you didn't want me to fall in love with you
but i didn't listen like i should have
I was barely awake when you opened the door and said goodbye. You hardly ever stayed 'til morning and when I asked you about it a few times before, you only shrugged. I opened the window to watch you as you go, the cold breeze filling the emptiness in the room. I wrapped my arms around myself to keep me from shivering.
Our anniversary was coming up later in the week. We made plans to have dinner and watch a movie, something foreign because you couldn't bear sitting through the latest blockbuster. You knew I was looking forward to it all month — our first proper date and we had premiere tickets. But why was I feeling like I was the only one excited?
We were having lunch in your car and I wanted to ask you about what happened this morning. It was like that with you lately, you've become distant and quiet. We used to stay up all night talking, cuddling, and now I'm not sure what happened. You've become someone completely different from the boy I fell in love with.
"I just want you to be there when I wake up in the morning." I sighed.
"I know, I'm sorry I left so early. Can we just not talk about it anymore? I promise I'll make it up to you."
He tucked a loose strand of hair behind my ear and kissed my forehead.
"Okay." I smiled but it didn't quite reach my eyes.
You said, "You're good at smiling like nothing is wrong."
And you're good at lying with a smile, I thought.
It was like a routine with you and I no longer felt like a part of it. You were slowly distancing yourself from me. I was just too late to realize it. You were a lost cause I wasted time trying to save.
