Grabbing a blade in her hand she tightened her grip around it to extent her fingers started bleeding.Her anxiety getting the best of her as she looked at her wrist ready to cut it.
She is a disappointment.Her parents will be at rest finally if she won't be there anymore. They will have no one to shout at, no one will cause them a high blood pressure anymore. No one will be there to cause them trouble anymore.
Closing her eyes a few tears rolled down her cheeks. She just wanted to pursue her dreams. There won't be her anymore. She won't become a computer Engineer anymore. She won't find the love of her life anymore. She won't have that beautiful life anymore, which a girl always dreams of. There won't be her anymore.
JIhoon:" Noona"
The small voice of the little boy she met today suddenly pulled her out of her trance. Opening her eyes she instantly looked around but there was no one except for her. Something suddenly stung making her hiss in pain and she looked down realizing her bleeding hand cause of the strong grip around the blade.
Few more tears rolled down her eyes but this time because of the pain in her hand, the deep cut the sharp blade left making her get up holding the door and run to restroom moving her hand under the cold water in sink. She stayed there looking at her tears stained face in the mirror. The dark circles around her eyes, Only she know how much weight she recently lost and she was not liking it at all. Getting skinnier she was afraid she won't be beautiful anymore.
Wait was not she deciding to end herself here and now. What's the meaning of staying beautiful when there won't be you anymore.
Taking a seat on the counter she hugged her knees pulling them above not caring about the cold surface underneath her. She tried remembering the beautiful day she had today to not fall in her anxiety's hole again.It makes her do shit which she don't like. Who knows one day this shitty anxiety will take her life too. There won't be her anymore to regret over it right?
A smile appeared on her lips not realizing while all the glimpses of the day played in front of her. After a long time she had a good time. Well that's true when the kid suddenly fell ill it almost gave her a heart attack but she was glad he is all healthy. She wished the kid was not paralyzed and could walk.She couldn't stop imagining him running around everywhere happily.
Remembering the man named Jungkook, such a nice guy he was. The perfect gentle man type in her eyes. How he took care of his brother plus how he actually treated her like a man should treat a woman.Her smile widened a bit as she dug her face in her knees feeling herself blushing even though it was just a day .
They didn't know each other nor did they have each other's numbers to maybe contact in their future. She felt her smile fading and a sigh escaped her lips.
Yeah right....it was only for a day. Good things don't happen in your life to stay forever.
*****
Few days passed by and life went back to pretty the same old shit. Getting late for university, making excuses, lying to everyone, faking herself which she was pretty used to now. Sometimes laughing and joking around truly gave her happiness. That's how her nature was but it wouldn't last long anyways, Coming back home getting insulted by parents, crying in the corner, studying , staying awake the whole night and repeating the whole process.
As she walks by the same spot from the day a week ago and she remembered how she met the kid and the guy there. A sad smile took its place on her lips again knowing she probably won't be able to meet them again. The weather was somehow a lot pleasant just of her likings. Not sunny nor rainy. It was cloudy and she wanted it to rain.Something about rain always made her happier maybe because she could drench in rain and cry her eyes out.No one would know if its tears or the rain drops.
