𝕋ouch 𝕊tarved

𝕁𝕆𝔹 𝕀ℕ𝕋𝔼ℝ𝕍𝕀𝔼𝕎

Description: job interview gone to shit

TW: FLASH BACKS, PTSD, MENTION OF RAPE

A/N - happy holidays!Words: 1494
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I rub my hand over my face, thoughts of the conversation with corpse last night, how sad he sounded, how desperate he was to get me home, how I hung up before I could tell him, before I could get him to understand, all made me ache to go back to hold him to tell him how sorry I was. I pinch the bridge of my nose and adjust my tie clearly not ready to do anything productive, "nervous?" Shoes had appeared in my line of sight, obstructing my view of the floor, I feel my heart stop. the voice distant yet so familiar, it made the hair on the back of my neck stand "your turn son" I couldn't look up, my breath coming out in short puffs, I felt tears come to my eyes as his voice registers in my mind, "you ok kiddo" the phrase bounced around in my brain striking up memories and quieting my previous thoughts, all of a sudden I couldn't feel anything, my hands shook as I laid my folder to the side "I'm fine" my voice wavered I couldn't get it to go above a whisper, my eyes stay glued to his shoes moving lower as the he kneels to eye level "now, that's no way to treat a future superior much less your uncle" I could feel his grin, my brain screamed at me to get out, to run until I couldn't breathe, to get away from him as his fingers gripped my chin, forcing eye contact, his blue eyes struck memories, flashes of him moving over me, flashes of him holding me down, his hands bruising prints onto my wrists, tears formed in my eyes as he laughed "so exited to be working with family!" He maneuvered me into a standing position and stood back as if admiring me, the thought made me sick and the way his eyes moved around my frame had him licking his lips all but made me sicker "common kiddo, don't you want a job" he sounded exited, way too excited for someone who should have still been in prison, his hands waved wildly as he excitedly explained the job I was supposed to be doing before stopping and suddenly turning to face me "you should come over for dinner" he smiled and reached his hand to pat my shoulder, clearly ignoring the way I jerked away from him "your aunt and cousins will be so exited" he tugged on my shoulder pulling me forward and slipped his hand down to rest on my lower back and leaned into me breathing down the side of my neck, my head twitched involuntarily and knocked his softly "your cousins miss there favorite relative" he backed away from my ear as tears started to fall down my cheeks, he frowned and stood in front of me using his thumbs to wipe the tears from my face, letting his hands rest on my cheeks then slip down to my shoulders and pushed me into the chair in front of his desk "you know if you want a job crying isn't going to get you anywhere" he hummed and shook his head "not with me it isn't" he held his hand out waiting for me to hand him the folder I had left in the waiting room "aww did you forget them outside" he pouted before frowning "go get them" he pointed to the door and raised his eyebrows as I slowly stood up feeling like a robot and turned from his office, my mind never leaving his voice or how he talked to me, leaving the documents I walked out of the building and ran down a few blocks before stopping to catch my breath when I had reached the street my hotel was on, realizing I was cold because I had left my jacket back at the office, I curse at myself for being so stupid but pushed on walking telling myself that I had to get to the hotel before I could do anything.

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Once I had gotten to my warm room I pulled off the tie and unbuttoned the stiff collared shirt as I sat in an isolated chair in the corner of the room and pulled out my phone to check if I had any new messages specifically hoping there were some from corpse, I pushed down the thought as I unlocked my phone and opened up the messenger app there were a couple from corpse and some from my uncle, I rolled my eyes and stared at corpses name the little puppy emoji at the end was not helping my sour mood, I sighed and tapped his name opening up the one sided conversation;

To: y/n
From: corpse🐶
Please come home 4hr
Read

To: y/n
From: corpse🐶
I don't regret
anything I said 3hr
Read

To: y/n
From: corpse🐶
I still love you 1hr
   Read

God damnit, I pinched the bridge of my nose not doing a very good job at keeping my tears at bay, I didn't know what to do, I didn't know how to tell him that I can't love him like that, that he's a friend and I don't know how to love people. I pressed the off button not bothering to exit out of our conversation or open up the messages from my uncle and put my phone back into my pocket, I sat back in the chair leaning my head back and closed my eyes to think about what my uncle had said, he had told me his address and he had told me my cousins missed me, and in all truthfulness I had missed them too, the little assholes had never failed to make me feel better when I was younger, should anything had changed since a couple years would be unusual, I shook my head, convinced I was going insane, I couldn't look my uncle in the eye much less eat dinner with him and his wife.

I looked down at my hands eyeing the scabbed over scratch where my knuckle had collided with corpses face, I had done a lot of fucked up things but I had never punched someone I loved. Someone I cared about. I had never punched someone I cared about, I corrected myself not wanting to start something in my head,

I lifted my fingers flexing my knuckles before the chipped black nail polish caught my eye, corpse had painted my nails a couple days before I left, before Id punched him, he was so happy when I had offered my own hands to him his nails had already dried and corpse with nothing to do is not a force to be reckoned with, so before he got up from the couch to cause something within the house I looked over at him as casually as I could and asked him to paint my nails, the look on his face was something that I could never forget like a child getting a puppy for Christmas, it was rare for him to smile like that, he had grabbed my hand excitedly and the entire time he had my hands he was blushing and making sure I was okay with what he was doing "is this good?" "Is it ok if I put your hand here" "are you sure you like it" "did I mess up there" and every time I had said I was fine and it was fine not wanting him to stop touching my starved skin, the entire time I had said I was fine but I was better than fine, a little confused at what I was feeling but never afraid to back down from something I liked, I couldn't tell if I liked the cold feeling of the nail polish sweeping over my nail for the first time or the careful way corpse had held my fingers up to his face so he could get it perfect, and I couldn't tell you what made my stomach fill with butterflies, the fact that both him and I liked the way nail polish looked on me or if it were corpse letting me rest my hands on his warm thighs, I smiled at the memory of corpse nonchalantly setting my hand down on his upper thigh to move to the other one causing me to move closer and prop my knee up on his, when he looked down at what I was doing he had felt the pressure on his leg and immediately turned red, he had moved my hand to my own thigh and smacked my arm when I had laughed at him. The longer I had thought about that day, about how warm everything felt how my skin loved the attention and how I anticipated his hands on mine the more I realized that I had to tell him I think I loved him too.