Ink on Paper, Words on the Wind (Ivarr x Eivor)

01

Eivor did not write often.
He could of course but in his line of work it wasn't required all too often and if it was, he'd rather ask Randvi to help him than do it himself.
But this letter he wrote himself, with his own hand because he didn't trust anyone but the paper and its recipient with the words that he would put there.
Because those words were meant for no one else.

The whole journey from Repton he had spent thinking of how to put his feelings into something as compact as letters and words, had searched for the right expressions deep inside his heart, just as Alvis had taught him.

He had started, then started anew, had told them to Synin while his loyal companion watched him with doubtful black eyes.
Finally, late that night as he had been watching the fireflies circling around the waterfall back home in Ravensthorpe, the words had come. Eivor hurried back to his room, hastily greeting Mouse, who was waiting by his bed, before setting to work.
But as soon as blue eyes fell on the blank page in front of him, it was as though the words were carried away by a storm.
Eivor sighed in frustration, leaning his head back and closing his eyes.

He wondered how the skalds did it, singing about feelings far beyond what words could express, far beyond what a mind that had never experienced this feeling could grasp.
Words could never hope to match the complexity, the intensity of something as abstract and unique as love.
And so Eivor tried with images, tried giving life and color to the black ink.

He picked up his feather and wrote.
He wrote of Helheim's bright fire to describe the burning passion inside of him.
Used the blinding pain of a thosand blades piercing his flesh and leaving a trail of deep red on his skin to describe the longing he felt.
Not even the Northern Lights with their breathtaking greens and blues could compare to Ivarr's beauty, to what Eivor felt when he looked at him.

The drengr looked down at the paper, watching as the ink shimmered in the candlelight. It was still only black, without heartbeat, without meaning.
For a moment he waited, willing the ink to take shape but of course nothing happened and with another sigh, he blew out the candles.

Eivor could not sleep that night, instead spending it tossing and turning in his bed. Not even when Mouse joined him, nudging him gently before curling up against Eivor's side, could he find rest.

Without you by my side every night feels like an eternity.

He added when the weak sunlight started pouring in from outside.

Eivor spent his day trying to distract himself with helping around the settlement. He went fishing, helped Rowan train the horses and joined Petra when she went out hunting but no matter how much he worked, Ivarr did not leave his thoughts.

When he returned to his room late that evening, he looked at the paper once more.

And every day is torture.

The next morning was even harder than the first but Eivor kept himself from writing down anything else, trying once more not to think about Ivarr even though that seemed as impossible a task as trying to move one of the huge mountains back home in Norway.
He did not want to forget the Dane, no.
He wanted to look into his eyes, a greenish blue like the aquamarine Octavian had shown him.
He wanted to run a hand through his hair, dark and soft, much like smoke and ash.
He wanted to kiss his lips and whisper more meaningless words to him while the Dane just rolled his eyes at him with a smirk on his face.

Eivor shook his head to chase those thoughts away, once more trying to busy himself with other things.

That night he dreamt of Ivarr, of drinking with him, the Dane leaning heavily against Eivor as they laughed about nothing.
He dreamt of kissing him for the first time, their lips bloody from the battle they had just fought and won.
He dreamt of falling asleep next to him, Ivarr's lean body fitting against his own like they had never been whole without one another.

Eivor woke with a cold emptiness in his heart.

Without you by my side I might as well be dying.

He watched as Hati chased Mani across the sky every night, growing a little colder, a little more lifeless each time.
That was the true nature of love.
It was the greatest joy and the sweetest sorrow.

Then one day, after his thoughts had kept him from any work, Eivor decided to follow his heart before it broke through the cage of his ribs on its own.
With the letter in his pocket, he rode towards the setting sun.

By the time he reached Repton, the stars stood high in the dark nightsky, the moon that had accompanied him on his journey still looking down on him.
He could feel the eyes of the guards on him as he wandered through the streets but he paid them no mind.
He was focused only on finding Ivarr so that the Dane might mend his heart, stitch closed the gaping wound that the distance between them had put there.
But now that he was so close he felt like a fool.
Eivor had traveled all this way just for a feeling that might not even be reciprocated. Maybe he was nothing more to Ivarr than another man that hed taken him to his bed, maybe to him he was nothing more than something to still his hunger.
But as much as he wished to turn back, he found that his feet would only carry him forward.

Eivor found him eventually, sitting alone by the bonfire as he sharpened his axe.
Ivarr did not seem surprised to see him, his usual smirk on his face when he recognized Eivor.
But when the taller man pulled him up and into a passionate kiss without as much as uttering a word, his blue eyes widened for a second before he returned the gesture, his axe falling to the ground as his hands settled on Eivor's shoulders.
The other dropped the letter he had been holding into the flames, then his hands found their way onto Ivarr's hips so he could pull him closer.
No, words would never be enough to describe what the Dane made him feel.

They pulled away to catch their breaths, foreheads touching together as they lingered in their embrace.
The fire crackled next to them as sparks rose skyward, where they joined the silver stars.
This very moment felt like this heaven Eivor always heard the Christians talking about.
"Back so soon?", Ivarr asked, a teasing tone in his voice.
"I could not stay away any longer", Eivor replied, still a little breathless as his lips found Ivarr's again.
The Dane chuckled.
"Eager are we?"
But Eivor was already pulling him towards the longhouse, all doubts forgotten when Ivarr followed.

Soon the paper was gone, eaten by the hungry flames. Maybe that was a better description of love than the ink on it.

But with you in my arms, the sun shines brighter and Midgard seems as colorful as Bifröst itself.
With you in my arms I live once more.