Dark Hour

Part 11

I washed my bowl quietly and waited for Lucky to go to his new job. He was now a store assistant at the deli down the road. I dried the bowl and put it back on its shelf. I turned around and leant against the bench. Why wasn't Lucky gone yet? He stood up and put his plate on the counter. He looked at me and opened his mouth, but then shut it, thinking of the better.

"Bye." He muttered.

Then he was gone.

I ran up to my room and pulled out the wreath Apollo had made me three days ago. It was falling to bits and soon would be dead. I put it near my face and smelt the faint nectar scent from the faded pink flowers. I couldn't stop thinking about his face as I proclaimed I wanted to leave, I remembered what I had thought when Tiffany said that Apollo would've wanted us to be friends; I hadn't wanted to hurt his feelings so I'd agreed to be her friend.

I remembered the last thing he said to me before taking me home;

"I feel our love infection."

Was that just a coincidence that that was the way I had described our love too? Could he've read the poem from my mother as well? I couldn't imagine what he was going through. Was he angry? Angry that he trusted me with his heart? Angry that he wasn't capable of loving anyone without it destroying him at the end? Maybe he was sad. Sad that I was no longer in his life, that I wasn't there too make a joke of his mishaps or to kiss him when he was sad. Like now.

I shouldn't have left. But I did.

I left because of something that scared me. It was too much change. I could've married him. I should've married him. I wanted to marry him. But I didn't. Why? I have no idea, he was my love. The one person who captured my heart. I felt like I should do something. But I never knew where he lived. I couldn't Ghost jump, I couldn't see him. He couldn't see me. A love infection. A tragic end to the perfect beginning. A stormy overcast that effects everyone's mood just because of its existence. That's what I am. A storm cloud, waiting to dump my problems on whatever town, city or state I felt like. I was unwanted. But Apollo was the town in the middle of the desert. The one place that needed rain, that needed a little problem just to live. That was Apollo. It was like we fit perfectly together. Like two pieces of a jig-saw puzzle.

I put the wreath back in the drawer and lay down on my grey doona. After listening to the rain tapping against the window I fell asleep fully dressed with tear stains on my colourless cheeks. . .

I looked around at the forest all about me. They were evergreen trees. I felt a tug on my arm and saw Apollo pulling me into the heart of the forest. I let him. It was a simple decision, I would go anywhere with Apollo. He pulled me into a cave and into a hole at the back of it. We crawled through and on the other side was a flat pool of water. Apollo jumped in with no hesitation. I didn't follow. But didn't you just proclaim that you would follow him anywhere? I saw a flash of gold and screamed I jumped in and pulled Apollo to the surface. We swam to the edge and both sat as far away from the pool as possible. Apollo looked at me.

"That was close. Anything of pure gold can kill me if stabbed through my heart."

Stabbed through my heart.

Through my heart.

My heart. . .

I sat up with sweat pooling everywhere possible. I had just dreamed, no I can't think about that right now. I can't think about it ever. He was already dead. Wasn't he? I remembered what he'd said;

"My soul is still in me, just not my life force."

Gold could destroy his soul? I guess that could work, one type of beauty would tear down another. I looked around and saw the sky. I raced down stairs and saw Lucky hovering over a pot of two minute noodles. He saw me and smiled.

"I was just making myself some dinner."

I looked at him and stirred the yellow noodles.

"You should've woken me up." I accused.

Lucky's face fell. "It was the most peaceful I'd ever seen you ever since. . ." He trailed off, not knowing exactly what he was implying. I felt tears fall down my face and land in the bubbling water. I knew now that what I'd done was a mistake. I'd run away from something that held no fear in it. I was scared of an illusion.

I wiped away my salty tears and sniffed the pot.

"They're ready." I said a-matter-of-factly.

Lucky licked his lips and sat down at the table. I separated the noodles evenly so that we had an equal share in dinner. I poured my self a cup of orange juice and sat down at the table and handed Lucky his weekly chocolate milk. I've never liked chocolate milk, it just seemed wrong in some way.

Lucky cleared his throat and I knew what was coming.

"So, how are you?" He asked.

I stuffed a forkful of noodles into my mouth and nodded.

"Because you've been acting like you're not okay. Like really not okay." He emphasised.

I rolled my eyes, I hated his dad talks. He had no idea what I was going through. No idea of the regret in my mind, heart and soul. I swallowed.

"I'm totally fine Lucky." I warned, I didn't want this to go any further. This far was great. I looked at Lucky, challenging him with my eyeballs. He looked at me and then shrugged and continued to eat. I picked up my bowl and drink.

"I'm eating in my room." I announced.

Lucky grunted and I took that as an agreement. I walked up the stairs, careful not to spill anything. I pushed the door open wider and sat down at my desk. I continued to eat while watching the horizon of the ocean with careful eyes.

When I'd finished my noodles I downed my orange juice and sat on my bed, half expecting him to come walking up the path and knock on the front door, as if it was Prom night and I was his date. I lay down on the bed and closed my eyes, reimagining the feel of Apollo's arms around me, both of us soaking wet. I remembered the feel of the forest floor under foot as we ran towards the cave.

I couldn't help thinking about him, how could I not? I destroyed his love for me, I melded him into a person unable to love, afraid to be broken too many times again. I was the bane of his existence, he would never want to see me again. I, on the other hand, was desperate to see his bewitching chocolate brown eyes. To feel his lips against my uneven ones. I longed to feel myself in his warm arms, to be comforted by the fact that he was real. These things could never happen because of my angst of his declaration of marriage. I ruined his love for me.

I was the bane of my existence.