CHAPTER 1 -Burger
You're in a dark room with a bowl of pasta. Mm chicken pasta, just how you remember.
You feel the crusty bowl touch your fingertips. You then hear a noise.
It was coming from the door to your left.
"One bad gloop and she do what I y-" the noise kept playing as you looked at the door.
"Yo....b-bro who is that bro..."
The door slammed open, a taco bell employee came walking out.
He pulls out the divorce documents, requesting the separation between you and him. Depression hits you like your mom lol. You take a minute, situating yourself in this troubling news. They slap the files down, leaving without another word. You know what you need to do, since they won't listen to reason. You pick up the folder, opening it to realize a vhs tape was in this slim folder. "What the-"You lookin the folder. Large words in crayola crayons said "Play me" wh. He puts the tape into the blender. Your leap pad pro begins playing the tape. Bon is turned around. He says in his generic southern voice "One bad gloop and she do what I yoinky-" you are stunned looking at this man. "Who are you bro..." "I am John from the martin willes" Bon came out of your leappad you're confused. He looms over you in a menacing manner, walking closer with each step you take back. He grabs your shoulders, lifting you up as you face the empty rotten rabbit animatronic. "Ay yo chap, where duh fuk my ciggies mate? Yah ne'edin to rlx b4 i BEET the shite oh u" He spoke in a confusing unearthly accent, making you concern for your own safety. Then You remember what Obama said-
"DO IT FOR THE VINE, MICHELLE" Say Obama from a faint flashback.
You take a deep breath in-
"C-can you please put me down, I-I will find yer ciggies if yah just let me go.. Just.. do it for the vine." You begged, the towering rabbit dropping you. "fnei , sin ce yer ask'in so niskly" the rabbit continued in the forgien accent from god knows where. He sat down on your neko anime body pillow wife, leaning against the wall. You walk around, pulling the tape out. "Uhh.. so.. Yer not gonna kill me- right?" Bon hums, thinking for a while as he fixes his anorexic bowtie. "Mm ist du nuh yer mate" he replied, making you slowly nod in blatant confusion. "Ight, I will take that as a maybe"
You look at your fat redditor hands. You see the ciggies in your hands. The cigges looked enticing. You eat them. Bon snaps his crusty neck turning towards you. "AIGH T BR uV DIDU JUt EAT M A CIG GI e!?!"
You look at bon. Your face red. "N-No it was an accident please!"
Bon rubs his soggy wet fabric chin. "Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm"
"Okay mate."
You take a breath of toxic fumes. You sit down on the wall questioning why the hell you're here in the first place.
Then. you remembered.... Your wife worked at a mexican taco bell in ireland. She left you because you didn't have enough faz coins to buy that titanium endoskeleton. And you lost a fight with the chipper. So you jump universes to the walton files. Bon reaches over, resting his cold metallic hand on yer feminine boney shoulder. "H, yer k mate?" he asked, grabbing the other ciggies that are left. "I just.. Feel.. desolate, i dunno what to do- first my divorce now a talking rabbit who wants to MAYBE kill me" Bon taps his finger on yer shoulder, keeping his grasp. "H, bee ben'er if yer jus outsi, breth'in dem air particles. Com on" he motioned, picking you up like a lifeless doll. He trudges through yer many cans of gatorade and mountaindew, kicking over yer piss bottles as they break. "Shit- my bottles" "srry mate" he apologized, holding onto the bing bong arcade machine to pulling his foot out the 5 feet layer of taco bell shells. He throws you out the window, the glass shattering everywhere as he takes the door normally. He picks you up, putting you on the grass. "Bet'er?" he asked, looking over. You lay there, empty. "Maybe- but i may be bleeding on the inside" you groan.
As your groaning in pain. You hear a lady's voice that sounds like a robot shoved into a sewage plant.
"JACK WALTEN."
It was sha the sheep. "WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN. ARE DAUGHTER IS DIEING"
Soapha was laying there covered in animatronic hands.
"WHAT DO YOU HAVE TO SAY FOR YOURSELF. JECK SALCON."
