Vodka & cigarettes

chapter 4

Hero

Me and Catarina are still standing on the same place, we haven't moved and so didn't our minds, well mine did a bit. I want to kiss her, I want to touch her and feel her, I wanna make her feel loved and happy, but I just can't break her heart. I can't ruin her and I can't hurt her. I also can't tell her that if she lets me kiss her now that I probably will break her heart because I am selfish, I am stubborn and I do a lots of things that I then regret. Am I proud of that? No, not at all. Can I change that? No, not at all.

"Hero, I" her soft voice snaps me out of my thoughts and I look at her deep brown eyes trying to read them like a book. Her lips are part open and our breaths are completely synchronized. We stare at each other's eyes u waiting for her to get the bravery to talk, but instead I just grab her chin, close my eyes and press her plump lips against mine. Feeling her in this way seems like a completely dream come true to me, i can feel her skin getting warmer and I can even feel her breath against my lips. We are kissing softly, but full of passion without any roughness.

Catarina is not like every other girl I have met. She doesn't want just dick. She doesn't want just body. She is soft and precious and innocent and I want to keep her like that. She doesn't deserve to get heartbroken by me, but I just can't help it but be by her side because I want her so much. This is something new to me, but I like it and I need it. When we pull away from our kiss her eyelashes slowly reveal her shiny eyes and now they softly smile at me. Is this what she wanted too? I didn't force her on kissing me? My insecure thoughts ask me, but I try to brush them away. "Thank you" she whispers with her lips more plump than the usual as we both smile. "I have an idea" I say smiling and she looks at me with the same amount of excitement as I have. "I'm gonna pick you and buy you a random book" I close my eyes and grab a random book from the bookshelf.  "And you gotta read it and tell me your opinion" I hand her the book and she chuckles. "You got me Wuthering Heights" she says looking at the book entertained and I nod my head smiling at her. "Did you ever read it?" I ask and she shakes her head. "No, I wanted to tho, I heard it's amazing, I just never really got the opportunity to read it, but now I'm really excited to read it, thank you" she hugs the book smiling and my heart immediately gets warm. A huge goal was to make her happy and I proudly did it.

I pay the book and we made our way outside of the library. I hope any of the people there stared at us while we were in our moment, but when I think better, I don't give a fuck. Me and Catarina spend some more time talking and walking through the city, we get to know each other more and more and honestly the time with her is so amazing. We only separate when it's the time for her to go to her classes. We say goodbye to each other on the porch of her house, I give her a quick forehead kiss before driving away in my car.