus on one specific thing now that i think about it. What goes in my mind is kind of a paradox. I think about how many thoughts are in my head. Really I never tried to clear my mind. Maybe I should try that. I don't have the time for that.
There's a voice and it's loud. It keeps getting louder AND FUCKING LOUDER. I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO FUCKING DO I FELL LIKE SCREAMING. MY FUCKING HEAD WANTS TO FUCKING SCREAM. ALTHOUGH THERE IS ANOTHER FUCKING VOICE THAT SAYS TO FUCKING STAY SILENT. BOTH VOICES ARE TALKING AND THEY WON'T SHUT UP. SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP JUST SHUT UP PLEASE.
I made it stop. All thought now my wrist hurts but not as much as you may think. Now I'm looking at the bandages and the razor. I feel happy that I did it. I feel at peace that I was able to stop the voices. Shit, I have school tomorrow I have to cover the scars up no one needs to know. Right.
So wore gloves to mask the scars and they worked. My school actually loves for us to look out of place. Enough of that that I'm really happy about is that the voices stopped. Also if they come back I know how to stop them. ALthough there's a really silent voice it's not annoying like the two loud ones so it does not bother me as much. Yet it just keeps saying the same thing over and over again. Just die. Die die Die die Die die Die die Die die Die die Die die Die die Die die Die die Die die Die die Die die Die die Die die Die die Die die Die die Die die Die die Die die Die die Die die Die die Die die Die die Die die Die. it just keeps saying that. It's getting louder Die to die Die die Die die Die die Die die Die die Die die Die die Die die Die die Die die Die die Die die Die die Die die Die die Die die Die die Die die Die die Die die. It's FUCKING HAPPENING AGAIN. THE VOICES THE FUCKING VOICES. DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE. WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY. I'm so tired.
Words 748
aleiya kate
YOU ARE READING
in my mind
RandomTRIGGER WARNING: CUTTING, THOUGHTS OF SUICIDE, EATING DISORTOR. ETC this is about a young girl who is going through something but does not know what. I'm a new writer so go easy on me thanks