"uhhhh. Bruv wE gotchu leve"
You lay there, rethinking the script of that shrek 3 rip off movie you wrote in summer camp for a play. Bon slaps you out of it, picking you up. "Ight less bounce, de grass ex wif on me'h ass" You take a note that the sheep lady was his Ex wife, so you shrug. Bon breaks into someone's meth lab, taking a bike. "Less go" he rides the bike, leading you all the way to Burger king. Sidelines, a towering bald man with glasses walks out with a medium height junkie who kept saying 'bitch' after every sentence. "JESSE, THEY TOOK OUR BIKE. WE NEEDED THAT FOR METH JESSE" jesse stares, flitching his nose. " LOOK MR.WHITE I DIDN'T KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT THE BIKE, BITCH" Walten slaps him "SHUT UP JESSE, I AIN'T YER BITCH"You crash into the burger king harming 3 individuals in the surrounding areas.
"HOLY SHITSTEAMINATUNABAR" says an employee. Confused as fuck. You cutely vomit on the ground falling out of his arms. "Oi bruv wer at my howse" The bon chirped, dumping the whole packet of taco sauce onto the vomit. "Clened nuw GET UP" he ordered, you get up in disgust. "Wait.. where did you get those sauce packets, were in Burger King?" Bon chuckles "Oh I wus h itt'in up wit dis guy/girl i d'no"'he shrugged, chuckling in that raspy robotic tone. "That.. that was my wife/husband, you were the guy who THEY CHEATED ON ME WITH?" bon grabs a burger, shoving it in yer mouth. "Sut, dey a slut a'yway. Now- des go i wan to show my barbie collection holiday edition." The rabbit skips off, going down stairs to the burger king basement. You follow after him, leaving the customers traumatized and distraught.
Bon flicks the light switch, illuminating the clustered trash basement. The basement wasn't too big, filled with different outfits and suits like an orange bunny thing or a reindeer- whatever. There were shelves with boxes of over the years barbie christmas edition collections. Over to the corner were tons of boxes full of bon carrot flavored soda and many other snacks that had a brand of a rabbit with carrot flavors. "Uhh.. this place is um.. Welcoming" you said, looking over to see a dirty mattress with some christmas blanket on it.
Bon walks further in, moving some tapes around and crayons. "Ist igh.. Ever sinc divorce she took duh fukin' gremlin an i pay fur sup'port.. An ma'be soapha whateva" He sat down, sniffing lightly. "Ye wana sit?" He asked, lookin' up at yah. You sat down with the overgrown rat of a rabbit, just looking at him from a distance. He sighs, fumbling with the tapes. "I k'ow i need tu kill yah bruv but, yah seem cool lik khill co'ol. Hey, i hav no friends want to geh a beer?" the british/southern/scottish/whatever speaking rabbit offered. Making you raise a brow. "Mm well i guess, drinking with a rotting rabbit that crawled out my leappad pro with the on set to will me.. Doesn't seem too bad."
As you sit there. You feel the electro field of the universe pull you into the void. Bon then suddenly jumped up exiting the basement. "EY YO BRUV MOI DAUTR IS COMIN H'ERE"
"How do you kn-" "ICH DOENT MAT'A CO ME ON." soapha was standing there in the doorway looking like they forgot to download the counter strike source pack. They just stood there waiting. Bon ran up to his puny child and squished them into ashes. You sit there wide eyed, watching the ashes come back as an towering thin eldritch entity with a face mask that has no painted mouth. "Shi-" bon spat, having him be teleported back downstairs. "Fur got der a damn demonic entity- jus' don't look at dem in duh eyes" You look down, Soapha just fazing through the stairs and landing on the ground like a god damn no surface input in blender. She walks off, grabbing a barbie doll box. "EY DAS MINE, GET UR HANDS OFF IT- DAS M'NE" she pimp slaps bon into submission making him back up. She takes out the doll, shrinking to a 4'9 tall entity with puffy hair and a uniform. She plays with the doll on his bed in silence. "Shi- sha mus'ha dropped er off fur the day.. Damn wowan"
"What will we do with her-" bon interrupted: "THE SAe TING i DUE with HER WEVERY WEk"
He stands there raising his hand. "THE TACOBELL STORE" you freeze. The earth around you feeling like that one song you cant remember. You remember that your girl/boyfriend just left you and is working there. You dont have enough time to think-
YOU ARE READING
Lost in Time (Bon x Reader)
HumorSo.. basically this is just a shitpost fanfic between you and bon. Dunno if it will be romantic, doubt it- but it's fuckin' stupid. Created by Me and Seth, just to have fun. Some themes may not be comfortable for others, just a firm warning.