November 28, 2020 (Saturday Afternoon)
"Is anybody available out there to listen to my thoughts and complaints about life? Because you know what, I'm in the stage where my life really sucks and I can't even seem to see beautiful things around me at the moment. And I feel like I'm always alone. (Your such an idiot dude!) And why is that? (Duh! You have never felt being not alone.) Ow, Hahaha! Yeah right, I never really felt that kind of feeling in my 18 years of existence in this world. That's why I keep on talking to myself because I don't even know where my friends are, whenever I needed them the most. (Do you even have friends?) Ow...dude that question really sucks. (It's not a question it's called a sarcasm duh!)
Whatever... I just want to organize my thoughts and life but I can't even really seem to organize it because I don't really even know where to start. Because I have so many thoughts that I think I should really not have yet in my age, but I'm thankful sometimes that I'm thinking about these serious stuffs. But seriously it's stressing me most of the time including the fact that I'm just always at home doing modules and sometimes online classes and school gathering due to corona virus.
In short, I have no one to talk to about these stuffs in my head because my mother is two town away with my little sister due to her work. While my oldest sister and brother are not home too, since they have their own work. So, I'm just with my 13 years old younger brother, whom I can't really talk to about these stuffs because he's still way too much immature in his age. And he's also causing me headache and more stress, whenever I'm teaching him in his modules, but he won't really listen to me even though I keep on telling him that he should finish his modules. Because there's just two days left before the deadline. And my four years old youngest brother is with my mother's first cousin uncle Joel and his wife. And if your curious if where's my father he died three years ago on 4th of July just 13 days before his 44th birthday due to carjack arrest.
My older brother told me how our late father died since I was not home at that time because I was currently living in the house of number 1 board member's parents in- law of our province at that time cause I was one of their scholar and I needed to live in their house for my parents not to worry about my transportation money and allowance. Since their house is located in a subdivision which is just about a 5 minutes walking distance from the public school that I'm attending at that time.
He said that our father can't sleep that night because he keeps on coughing and moving so is my older brother. Because my father, mother and 3 younger siblings was currently living in our small camp made of wood and a bamboo that is weave together that servers as a wall (called sawali in our province) at that time to take care of our garden chayote and ginger. And my older brother stopped going to college at that time because we were really financially struggling so my father said that he should just help in maintaining the chayote.
So, my father, oldest brother, younger brother, younger sister, mother and our still baby brother sleep in that tiny camp and I remember that there's a lot of hole in the roof (Bubong) that's why some of the rain drops was probably falling inside because the rain was really heavy that night even in the town that I was in.
And then, my older brother said that it was strange that he can't hear coughing and feel our late father moving anymore and then a strange sound was then can be heard from our late father. He said that our late father was desperately gasping out for air with a strange sound coming from him. So, my older brother woke up and he applied CPR to our late father immediately, but he said that it was not working so he even punched our late father in the chest in order for his heart to beat again.
And even if she ran, the nearest house would be 14-18 minutes away since the location is in a mountain and the path is really terrible and that area is far from the houses because that huge and large mountains only belongs to my father's ancestors. But half of it was already taken by the family who was married to my father's aunt.
